A play: Conversation between the higher and lower mind part 2

 Hari Aum.

Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Sri Durgayai Namah. 

Om Durgam devim sharanamaham prapadye.

Around three-and-a-half years ago, I wrote a play on the conversation between the higher and lower self/mind (link at end of this page). Today, I'd like to continue that conversation.

Higher mind: sitting quietly and contemplating spiritual matters, including the various twists and turns in spiritual life. 

Lower mind: "Hello! We need to speak urgently about our spiritual life!"

Higher mind: "Sure, no problem. What's the issue?"

Lower mind: "What's the issue?! You've got to be kidding me! Last time we spoke, I'd agreed to let you do a moderate amount of mantra japa and bhajan in exchange for some concessions on sweets and suchlike. It's been working out ok between us since then-- I've been feeling a bit better and been more cooperative with you. I'm very concerned though by the way unexplained things are happening in our spiritual life."

Higher mind: "I didn't realise that you were interested in spiritual life--that's great! What is the unexplained stuff you're concerned about?"

Lower mind: "Well, you told me that you would be doing mantra japa and karma yoga and all the usual stuff. It's been hard on me to tolerate all that but I've coped with it patiently for years.”

“I'd like to know what's been going on lately though! What's all this twin soul nonsense? I don't like it at all! Make it go away! I find all this talk of astral stuff very unnerving!”

“I like the 3D world, the solid, 'real' world of waking consciousness. It's nice and familiar. There are scientific laws that operate here and we've studied some of them. I like science. It makes feel me comfortable.”

“On the other hand, I don't like all this talk of energy, astral stuff, nadis and chakras. What nonsense! Why are we having astral experiences now? What was the need for that?”

“Your Guru showing up in dreams was a bit odd but ok. But what's all this stuff about meeting a so-called twin soul in dream? It's downright freaky! It really scared me! I don't approve. I want that stuff to stop completely! Never again, I tell you! Cut them off, I say!"

Higher mind: "Well, I've explained the energetic anatomy to you already. You know perfectly well that there are three layers of the human being-- physical body, energy body and causal body. You can't have one without the other (while being physically alive). And, as spiritual life progresses, various experiences occur in each of these layers. It's part of the process.”

“With regard to a twin soul, well, it seems we have one. That's pretty much all that there is to say about it. It's a creation of the universe for spiritual growth apparently. I suggest we accept it. That would be the sensible way forward. Go with the flow sort of thing!"

Lower mind: "Go with the flow! You must be joking-- I'm not going with any flow! Especially not with this twin soul nonsense. 

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Gallivanting about with a 'twin soul' in the astral realm of dreams-- and, that too, as a married individual-- the sheer horror of it! 

I sometimes wonder whether you've swapped places with me-- am I the higher mind now, having to remind you of the importance of virtue, and are you the lower one? Honestly!"

Higher mind: "I'm not 'gallivanting' with anyone in the astral realm! The universe is doing something and we are just a part of it. I'm not going to fight the universe-- let things unfold the way they must.”

“This twin soul thing seems to be something that others have also experienced. Their experiences are very similar to ours, if not identical in certain aspects.”

“We should, therefore, keep an open mind, study this subject and learn about it. Figure out how this fits into our spiritual life- instead of pretending it's not happening and burying our head in the sand. Denial of reality is not spirituality! Surely you can see that."

Lower mind: "What of the ethics? You've been ranting on about the importance of yogic ethics in spiritual life all this while! What about them? How do the yogic ethics apply here-- I'd like to see how you explain that! Shame I say, it's a terrible shame, this entire thing! A complete disgrace! A mess! Horrific, just horrific!"

Higher mind: "The yogic ethics are very much being practiced here-- truth, love and all the rest. What's the issue? This is not a straightforward journey-- surely, that should be obvious to you by now. This is a spiritual path. We're dealing with kundalini, karma, chakras, cleansing and all sorts! Not easy I agree-- but spiritual life is not easy, you ought to know that by now!"

Lower mind: "I am deeply upset, I tell you! This twin soul thing does not fit with social norms. The whole set-up is laden with karma and is really off-putting! It's a recipe for trouble, total disaster. Run from it like the plague, I say! Do not touch it with a ten-foot barge pole!"

"My advice to you, if you'll listen for once, is to cut the cord. That's right, you know how the pranic healers cut cords-- we've done that course. Just cut the bond, and the problem will be fixed! We will have some much-needed peace.”

“You keep saying all the twin souls got activated some years ago and there's been some serious turmoil in the so-called 'collective'. Well, it's time for a bit of peace, I say! Cut the cord and be done with it!"

Higher mind: "I'm sorry you're upset. Everyone on this spiritual journey gets upset at one stage or another. It's sort of designed to be that way.”

“We’ve already tried your running idea-- for years! That didn't work so well in the end, now did it? It's quite common to run, and most (if not all) twin souls do run-- but eventually, most people realise there's not much sense in it. Because, you clearly cannot run from yourself! Or 'cut the cord' from yourself for that matter!"

Lower mind: "What do you mean, 'run from yourself'? The twin soul and we are definitely not the same! They are nothing like us! We're two different people--entirely different. We look different, we sound different. We are entirely, 100 per cent different! How dare you suggest we're the same and stuck with them for life? That's complete nonsense and I will not accept it!"

Higher mind: "Well, I'm still in the process of understanding this connection so I don't yet have all the answers! But, there does seem to be an astral connection. In that sense, at least, we are a sort of interconnected unit within which energies seem to flow-- this includes thoughts and feelings. This may be a reason for the 'mirroring' aspect of this journey.”

“We may not be exactly 'the same', but there appears to be a pretty intense, energetic connection nonetheless. The astral layer of our being, the chakras, seem to be interconnected. There also seems to be some possible telepathy for many people who experience this connection."

Lower mind: "Telepathy?! That's it--I knew this spiritual stuff was going to get us into trouble one day! That's the sort of thing that people with mental health issues talk about! We're headed in that direction, this stuff is seriously weird.”

“Too much meditation is bad for the brain and mind-- makes one bonkers! I knew this day would come! We should have lived a normal life. It's not too late, I tell you. Stop reciting the mantra and contemplating the Divine from this day onwards-- it's totally unhealthy!"

Higher mind: "The yogis do quite openly accept that there are various dormant functions of the mind that naturally become active as a result of meditation over a period of time. It may feel weird, but it's actually pretty normal in a way.”

“Science is also increasingly finding evidence of telepathy-- not just between humans, but even between animals. In the coming years, all of this stuff will probably become pretty normal in our world and not so weird anymore!”

“Twin soul telepathy seems to be an experience that many have had. We've experienced it too-- whether you like it or not, it's simply a fact. Just get used to it!"

Lower mind: "I refuse to 'get used' to anything that's not fully proven by science! I also refuse to accept anything that does not fit with the traditional way of life-- in society and even spirituality! I can't stand anything that's new and unexplained-- it really freaks me out! This telepathy, astral stuff and dream conversations and so on really alarm me!"

