Ramblings on gerua, Rishis and life in general

Hari Aum.

Today I feel like reflecting on my spiritual journey. I am approaching my 34th birthday in a few weeks and I feel like taking stock of where I am thus far and what I need to do.

I'm usually a relatively optimistic person. But today, I feel a tad pessimistic. I'm not thrilled about the body reaching it's 34th year. More than a third of my life is behind me. What have I achieved in spiritual life, I ask myself as I approach the coming birthday.

I feel like saying to God- You say in the form of my Guru, that life is short and time is fleeting. Make haste and attain the Goal. I could not agree more, I agree with You. I should make haste and achieve the Goal. My work as a doctor daily reminds me of the fragile nature of life. There is no knowing what will come tomorrow.

I ask God then- why don't You make me deserving. First deserve, then desire- this is what You say in the form of my Guru. Make me deserving. Make me so deserving that You will not be able to stop Yourself from granting me those spiritual goals that You Yourself have set out for me to achieve, that You want all humanity to achieve.

Neither bhakti, nor jnana, nor mukti appear to be in sight. Thirty four years have passed since I obtained this body, there is no knowing how much longer I will have it for doing sadhana. Many yogis had completed their journey by this age. I wish I had too. I know there is no point in wishful thinking, and the only thing one can do, is carry on. Carry on every day with the sadhana. But from time to time, I allow myself to express a few glum feelings.

There is also the prospect of possibly starting a family in the coming years. My medical relations enjoy reminding me that the biological clock is ticking and that if I want to have a child, I will need to think about this soon. I however have no strong desire to have a child. I am neutral on this issue. I like children a lot,  I see many of them daily as patients. However I do not expect to find happiness simply in having a child. A child is another soul, with its own desires. Raising a child will undoubtedly be a mixture of joy and sorrow. I see this all around me. It will not provide that eternal joy that I am seeking though- I know this very well. And I ask myself, will this be an obstacle in doing sadhana? How will I have time for japa, for kirtan, for sadhana, if I am running around after a child? Yet there is the other side. Having a child can be a beautiful experience. It is a privilege to be an instrument of God in giving a soul a body, a life. It could be beautiful to do japa, kirtan with a child. There is no clear answer in black and white as to whether or not one should have a child.

I therefore feel the best thing is to leave the matter in God's hands. As a duty to family, and possibly to myself, I probably will try to have a child sometime in the next couple of years. But I leave it in the hands of God as to whether or not I actually have one. My prayer is that if God feels that having a child would be good for me spiritually, and also benefit the child, then let it be so. However if this would be a serious obstacle in my spiritual life, then let this not take place. I also pray that if God decides that I should have a child, then the child should be an ardent devotee of God. I would never force spirituality on a child, but I would be deeply sorry if I had a worldly child who only thought of mundane things. I would be happy to raise a child who is deeply spiritual and desires God.

So with around of a third of my life behind me, I face decisions about the next third (assuming I live that long). The next third needs to be filled with consistent regular sadhana. I am tired of merely looking at pictures of God, of having to visualise God, of only hearing about God, and discussing with others about God. I enjoy all this of course, but it feels like it is not enough. Like every other spiritual aspirant, I want to directly experience God for myself. I want to attain the pinnacle of spiritual life in this body itself. But as my Guru says, do the sadhana, and leave the results to God. So that is what I have to do and am doing.

I look at the lives of our Rishis as an example of married couples who raised one or more children and yet had deeply spiritual lives- who attained the peak of spiritual perfection. Where has this tradition gone? Today, when one thinks of living a truly spiritual life, one automatically thinks of external sannyas. It is as though the Rishis never existed as an example of combining householder responsibilities with perfect internal sannyas and God realisation. But they did exist and are an inspiration for us.

I love the colour gerua or orange/saffron. People say it symbolises various things related to spirituality, for instance agni- the fire that destroys ignorance, it is the colour of men and women of God, who have renounced the world for God, who are on a quest for God.

This colour today has become the property of people who have taken formal external sannyas. It is their uniform. Others are not permitted to wear this colour in most Ashrams. Those who wear this colour usually are placed on a pedestal in Ashrams, and non-orange wearing people bow down and touch their feet and are expected to show them great respect (whether or not the sannyasis are really worthy of it). The orange robe has become a status symbol in the spiritual world.

But true sannyas as my Guru says, is of the mind. It involves renouncing one's pride and ego, and becoming humbler than a blade of grass (many orange-clad sannyasis on the other hand are arrogant and haughty due to their external sannyas- there is no real mental sannyas at all).  Renouncing one's relatives and job, can be easier for some of us that living with them and following my Guru's advice to "adapt, adjust, accommodate. Bear insult, bear injury".