Higher mind: "I understand. Not easy for anyone to deal with stuff like that. But it is a part of spiritual life to keep an open mind, and to allow the universe to guide us. I believe the mantra chanting keeps us in touch with our Guru and the Divine. It also helps us attune ourselves to the will of the Divine. That's a very important part of spiritual life."

Lower mind: "I just cannot shake off the guilt aspect of this connection. The shame of it. Being married to one person, and having this sort of energetic connection with somebody else-- both in the waking and dream state! It's a total disgrace, I tell you! A matter of deep shame!”

“I know virtually all twin souls tend to have this issue-- but it's just disgusting! So unethical! I'm supposed to be the 'lower mind' and even I can see this is not at all in accordance with the 'yogic ethics' you keep talking about! I shudder with shame and horror at it! It is totally at odds with our scriptures. This will surely lead to a spiritual downfall.”

“I literally weep at the sheer spiritual downfall we have experienced as a result of this connection! I never imagined in a million years that it would come to this!”

“The ideal spiritual, married woman according to the yoga tradition is a 'pativrata'-- a loyal, faithful wife like Anasuya or Sita! Not a Pingala or Ahalya! The shame of it, I cannot bear it!”

“Your Krishna has betrayed you. He's ruined you like He ruined the original 'Vishnupriya' (He created similar trouble for her too in a way!). Woe betide us, we are totally undone!"

Higher mind: "Yes, this is very difficult, I agree. Can't blame you for finding it disturbing. Most people on this journey do face the same difficulty, to be fair.”

“It's not as simple as you describe though—it’s a lot more complex. In a higher sense, I guess what it comes down to is that this is not really about a connection with 'someone else'. It's about a part of us, if you see what I mean.”

“Is it shameful to love oneself? All aspects of oneself? Both of us, the higher mind and the lower mind, come from God. The astral body comes from God, the connection of this astral body with that of the twin's astral body also comes from God.”

“The twin soul, in a sense, is a part of oneself-- at least, on an astral level. So, twin soul love is not really loving 'someone else'-- ultimately, it is about loving oneself. It is not a crime to love and be kind to oneself, is it? 

It is actually quite healthy and perfectly in line with yogic ethics. The yogis recommend being loving and accepting of ourselves as we are, however the universe has made us. If we cannot love and accept ourselves, how can we hope to love anyone else?”

“I can see the dilemma though-- when there are different external manifestations, even when there is a level of oneness on an astral and soul level, it can be very tricky to understand and accept the situation.”

“But, ultimately, that is what this is. The last time you and I chatted in 2022, we talked about how both you and I are a part of the same God. We may be 'higher' and 'lower' mind, but we are part of one Supreme Being or God. You had said you did not like me seeing you as my enemy and that I had no right to do that-- you were right.”

“I would suggest you start to see the twin soul in the same way. Just like you and I are part of one being, the higher and lower mind of the twin soul is also a part of us (and not an enemy).”

“It is pretty weird, I accept, and it will take quite some time to fully digest and understand this situation. But I hope you can now start to see where I'm coming from when I say that this is part of our spiritual journey and we need to be open to where the universe guides us."

Lower mind: "I will never surrender to the universe for the sake of union with a so-called twin soul! I signed up to this spiritual journey for the sake of union with God, because you said that would bring us peace. This twin soul journey is nothing but trouble-- I will never, ever surrender to unite with such a person in any way, shape or form! Let me be very clear on this! Say what you please, but I never will surrender!"

Higher mind: "Hmmm. Ok. Nobody is asking you to 'surrender' anything for the sake of union with any twin soul. I feel 'acceptance' is a better word than 'surrender'. There's no harm in accepting life as it is though, is there?”

“Accepting the will of God is very healthy in spiritual life. It brings peace, healing and joy."

Lower mind: "I'm not fully convinced by what you've said. But I accept that running away from the twin soul and trying to cut them off hurts like hell and frankly doesn't work for us twin souls who've tried it. It's a pretty dumb option from that perspective. And we're not stupid to keep hurting ourselves!

I don't like any of this, but, I definitely want some peace in life.”

“I'm very angry with God and the universe for putting us and other twin souls through this hell-- but I will accept His will as that seems like the only sensible choice.”

“Every now and again, I reserve my right to rant and rave at this connection and at God for creating this. You've got to allow me at least that much! 

I've put up with all your mantra sadhana and what not, and now this! It's been just terrible! I will need to vent my feelings periodically, I tell you!"

Higher mind: "Ok, no worries, you can vent your feelings to me when you need to! Totally understandable! I know none of this is easy and I really appreciate your patience with this entire process."

Lower mind: "When is this going to end? Tell me that!"

Higher mind: "Wait and see, let the universe decide the path of each one of us. In the meantime, can we please carry on with the mantra japa and other spiritual practices? That really is the only sensible way forward!"

Lower mind: "Fine! This is the worst experience ever, and I'm really annoyed, but ok. I suppose it's the only option!"

And, there we have it! That is the nature of the higher and lower mind in many twin souls, the inner battle that many of us go through. Not particularly easy-- but then, no spiritual path is. We just have to keep going. :)

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

P.S. This is the link to the previous conversation between the higher and lower mind.

https://mantrayoga.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-play-conversation-between-higher-and.html

A play: Conversation between the higher and lower mind

 Hari Aum.

The inner battle within the spiritual seeker is a lifelong journey which only ends when one attains God-realisation, i.e. recognises one's true eternal nature as one with God.

Until then, there is a constant struggle between the two aspects of human nature-- the divine and the undivine. The divine thoughts within us are our inner 'devas' (demi-gods). The undivine are the inner asuras (demons). The cosmic battle between the devas and asuras that the Puranas (spiritual scriptures) describe occurs within the human mind too. This battle occurs everywhere in the material universe, on a micro level (within people's minds, hearts and homes) and on a macro level (between countries).

As one walks the spiritual path, this battle only intensifies. As the higher mind grows stronger by developing a connection with God and Guru, the lower mind grows more rebellious; it wants to resist this submission to God.

I thought I would write a short play on this battle, as a conversation between the higher and lower mind. It may seem a bit light-hearted, but at its core, there is a serious message. This battle is very real. It is taking place, on some level, in every one of us, in every spiritual seeker.

When it goes wrong, when the higher mind gives up, and the lower mind wins, the spiritual seeker loses much, and suffers greatly. When the higher mind wins, the seeker experiences true joy, peace and bliss, which comes from closeness to God. But as we will see, the higher mind can only work by also taking into account the existence of the lower mind. We need to accept all aspects of our being as we walk the spiritual path.

So, let us begin. Let us imagine a conversation between the higher and lower mind.

Higher mind: sitting quietly doing some mantra recitation.

Lower mind: (bored, aimlessly wandering about). Looks at the higher mind. Gets frustrated with it and then says "Hey, we need to talk."

Higher mind: "Ok, but not just now. I'm doing some mantra recitation/japa. I need to finish another 20 minutes and then we can talk".

Lower mind: "No! It needs to be right now! 20 minutes is too long!".

Higher mind: "Ok. Let me just finish this mala. I need another 5 minutes."

Lower mind (rolls eyes): "Ok then. Hurry up".

Higher mind: completes the mantra recitation and then says "Ok, what's up?"

Lower mind: "What's up?! Are you kidding me? Everything is so difficult and you are saying 'What's up?'. There needs to be some serious change around here. I'm not happy."

Higher mind: "What's the trouble?"

Lower mind: "What's the trouble?! I'll tell you what's the trouble! The trouble is, there's too much discipline around here. Not enough fun. What the world regards fun, I mean. Not your 'fun'-- your japa and kirtan. That is so boring".

Higher mind: "I'm sorry you don't find japa and kirtan fun. It is actually quite nice once you really get into it".

Lower mind: "Yes, well, it's not my style, ok? I need to have more normal fun. I'm talking about that phrase your Guru disapproves of; you know, the 'eat, drink and be merry' lifestyle. That's what I want. I'm tired of all this self-control and discipline business. It's getting us nowhere. You said there would be bliss and peace on this path. Well, where is it? Nowhere, that's where. All we are getting is trouble-- illness, meeting difficult people, that's it. I've had enough, I tell you!"

Higher mind: "Well, this is just part of the process. Before spiritual bliss can be experienced, there needs to be a thorough cleansing of the mind and purgation of past negative karmas. All this difficult stuff we are going through is part of the spiritual journey; every spiritual seeker has to go through this." 

Lower mind: "All I can say is that I'm really fed up. We've been on this path for nearly twenty years-- that's when you first started talking about this spiritual nonsense and dabbling in meditation and suchlike. It's been a long time and I've put up with it so far. But I think the time has come for a change of scene. We need to be more normal, live a regular life. Eat what we like, drink what we like, have fun the way everybody else does. Stop thinking about spirituality and God all the time. That is really tedious."

Higher mind: "True peace and happiness are found only in God. You know that. You can see the world around you. The suffering, the challenges. As Sivananda says, one portion of joy is mixed with several portions of sorrow in this world. Nothing lasts here. Everything fades away. Death takes away everything here. There is an immortal realm though, the place where we truly belong. We are on our way there. It's a state of consicousness that can be achieved through the practice of spiritual disciplines and yogic ethics."

Lower mind: (frustrated) "Why are you always so gloomy and depressing? Why do you always talk about disease and death? What is the matter with you! Cheer up, for heaven's sake! Sure, death exists. We've all got to die one day. So what? Let's just enjoy the pleasures of life while we can. Forget all this talk of death and immortality-- it is all nonsense. Not worth thinking about."

Higher mind: "It's the only thing worth thinking about in truth. As I said, everything fades away. If we don't pay attention and live well, we will leave here with huge feelings of regret, that we did not make the most of life."

Lower mind: "There you go again! What a killjoy you are. No fun whatsoever. You and your Guru are seriously over-the-top. Constantly talking about the problems in life. Why can't you just enjoy the good stuff around here? On that note, I want to suggest some major changes in our mode of living."

Higher mind: (uneasily) "Really? What changes do you want to see?"

Lower mind: "I want to see a lot of changes. Basically, I want to be normal. I want to stop living according to these yogic ethics for a start. Ahimsa, Satya and Brahmacharya! What the heck is that about? Complete waste of time. I want to lose my temper when I feel like and show people who's boss. I'm tired of trying to be polite and forgiving all the time. I don't want to be that way anymore!"

"Also, I'm seriously sick of this Satya (truthfulness) nonsense. What's wrong with a few white lies occasionally? What's wrong with telling a few bigger lies on occasion too? Lies can be really useful you know!"

"And this 'brahmacharya' or self-control stuff is really rubbish too. I want to have fun-- eat whatever I please, drink whatever I please and hang out with whoever I please. I want to start eating meat again. We've been vegetarian for nearly two decades. Waaaay too long! Time for a change. I want fish for dinner--I miss fish, used to find it really tasty."

Higher mind: (quietly) "You know we can't give up the yogic vows. They form the very basis of happiness, here and hereafter. They are in accordance with the law of karma, the law of God. They are based on dharma or righteousness-- and without dharma, there is no happiness. That is the divine law. We have to live by the laws of God, of the universe, we cannot make up our own laws and expect to be happy. That just won't work".

Lower mind: (dismissively) "Karma, sharma, what nonsense. What God, where God? Where is God? Look at all the misery around us! He made this world, it's His fault it's such a mess. Don't talk to me about God!"

Higher mind: "I'm really sorry. We just cannot give up those vows. They are absolutely essential. We'll be destroyed without them. I'm willing to compromise on some other stuff though. How about you eat some more sweets? We've been a bit tough on that lately."

Lower mind: (angrily) "Sweets! You think you can bribe me with a few sweets! I'm not that stupid. I'm not going to be fooled so easily. Sweets is just a part of it, I want all the changes I just mentioned. I want a complete revolution, a massive change in lifestyle. Do you get it?"

Higher mind: (calmly) "No. That is not going to happen."

Lower mind: (furiously) "No? No? Who do you think are? You act like you're the boss around here, the way you think you can call all the shots. Well, let me tell you, you're not my boss, and I'm not having it anymore. I want to eat fish and other types of meat-- I don't care if animals suffer. I want to eat and drink what I like-- I'm not interested in the effects of diet on meditation, that's nothing to do with me. And most of all, I don't care about your God and Gurus and their laws of karma and dharma. All that means nothing to me. Nothing! I want to live life on my terms, not theirs!"

Higher mind: (breathing deeply and trying to stay calm) "Listen, I know this is hard. Living a human life on this planet today can feel really hard. There's a lot to deal with. I get that. Everyone including us has their own troubles. Dealing with our issues and the issues of people around us can be tough. It's hard work. I know none of this is easy."

Lower mind: (bursting into tears) "Yes, it's not easy. Not easy at all." 

(Sniffling and dabbing nose) "You think you're so wise. You say you're after God. And in the process, you act as if I'm the enemy, and you neglect me, you behave as if you want to destroy me. But what right do you have? Who said you're allowed to do that?"

"Do you not know what your precious Puranas say about me? They say that the God you worship is the origin of everything-- everything including me. If you read the description of the Virat Purusha (cosmic form) of Narayana (in the Bhagavatam), you will find all aspects of me included-- desire, anger, pride and all. That's right, I come from God too, just like you and everything else does. You have no business to crush me. God created me just like He created you. It is up to Him alone as to what happens with me. If you try to crush me, I will destroy you."

(Looking dangerous) "Many spiritual seekers have fallen down, very very low, due to the power of the lower mind. You know that don't you? You've seen and heard about this. People falling off the spiritual path, giving up all spiritual practices. Swamis breaking vows of sannyasa (renunciation) and mistreating disciples, householders neglecting their duties and performing undivine actions-- all this is due to the power of us lower minds. I too can do all this and much more. I have my own power-- given by God, given by His aspect called 'Maya'. I know what I am, I too have been created by God for a purpose. If you do not respect my right to exist, I can become very nasty indeed. You won't like that, believe me!".