I don't wear gerua in any Ashram because I respect their rules that only formal sannyasis can wear this. I am not keen to upset anyone in any organisation- whenever I go somewhere, I strictly obey their rules. But privately, I wear gerua in my own home when I do sadhana. I have dyed some clothes saffron and wear these when I sit for japa, kirtan or meditation. These are my sadhana clothes and I wear them only for this purpose. As I said, I love gerua. The colour is so pure, so holy, it reminds me of saints. I feel like a sannyasi when I wear these clothes. When I wear gerua, I feel like a seeker after God, like a member of that noble tribe including my Guru Sivananda, Chidananda, Malati Tapovan Mataji and countless other people who searched for and eventually found God.

Anyway. This brings my ramblings to an end for today. See link below for Sivananda's take on true sannyas- makes interesting reading.

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=560

Om Sri Gurave Namah

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Bhakti yoga: the nine ways and the five bhavas

Hari Aum.

The Gurus say that one's spiritual progress is related to one's longing for God, for Truth, for the Self- whatever one likes to call this Supreme state of consciousness.

They also say that remembrance is important. Remembering God/Truth constantly is important. When one longs for something, one cannot help but remember it.

How then to cultivate this longing? In Sanskrit, they call it mumukshutva- a burning desire for liberation, for God.

How can we long for something we feel we have never seen? Never heard? Never touched, tasted or smelt, or spoken to? How can we long for something we do not know?

Although the yogis say God is everywhere, He/She is everything we see, hear, touch, taste, smell and meet with and talk to, somehow we feel God is far away. So near and yet so far. We ask God a question, and hear no answer in our ears. It somehow doesn't feel as simple as talking to the person sitting next to one.

The Gurus say longing for God is granted by the Grace of God. Three things they say come only through the Grace of God:
1. Human birth- the human body is the vehicle that has the capacity to carry the consciousness to the level of God
2. Longing for God, to experience God-consciousness
3. Protecting care of a Guru- a God-conscious being who can guide one correctly on the path which is beset with obstacles

In developing longing for God, the concept of Bhava comes in. This is a sanskrit word which means various things- but simply put, it represents emotion, sentiment, a state of consciousness saturated with emotion.

Having the correct Bhava helps one to long for and remember God, and thus helps in the attainment of God. The Gurus say that whatever you ardently long for and desire, you will get. If you ardently desire God, then this is what you will get, so they say.

Humans are beings who have a rational/intellectual component and an emotional component. The intellectual part helps us understand the path. But the intellect cannot be used to either prove or disprove God. God cannot be grasped by the intellect.

But the yogis say, God can be felt. Feeling is therefore the key. Emotion when directed to God, says Sivananda, is called devotion.

How to develop devotion?
Sivananda reminds us of the 9 classical ways:
1. Sravana- hearing of the Lilas of God e.g. through reading a book, attending a talk, watching a TV program on this subject
2. Kirtana- singing of God's names. As we have heard and perhaps also ourselves experienced a little, the Names of God have some strange effects and power to change our consciousness.
3. Smarana- constant remembrance of God
4. Padasevana- serving the Lord's holy feet. Sivananda says this involves serving humanity as a manifestation of God, and also worship of idols that symbolise God in temples.
5.Archana- worship of God. Again this can be done through serving humanity and by worship in temples.
6. Vandana- prostration i.e. bowing down before God
7. Dasya- serving God as His/Her servant. Some people don't like the idea of being a servant. But the word servant simply means one who serves. And to serve, someone in simple terms means to work for them. It would be quite a privilege to work for God as His/Her instrument. Unlike human beings, God treats His/Her servants well- such people experience the bliss of God-consciousness.
8. Sakhya- making friends with God. Treating Him/Her as a close buddy, asking Him/Her for advice, and loving Him/Her as a close friend
9. Atma nivedana- this means surrendering one's lower self. One basically says I am not Mr or Mrs So-and-so. I am a part of God, I am one with God, my identity is with God. Not with what this world calls me and says about me.

Swami Sivananda explains the above very beautifully- see the link below:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=496

Then we come back to the topic of bhava:

Bhavas are emotions directed to God based on a human being's experiences of love for their relations and friends. There are 5 classical ways of directing one's emotion to God.

This involves seeing God as:

1. A Master, a boss, and one is the servant. One joyfully does the work of the Lord as His/Her instrument. This is Dasya bhava.
2.  A very close friend:  One speaks to and confides freely in God. This is Sakhya bhava.
3. One's own child: One treats the Lord as one would one' own child with affection- one bathes, feeds and looks after Him/Her. This is Vatsalya bhava.
4. One's own beloved: One sees God as one's beloved. But in this there is no lust. There is only pure love and a sense of surrender of the ego - there is a feeling of oneness with the Beloved. This is Madhurya bhava.
5. God: one peacefully contemplates God, there is not much emotional excitement here, but there is still strong devotion. This is Shanta bhava.

Here is Sivananda's explanation of the five bhavas:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=681

So, basically if one wishes to walk the path of bhakti, which is regarded as the more easy and pleasant compared to the other yoga paths by most modern Gurus (including Sivananda and Ramakrishna), then one needs to:
1. Work out what attitude one is most comfortable with in relation to God. There may be a bit of all of the five bhavas, but one may be the dominant one. One should work out which one this is.
2. One should then cultivate this bhava by practice of the nine ways of developing bhakti.