Higher mind: (swallowing nervously) "Listen, I hear you. Don't get extreme. I'm sorry if I've been harsh on you. I was just trying to do the best for us both. As you rightly say, God is the origin of both of us. I was just trying to get us both back to our origin as I know that is where we will find lasting happiness. I know we both have the same goal-- to be happy".

Lower mind: "Yes, but you've been too extreme. I don't get to do enough of the stuff that I like, and this has been getting worse with time. I want to have a more regular life-- watch some regular, non-spiritual movies, listen to regular music (not kirtan/bhajan all the time!), have a more fun diet (stop policing me constantly!). If you let me have more fun, I'll let you do your dull stuff that you claim will bring us lasting happiness....mantra japa, kirtan, whatever. But your stuff needs to be in moderation too, just like my fun!"

Higher mind: (feeling some relief) "Ok, I'm sorry if I've been extreme. I really am. You're not my enemy, and I'm not your enemy. We're friends. We both want happiness. And happiness is God. I'll do the work to get us there, all you need to do is let me do it. And you're right, you do deserve to have your version of fun sometimes. How about we go for a 'regular' non-spiritual movie sometime? And ok, you can have some more sweets, I'll try not to police you so much."

Lower mind: (dabbing nose, and looking at higher mind out of the corner of the eye) "How about some fish for dinner? Oily fish is good for the heart you know, that's what science says!"

Higher mind: "Now don't push your luck too far-- no fish! Ahimsa is vital, we cannot support the killing of other living beings, that is not an option. There's no compromise on the commitment to yogic ethics, we won't get any happiness without them. I've agreed to some more sweets, and a movie. That's it for now. We can do more stuff as we go along. And I'm being really moderate with the mantra japa now-- doing a very modest amount, along with a little kirtan now and then. I hope that is ok?"

Lower mind: (sighing) "I guess so. This spiritual business is really very dull. Such a long boring road. But it's true that this world is no piece of cake either. Look at it-- pandemics, economic crises, wars, lunatic politicians. No fun at all. I suppose you're right to look for more lasting happiness elsewhere, in God or wherever."

Higher mind: (smiling) "I'm glad you agree with me that this world is no piece of cake. And yes, we will find happiness in the One who made us both. Thank you for agreeing to let me continue the mantra japa and spiritual practices-- I really appreciate it. It will be worth it, I promise".

Lower mind: (rolling eyes again) "Yes, whatever. Finish your mantra japa quickly, I can't wait to get hold of some of those chocolate biscuits sitting in the kitchen!"

Higher mind: (also rolling eyes) "Ok, ok. Just be quiet for a bit and I'll get it done! Sheesh."

Lower mind: (smiling, thinking about the chocolate) "Ok, I'll be quiet for a little while!" 

End of play!

As we walk the spiritual path, it is important to take along all parts of our being-- the higher and the lower. It is common for spiritual practitioners to see the lower mind as the enemy, to try to crush it. This has unfortunate results. After being crushed for a long time, it recoils like a snake and can bite one viciously. Over the years, I have met people who have walked the spiritual path for a while and then broken important vows that they took as they could not bear it any more. It is necessary to be patient and gentle with ourselves as we go through the many experiences and challenges of life, including spiritual life.

The spiritual journey is a long one with many surprises, both 'good' and 'bad'. It takes tremendous patience to keep walking this path, and we need the help of all aspects of our being, both the higher and the lower mind, to whatever extent possible. And, as long as we do the mantra practice every single day, come hell or highwater, we will make steady progress on the spiritual path, as we will remain in touch with God, the One who is the origin of all aspects of our existence.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Tuning the sitar string just right

Hari Aum.

I will write about the importance of balance in spiritual life today. I will share my views on how to continue long-term spiritual practices based on my own experience of what works and the obstacles.

We all know that sadhana is only successful if one is willing to work for a long time. The light of our sadhana needs to be steady and regular like the sun which rises every day. It should not be like a comet, which flashes dramatically in the sky for a short time and then disappears.

But how to sustain sadhana for years and years like the great yogis so that we can experience the benefits?

The secret lies in balance. Sadhana must be intense but yet it should be enjoyable. Now this may sound like a paradox. When we say intense sadhana, we usually mean that this should involve some suffering. Like standing on one leg for years, or fasting for months or some other self-torture. Yes some suffering and penance is inevitable in spiritual life. But one's sadhana must never feel like a type of self-torture or one will not be able to do it for long.

One needs to feel one's sadhana is enjoyable, one must slowly develop a love for it- so much so, that one desperately wants to ensure it happens every day. This way, no matter what the life circumstances are, one will ensure that one can do sadhana regularly.

So how to do sadhana daily without it feeling like a punishment, a torture? The key is balance, a sattvic approach.

One must take great care in building up a daily practice. The rajas and tamas elements in the mind will always try to mislead one.

Let me give an example relating to the obstructive forces of rajas and tamas when it comes to building a daily practice.

About 14 years ago, I was in my first year at medical school and the first term was over. An end-of-term examination was coming up and six weeks were given beforehand to prepare for this. There was a lot of material to learn and I was determined to do well in the exam. I therefore made a very tough timetable and studied hard for long hours every day without allowing any proper breaks.

As a result, after about four weeks of working like this my mind felt burnt out. I felt I just could not face looking at a medical textbook. Due to this burn-out, the final two weeks of the holidays were wasted as my mind felt unable to study. Fortunately the exam still went okay, but I learnt a serious lesson from this experience.
The mind must be handled carefully to get work out of it. One must work hard with proper breaks to give the mind time to recover so it will work efficiently. Needless to say, for the rest of my medical school examinations, I ensured a careful balance between work and rest and performed well.

I have applied this same rule to my spiritual life. The same rajasic part of my mind, which made me overwork and burn out on that occasion in medical school, tries to make me burn out in spiritual life. This side of the mind says "Do more, do more"- basically do an unsustainable amount of daily sadhana.

We all have this rajasic component in our minds. This side of our mind promises everything and does nothing. It tells us the sadhana we are doing is a mere nothing, one must do huge amounts that are unsustainable to succeed. The moment one tries to do this, the rajasic mind turns tamasic.
Like a chameleon, it rapidly changes colour and says "Oh I am too tired, this sadhana is too tough, I cannot do it, it is torture, I want to give up and stop".

This way the mind tricks one in to committing to a huge amount of sadhana which it promises it will do, and later it rebels and stops everything.

Stopping sadhana is a very unfortunate situation which must be avoided for success in spiritual life. So how to handle the danger of this rajasic-tamasic mind?

The answer is the sattvic approach. The middle way. The path of balance. One has to tell the mind- "Look here, I want to do sadhana every day for years, understand? So I will work every day, and I will rest and recover everyday. I will neither overwork, nor underwork. I will take the balanced approach, the middle way. This way I can continue sadhana for a long time".

Yogis give the example of tuning the sitar. If the sitar string is made too tight, it will break and you cannot play music (this represents rajas- overdoing it and breaking in the process).  If the sitar string is too loose and slack, again you cannot play (this represents tamas- not doing enough).

If the sitar string is tuned just right, you can play beautiful music (this represents sattva, the balanced approach). Similarly the mind must be tuned just right to get proper sadhana out of it. It must be handled carefully like musical instrument.

One must take on only that much sadhana which feels comfortable and enjoyable to do. If one enjoys the sadhana, one will do it daily. If it feels like a terrible pain, a tremendous strain, our mind will give it up at the earliest opportunity. And then we will be nowhere.

As my third puraschanara comes to a close (will be completed in about three weeks), the rajasic component of my mind has been inciting me to increase the number of malas dramatically.

Over the past six years, I carefully built up a routine of doing on average 11 malas a day. (Before I started my purascharana practice, in 2011, I was doing just 1 mala twice a day- so 11 malas a day was a big step for me.) It took me some years to become comfortable doing 11 malas every day without a break.
In the past few months, after very careful consideration, I increased this to 15 malas a day. This was because 11 malas felt relatively easy-  and although 15 malas daily requires some effort, it is still not a huge strain- I should be able to manage this every day if I am disciplined.
I intend to do the fourth purascharana at 15 malas a day so this will take 1.5 years instead of 2 years to complete (and therefore gives me more time overall for future sadhana).

However my old friend, the rajasic mind, regularly tries to sabotage my sadhana efforts. It says "Come on, what is all this nonsense of just 15 malas a day? What kind of tapas is this? Why don't you do 21 malas daily, then you would finish a purascharana in a year! Why not do 24 malas a day, then you would complete it in just 10 months. That would be great!"

I know that my current situation will not permit  me to do 21-24 malas daily- this is due to my work as a doctor and other home-related responsibilities. I am a japa yogi but I combine japa with karma yoga (my work/home responsibilies). Furthermore, my Guru Sivanada, advised a balanced approach- japa, karma, jnana, hatha yoga (not just japa yoga).

Therefore the balanced aspect of my mind says- "Wait, wait. Go slow and steady. Don't jump too fast and break your legs. Don't burn out. You find 15 malas a day comfortable although this is still an effort- stick with this for now. Do not increase or decrease the number of malas for the present". I trust this balanced side of my mind, I feel this is the sattvic side that provides the recipe for continued regular steady sadhana. This balanced approach has always helped me in the past, both in spiritual and material life.

I therefore ignore the rajasic side of my mind which promises me it will do huge amounts of sadhana daily, and later rebels and turns tamasic, refusing to do anything at all. I have seen this rajas-tamas play of my mind plenty of times before and refuse to fall for its tricks this time. However it is not at all easy to always recognise the tricks of one's mind and this is where prayer to God to ask for His/Her grace becomes very necessary.

I pray to God to keep me on the spiritual path, no matter what happens in daily life and no matter what tricks my mind tries to play. I feel it is only because of the grace of God that I have been able to stay on this spiritual path so far.

Now it is coming up to Navaratri time and I have taken a week off from work to recharge spiritually. I plan to enjoy this week by doing kirtan, reading some spiritual books, visiting  a temple or two and just be happy. I want to express my thanks to the Divine Mother for helping me get this far in my sadhana and to request Her help to continue until I attain God.

Aside from reciting the navarna mantra during this time, I will chant the saptasloki Durga and other hymns to the Goddess - basically I will just do what comes spontaneously from the heart (I am disciplined with my daily mantra japa so I allow my mind to be spontaneous when it comes to other sadhanas including this).

Happy navaratri to all. I wish you all the best of luck in tuning the sitars of your minds, to enable regular daily sadhana and attainment of spiritual wisdom and bliss.

Hari Aum Tat Sat



P.S. I am writing a little conversation here between the sattva, rajas and tamas components of the mind. This is intended as a caricature to highlight the absurd conflicting thoughts that can arise in our mind when it comes to starting and doing sadhana.  You may or may not experience something similar at times.

Let's say a hypothetical sadhaka thinks "Hmmmm, let me start doing 5 malas of japa daily. This is a good start as unfortunately I have not been doing any sadhana at all for a while and I want to attain God in this lifetime".

Immediately the rajasic mind wakes up and says "What! A mere 5 malas a day! Don't make me laugh! You will get nowhere with just 5 malas a day. You must do at least 50-60 malas a day- that's more in line what all the past great yogis did. Don't doubt yourself, you are fully capable of this, O hero!"

Then the sadhaka thinks "Well, maybe I would be doing too little going from 0 malas to just 5. Maybe I should do 50 malas daily. As they say, no pain, no gain."

The sadhaka then does 50 malas a day but this takes around 4-6 hours daily, and there is not much time for anything else. If s/he is living in a cave with no other people, this is fine. But if s/he is living in an Ashram or a house with other people, there will be some work expected from the sadhaka. The sadhaka struggles with finding time for Ashram/home/office responsibilities as well as japa. S/he gets exhausted after 2-3 weeks of doing 50 malas a day. Sleep has been reduced because the malas are done late into the night (cannot finish all malas in the daytime due to work in the Ashram/home/office). The sadhaka feels tired and exhausted and unable to concentrate properly on the mantra- the sadhana is not enjoyable and feels like torture.

At this point, when the sadhaka is feeling tired and sad, the tamasic mind attacks him/her. "What are you doing? There is no time right now for this kind of sadhana. It is better you stop this  nonsense now. Your seva/service in the home/office/Ashram is quite enough to worship God. No need to take the name of the Lord for hours like this. Utterly ridiculous! Where do you get such foolish ideas?"

The exhausted sadhaka then gives up the sadhana with relief and some sadness. The rajasic mind now berates him/her severely for stopping the sadhana- "What a complete failure you are! Such a little sadhana you could not do. Look what great sadhana the great yogis can do, and look at you. Where is the comparison! No point worrying about yoga and attaining God. Just live your life as a normal person- you are not fit for any tapas".
Note how the same mind which said the sadhaka was a great hero who could do great tapas, now criticises him/her severely and makes him/her feel like a complete zero. The poor sadhaka shrinks away feeling like a failure and and sadly contemplates giving up the search for God altogether.

At this point the sattvic mind intervenes and says "Friend, don't lose heart. You did not listen to me earlier because the rajasic mind sounded more impressive, but listen to me now. Just start doing a little bit of sadhana daily, something you can manage comfortably. Little by little, as you gradually grow stronger with time, you can increase the sadhana steadily. You are not a failure, neither are you a hero. You need to set some simple achievable goals for sadhana and do it while taking care of your life as a whole. Just start with the 5 malas a day you were thinking about- you will be able to do this easily and this will be a definite improvement on your current 0 malas a day! The name of the Lord is all-powerful and auspicious. Every little bit of japa counts towards your spiritual progress. Come on, let's get started!"