One final thing. A special place is given to kirtana in this kali-yuga. The Gurus say that the loud chanting of the Names of the Lord is the surest way to Realisation is this modern age where the minds of human beings are full of impurities and ever restless. Lord Krishna Himself says to Narada, the divine sage musician and His great devotee- "O Narada! I do not dwell in Vaikuntha, or in the hearts of the yogis, I am there where my devotee sings My Name".

See this excellent link to hear of the glories of kirtana by Sivananda :

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=443

Recently I discovered the Ramcharitmanas and read a bit of it. At the start, Tulsidas, the great poet-saint, declares the Name of God is superior to God Himself. He says the Name gives access to the God with form and without form and is therefore superior to them both. Most beautiful

See below for a link to the Ramcharitmanas in the original ancient Hindi with English translation and transliteration- this is published by a Hindu temple in America- a beautiful effort to present this marvellous work in English so that all who are interested can read it.

There is an amazing conversation at the end between a devotee in the form of a crow and Garuda, Lord Vishnu's divine vehicle. I started with this story because it caught my eye in the index due to the mention of kali yuga, the present age we live in.

http://cincinnatitemple.com/articles/Sri-Ram-Charit-Manas-Hindi-Text-Eng-Translation.pdf


Swami Chidananda (disciple of Sivananda and God-realised saint) says one's mind's power to visualise should be used in bhakti yoga. He says this is a great help. I personally find this very useful and it makes my practice more interesting. As mentioned in a previous entry, doing manasic puja helps me with my japa yoga practice. I still do this daily and find it helps reduce my mind wandering during japa and keeps my mind more on God.

I also use my power of visualisation or imagination when doing kirtan. Recently I thought it would be nice to do kirtan with a group of motivated people. My Guru says group kirtan is very effective. However it is not easy to find and meet with motivated people to do kirtan daily. As a substitute therefore, I often visualise myself in the company of three other beings who join me for kirtan. They are Ganesh, Narada and my Guru Sivananda.
I close my eyes and imagine, in the heart space (anahata chakra), the four of us sitting facing each other, with Ganesha opposite me, Narada to my left and my Guru Sivananda to my right. In the middle, there is a square area with soil where a small Tulasi plant representing the Divine Mother is growing and a Shaligram stone representing Lord Hari is present next to the Tulasi plant.

I imagine that Narada and I are a team, and Ganesha and my Guru are a team. You probably know that in kirtan, many times, people sing in a call-and-response manner. That means one person sings a line, then the other people sing the same line back to the original singer.

In this way I imagine that sometimes Narada and I start a song, then my Guru and Ganesh sing back to us, and then the other way around. Sometimes we sing in a circle- Ganesh sings the first Name of a song, then it goes anti-clockwise or clock-wise in a circle, with Narada, me and my Guru singing the next Names. We also take turns to start a song, with everyone getting a turn. (Naturally I am actually singing continuously, but I imagine that when it is their turn, their voice is dominant over mine which is not heard much).

This may sound very strange, but it really makes me enjoy my kirtan and increases my concentration. I play my simple shruti box, and I visualise Narada with his veena, I imagine my Guru with the tanpura and I picture Lord Ganesha playing the mridangam.

In this way we sing some mantras and kirtans that I have learned from some books that I have- some examples are "Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare. Hare Krishna, Hare Krisha, Krisha Krishna, Hare Hare", "Hari Bol, Hari Bol, Hari Hari Bol, Keshava, Madhava, Govinda Bol. Also "Sankara, Karunakara, Parameshwara, Jagadishwara". "Ramaya Ramabhadraya Ramachandraya Vedhase....", "Mookam karoti vachalam...yat kripa tahaham vande, Paramanandam Madhavam" "Amba, Amba, Jaya Jagadamba...."....and many more.
I cannot tell you what fun this is. I really feel they are present with me and feel blessed and elevated by having the good fortune to sing with them- kind of feel like I am their student and they are teaching me.

My husband recently joked that I am like a child who plays with imaginary friends. I politely said that there is nothing imaginary here. Imaginary and Imagination are different. Imaginary means something which is false, does not really exist. Imagination means Visualisation, using one's mental power to create a form in one's mind.
God and Guru are present everywhere- they are essence of Truth itself, there is no question of falsehood here. So naturally Ganesh, Guru and Narada are everywhere. Therefore I am not imagining them, they are really everywhere. I am only visualising with my mental power what is already there. I was glad that my husband was in agreement with with me when I said this (though he still finds my singing quartet quite amusing!).

Anyway friends, hope you also discover your bhava towards God and enjoy some of the bhakti yoga practices such as kirtan. The level of concentration one can attain though kirtan is really wonderful and worth experiencing for oneself.

Hari Aum Tat Sat