The sadhaka feels renewed hope, and this time resolutely ignoring both rajasic and tamasic components of the mind, says "Yes, I can do a little every day!". In time the sadhaka begins to enjoy the sadhana and continues this steadily for a long while, thus reaping the rich reward of spiritual progress.

Let us therefore listen to the balanced sattvic side of our minds, and try to ignore as much as possible the unrealistic rajasic side and the lazy tamasic side. May God and Guru bless us all in our efforts.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

The play of Gunas in our minds

Hari Om.

It is well known in yoga philosophy that there are three Gunas or qualities present everywhere in the Cosmos, both externally and internally within ourselves. These are termed sattva, rajas and tamas in Sanskrit.

Let us analyse these gunas in terms of the human mind and then see how they interact within us to help or hinder our spiritual practice. Lord Krishna says in the Gita (Chapter 6)- Mind alone is friend, Mind alone is enemy, One should lift oneself with the help of one's mind and not allow it to pull us down. Yoga philosophy is very clear that we are not our minds. We say "my hat", "my clothes", "my body", "my mind"- in other words, mind also like the body, clothes and hat is a possession of ours- it belongs to us...but it is not us. No, yoga philosophy says clearly, you are the Immortal Self, ever pure, ever above the vagaries of your mind, Realise this and be free. And to realise this for ourselves of course, we have taken to the spiritual path.

So with regard to the mind, sattva refers to all qualities that help us live in harmony with others here on Earth and which help us to move onwards on our spiritual journey to realise God. This includes kindness, wisdom, determination, hard work, self-analysis, self-correction, non-judgementalness, compassion, forbearance, patience, humility and many other good qualities.
Rajas encompasses negativity such as anger, pride, lack of self-awareness, lack of self-control, rudeness, hate, impatience....these are hot bubbling emotions that consume a lot of energy.
Tamas is also a type of negativity but of a different sort. This involves apathy (the feeling that I don't care about myself or anything), laziness, dullness, foolishness, inertia. While rajas is about over-activity in the mind, tamas is about under-activity. Sattva is the golden middle way- the path of harmony and balance.

We know as sadhakas, we need to increase sattva in our minds to help us progress and reduce rajas and tamas. This is done in a variety of ways, including through diet, yogic exercises, karma yoga and of course practices such as mantra japa, puja and other devotional exercises.

Let us now examine our minds with regard to some attitudes to our sadhana that we may experience at different times.

The Sattvic mind has this attitude to sadhana:
I am a pure divine soul in reality, I have simply forgotten this, I must discover my essential nature, this is why I have been born as per my Guru and the scriptures (these are the words of God Him/Herself).
My Guru has said Yoga is about acceleration, about speeding up this spiritual evolution (what would take millions of years can take one or a few lifetimes).
I have faith in my Guru- he/she said I must try hard to achieve the spiritual goal of life in this lifetime so I must try.
Also I have faith in God- I may see a hundred flaws in my mind but I know God's Name is all-powerful as per my Guru and the scriptures, therefore I will not lose heart. I will carry on with japa even when the mind is as restless as a monkey, or even when it is as dull as can be. Under no circumstances will I stop my sadhana.
May God always help me to walk the spiritual path, without Him/Her, I would surely fall, but with Him/Her, success is the only option.
Come on, mind, let us do more and more sadhana. It may take one lifetime or a few, it does not matter. Let God do as He/She wishes with us, and He/She knows best. I am in good hands. All is well.

The Rajasic mind has this attitude to sadhana:
No no, no time for japa today, I have to cook, clean, check my emails, write a blog entry, go shopping, check facebook/twitter/whatever social media site, ring my friend, meet that person etc etc.
(If it decides to do sadhana)- Hurry up, hurry up and finish the japa, I've got many more things to do today for pity's sake!
Or at other times, it says, Yes sadhana is very important....but I can't keep doing this sadhana all my life, or even for a few lifetimes....it's too long, I simply don't have the patience......I want to attain God by the age of 40....quick quick, hurry up and attain God.....hurry up and come God...(it doesn't matter that I'm not yet fit to experience You.....just give me a short-cut pleaaaase?!)....

The Tamasic mind has this approach to sadhana:
Oh I'm so depressed.....my sadhana is taking me nowhere. Poor me. I know my Guru (and all Gurus) say you cannot measure the effects of sadhana with the ordinary mind that I have. I know they say the effects of japa, kirtan, karma yoga and other sadhanas are very great but not easily visible. But still, I am not able to really believe this. I don't really trust them.
I also don't really trust myself, or have any faith in myself. I am a very hopeless character. Look at me - I am soooo bad! Anger, lust, pride, jealousy and more nasty qualities all reside in me. I am a verrry depraved person.
 God would never like me. I will not get His/Her Darshan for at least a billion years. What is the use then of my few malas of japa a day. It's pitiful, simply pathetic.That too, my japa is done without any feeling, or real bhakti. I do not have any bhakti. I am just a good-for-nothing.
 Yes I know the story of Ajamila. How he said "Narayana" once without even intending to call for God, and all his sins were wiped out and he attained the Grace of God. But I am even lower than him. Ok it's true I have taken the Name of God a few times but I feel my sins are more powerful than the Name of God!  So poor me, alack-a-day, I am doomed...
 As the tamasic mind reflects in this way on an apparently miserable situation, it concludes that there is no point in continuing any sadhana. It says....my sincerity is all fake anyway....I am simply fooling myself, I am not a genuine seeker.....I may as well just give up now...I simply want to crawl away and do nothing except sigh over my very sad situation....
If one gently asks the tamasic mind, well, how about doing some sadhana to emulate the Gurus as they themselves command, it angrily says.....How dare I even think I can become like Sivananda, Ramanuja and other spirtual greats. How dare I? Yes these great Gurus may tell me a 1000 times that I am a divine being with divine potential like them. But no, I refuse to accept what they say. I like to keep these noble Gurus on a very high pedestal and consider myself very low. It is simply egoistic to want to be great like them! It is better to just accept that I am a lowly being and not bother doing any sadhana than be egositic and want to be like them.
No I refuse to listen to what they say (ironically, the tamasic mind doesn't consider this to be egoism!). Ok they may say "Obedience is better than reverence", they may say "For God's sake stop worshiping me, but instead do some sadhana and become like me!".....but I say, no Guruji....you are up there, you are very great...I cannot be like you, I cannot do sadhana like you.....no I shall not even try to obey you in this.....please save me Guruji, even though I am lazy and do not want to do any sadhana.....I know they say, God helps those who help themselves, but I can't help myself Guruji....I simply can't...help me please.....please ask God to make an exception in my case and grant me instant effortless Samadhi....(LOL :)

I don't know about you but I see all of the above types of thoughts in my mind. I witness this tussle between the sattva, rajas and tamas in my mind.
For example, my sattvic mind says cheerfully, Come let us do japa now, it is very good for us in every way. :)
 The rajasic mind says Ok fine, but hurry up and finish fast, I've got other things to do you know....and while you're at it, hurry up and attain God because this sadhana business is really exhausting.... :(
The tamasic mind says glumly, Ok, we can do japa, but what's the point, we've got sooooo far to go on the spiritual path, what's a few malas of japa gonna do (we're not Ajamila).... :(

(I do not literally talk to myself in this way (not always anyway! ;) ,  but such types of thoughts do arise....am writing them in this format to make it clearer).

Anyway, at present, I feel the sattvic mind by God's Grace has won a little ground over the other two minds to keep some form of sadhana going. It's very useful to monitor our states of mind and see what Guna is predominant.....

To summarise,
Rajas and Tamas are self-sabotage. Destroying oneself from within through doubt, lack of belief in oneself, Guru and God.
Rajas is about self-aggrandisement....feeling oneself to be very important....this will lead to utter destruction on the spiritual path....as it fattens the ego with a sense of superiority and creates separateness from God....
Tamas is self-denigration.....this will also lead to utter destruction on the spiritual path. It is harder to detect than rajas sometimes as it can be mistaken for humility at times....because of the difficulty in detecting this, it is a dangerous hidden enemy within us and is, in some ways even more dangerous than rajas (which is cruder and easier to see so can be recognised and dealt with sooner). Self-denigration subtly destroys our self-confidence under the pretext of humility, and thus erodes our motivation to continue on the spiritual path.....it prompts us to quit the spiritual path altogether or do sadhana dully at a snail's pace, thus not utilising this lifetime properly to realise God...

In the case of rajas, one feels superior to others, to the Gurus and to God...
In the case of tamas, one feels inferior to others, to the Gurus and to God.....
Both are a case of egoism, two sides of the same ego coin, that prevent us from experiencing a sense of oneness with others, with the Guru and with God.

Sattva is self-affirmation. It is absolutely based on trust and faith in God. Faith in God on three levels:
1. Faith in oneself, as a child of God. Yoga philosphy/Vedanta says all is God. The sattvic mind says I am a part of God. My true nature is one with God. My mind may manifest all sorts of rajasic and tamasic nonsense and try and convince me otherwise....but I will not believe these thoughts in my mind....I will believe my Guru who says I am a child of God, that I am divine, stainless, ever pure. I am beyond all the three Gunas in reality, my nature is was and ever will be one with God. Therefore to experience my true Reality, I will with confidence, take the Name of God, knowing this is the way to God....
2. Faith in Guru, as a manifestation of God. The Guru tells us to do sadhana and reveal our true nature which is that of God, like the Guru also did. To obey the Guru is to obey God, therefore the Guru is to be obeyed (not merely worshiped, though that is also good). The Guru/God wants our highest welfare and gives advice to achieve this.
3. Faith in God.....here one says, I will not take lightly stories from the Puranas about the extraordinary saving grace of the Name of God.
Stories such as that of Ajamila and others are not merely from a time long gone and now only for reading purposes....there is a deep spiritual meaning to these events, and a serious relevance to my own life today, living in this modern world.
God remains as accessible to me today, as He was to Ajamila and Gajendra a long time ago. I will with great seriousness therefore take the Name of God, knowing that as it removed Ajamila's burden of sins, it will destroy my negativity and sins too and bring me face to face with God.....

Let us therefore develop a 'gunas thermometer', a witnessing component of our mind that watches our thoughts. Let us regularly monitor our mental gunas temperature....and try our best to stay in the warm balanced sattvic zone, and as far as possible avoid the heated agitated rajasic and the cold dull apathetic tamasic modes of thinking.

Thus we ensure that we follow Lord Krishna's command in the Gita to lift ourselves to experience our real Self/God, through the help of our minds. 

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Thoughts: our spiritual money

Hari Om.

I was recently reflecting on the subject of thoughts. They are so subtle, one can't see them or touch them....most of us struggle to control them. Yet they are the very basis of our experience of life, our speech and our actions.....and therefore, our happiness, sadness, success, failure, everything really!

Strange how we don't learn how to manage our thoughts when we are in school. The only time mainstream society seems to bother about helping people to learn to think properly is in cases of patients with serious mental health issues such as depression, anger management problems, obsessive-compulsive disorders etc. Such patients are offered various types of therapies to help change their thought processes which are harming them and others- one such therapy that is quite successful is "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy".

But what about the rest of us who may not have such serious mental health diagnoses, but also suffer the same problems to an extent e.g. sadness/anger/fear etc are all emotions that trouble us from time to time in life. I personally think all people should be taught how to manage their thoughts in a healthy way- eg how to deal with angry thoughts in a healthy way (should I punch a wall, punch someone or maybe listen to some music and calm down? Lots of people have no clue how to handle powerful emotions. Even if we know what to do with our anger, it can be so difficult to practice. (My husband will vouch for this....after we've had a shouting match.... fortunately not that common but this does happen, I'm ashamed to say).

So it's crazy! We live in a world of perpetual thought- our thoughts and other people's thoughts (we are exposed to others' thoughts via their speech/actions).  But we barely know how to control them.

As sadhakas, we sit for half an hour to concentrate- we mostly wrestle with our minds during this time, and at the end often think, phew that's over for now, that was hard work. Of course at other times, it may be more easy/pleasant to concentrate, but on the whole, it is no easy task.

And yet, the Gurus say, from the spiritual perspective, if one wants spiritual success, then thought is spiritual money, thought is the Way to the Goal, to God. Thought is a very valuable resource, the golden key to Moksha/Nirvana.

We've all probably heard sayings such as "time is money", "Penny wise, Pound foolish" (meaning being careful about saving the small change/pennies, but being careless with the bigger currency/pounds)....the Indian equivalent would of course be "Paisa wise, Rupee foolish".

In the spiritual world, thought is spiritual money. (Yes in spiritual life, time is money, but thought is even bigger money). You get spiritual success by thinking of God. Oh how easy it sounds, but how difficult it is. Just think of it and you get it! But there is a caveat. You have to think of it, *all the time*. Not so easy now. You have to think of God all the time to get Him.

So if thoughts are spiritual money, how are we spending ours? The more spiritual money we spend on God, i.e. the more we think of God,  the closer we draw to Him/Her and the higher our chance of attaining God in this lifetime.

Penny wise, pound foolish is a wise proverb that can be applied to spiritual life. If one spends half an hour in a day thinking of God, and 23.5 hours thinking of other things, then that is being spiritually 'penny wise pound foolish'. One is simply throwing away one's spiritual money, one's valuable thoughts. 

Ideally one should spend the greater part of the day thinking of God (saving the spiritual pounds), not simply spending a little time thinking of God (saving a few spiritual pennies).

So our thoughts that glide and slide this way, our thoughts that meander here and there often with little rhyme or reason, these thoughts are everything in spiritual life. They are the key to our success.

We have to get some control of them. We can't just let them go all over the place like a crazed drunken elephant.

The Gurus offer some words of caution here in mind management. They say the mind is like an elephant.....it has to sway from side to side as it walks. So let it sway...but a little, not wildly. If you try and control the mind-elephant too strictly, it will get angry and turn against you. If you leave it to its own devices,  it will go wild and play havoc with you.

Therefore we have to be wise mahouts of our mind-elephants....gently tapping it from time to time with the stick of the name of God and various spiritual practices to keep it going on the spiritual path. In this task, we are best of asking God Himself for help with controlling this difficult thing that He made. It is no easy task.

So if thought is spiritual money, I should be pretty careful how I plan my day to avoid thinking about rubbish and make sure I think about Him. I need to be picky about what I read, who I hang out with, where I go, what movies I watch....how boring this sounds, but it is exactly the advice our spiritual masters give us. They say, be picky, be choosy. Don't just let the mind-elephant go wild.

For example, this year I have been reading and following the news more avidly than previously. What has been the result? More mental agitation and stress and revulsion at the horrific things that people do. It does not help that journalists rarely report any of the good things that people do.

So after reading some of the recent world events,  my mind at one point was jumping about, saying Oh my God, how can people kill each other in the name of God....what madness! After a while, it calmed down. I began to think, the world has not been a nice place really, say for the last 1000 years of history at least. But this has not stopped many people from achieving their spiritual goals in life.

For example, Meera practiced her sadhana in the midst of an invasion of her land by people who disliked her religion, it did not stop her attaining Hari. Swami Sivananda was born in India when it was under foreign rule and he lived during the second world war- this did not stop him meditating on and attaining God. In fact, after attaining God, he was a great help to the rest of humanity in spreading the message of peace rendered powerful by his own direct experience of God.

Similarly all the spiritual masters of recent times, Ramakrishna, Ananadamayi Ma etc lived in times when the political situation in their country was very bad, where irreligion and adharma was the norm in politics. None of the disturbing world events around them could entice them into thinking too much about this. No, they thought obsessively only about one thing, i.e. God. They were very stingy with their spiritual money, with their thoughts, directing these only to God. We need to save our spiritual money like them, be stingy with our thoughts like them. We need to be able to say...I'm not going to waste my thoughts on that not-so-nice person, those bad events, whatever....I'm going to spend my thoughts wisely to get what I want, what I came here for....i.e. God.

I was therefore telling myself, ok there's war, killing and madness all over the world, so what's new? It was worse in the time of Meera, Ramakrishna and Sivananda- they lived in a land subjugated by foreign rulers. At least I have always lived in countries where I am relatively free to think and live as I want.

Why then should I spend my thoughts, my spiritual money, on horrible world events and even a possible third world war. It would be more useful for me, and possibly for the world, if I direct my thoughts to God and send out some peaceful thoughts- instead of more agitated thoughts.

So I've decided to save my spiritual money, my thoughts, a bit better from now on. In the time of Meera, I'm sure she did not spend too much time wondering about the terrible foreign invasions of her land...she wisely spent her time thinking about Hari. I think I'd best do the same. Let the messy world affairs be taken care of by that Hari who knows how to handle these.....I'll just mind my own business which is to think more of Hari...after all, that's the reason for my taking birth here.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Tug of war

Swami Sivananda says "Bear insult, bear injury. This is the highest sadhana." Sounds good, but very difficult to practice.

Today I had a chance to see how well I can practice this maxim of my Guru. It was a mixture of success and failure, mostly failure. I experienced a particularly unpleasant tug of war between my higher mind and lower mind.

The episode involved a group of rude strangers. I am presently at an ayurvedic resort receiving some rejuvenation treatment (feeling utterly exhausted after five years of working as a trainee doctor). After the treatment involving a brisk massage with warm medicated oils, the patients are expected to rest in an open area for an hour and only then bathe. I was resting in a chair and reading a book (had just started the introduction chapter to the Lalita Sahasranama). The patients here are a mixture of Indians and visitors from abroad. While I was reading quietly, a group of three non-Indians came and sat close to me and started making fun of the way local Indians speak English. What was slightly comical is English was not their native tongue either and they spoke with pretty strong accents themselves! I thought it was reasonable to find an accent funny, but to loudly and crudely make fun of an accent in the presence of a native of that country (myself) was uncalled for. They glanced sidelong at me a few times, clearly well aware that I could hear them, and either not caring what I thought, or deliberately trying to be insulting. I remained like a statue externally, entirely absorbed in my book, and seemed oblivious to their comments. I did not speak a word to them or look at them....after a while, they walked away.

Although externally calm, inwardly I was witnessing a fine battle between my higher mind and lower mind.

The higher mind said many things such as "let it go...what's the big deal.....don't react....don't get annoyed....it's a spiritual test.....remember they have God inside them too....how can you get angry with a manifestation of God......remember to see God in all.....a true saint, a real bhakta, would feel goodwill to such people not anger....remember anger is an asuric property, a flaw in the mind...they are doing this out of foolishness only....their conduct harms only them, why should it affect you...be calm...compose yourself.....dear, dear, you have a long way to go on the spiritual path!"

The lower mind on the other hand was practically somersaulting in indignation....it said things like...."how rude!!.......why are they saying these things in my presence deliberately to irritate me, or not caring about the impact of their words.....I don't even know them!.....how would they feel if I visited their country and made fun of the local acccent in front of them......vulgar, crude, mannerless people....their karma will get them!....belonging to a wealthy country in this life is not a permanent position of strength....it is not a guarantee of a place in heaven and certainly not of self-realisation......they will have to bow down in humility to all before they can realise God....such impertinence.....Grrrr!"

In the middle of all this, I was also talking to God, saying look what a position You have placed me in. Clearly this is a spiritual test. You have manifested Yourself as these people and are being rude to me (who am also a manifestation of You). On top of this, I am experiencing all these un-spiritual negative emotions in response which painfully remind me what a beginner I am on the spiritual path. Why can't You make these ignoble feelings in me go away? I feel very frustrated at my reaction to these people- it makes me feel like I have made no spiritual progress at all!
What type of Lila is this? Your Lilas are always highly confusing.  I cannot believe how far away I am from becoming a saint. My mind is utterly wretched. On the bright side, it is said that all will realise God so I just have to plod on and keep saying Your name. What a mess this world is. All sorts of mad people, including me, thinking negative thoughts indiscriminately about each other. It is no wonder that the world is filled with fighting of every type and every kind of misery. Oh God, have pity on us, poor humanity, the majority of whom have no idea of the mind, how to control it, have no purpose in life aside from living a very basic existence with petty thoughts.

This episode was yet another reminder of how far I have to go before I entertain loving thoughts spontaneously to those who try to harm me. Bear insult, bear injury- it's no joke. Becoming a Krishna, Buddha or Jesus is clearly not at all easy. But plod on we must, with the Name of God as our trusty companion. As Gurudev says, for beginners on the path, the world in our best Teacher. Dreaming one is a great yogi while meditating in a cave is one thing, but the ability to handle the world and all the people in it with equanimity and goodwill is the real test of our yogic abilities, and of our spiritual strength.

Hari Om Tat Sat.