A play: Conversation between the higher and lower mind

 Hari Aum.

The inner battle within the spiritual seeker is a lifelong journey which only ends when one attains God-realisation, i.e. recognises one's true eternal nature as one with God.

Until then, there is a constant struggle between the two aspects of human nature-- the divine and the undivine. The divine thoughts within us are our inner 'devas' (demi-gods). The undivine are the inner asuras (demons). The cosmic battle between the devas and asuras that the Puranas (spiritual scriptures) describe occurs within the human mind too. This battle occurs everywhere in the material universe, on a micro level (within people's minds, hearts and homes) and on a macro level (between countries).

As one walks the spiritual path, this battle only intensifies. As the higher mind grows stronger by developing a connection with God and Guru, the lower mind grows more rebellious; it wants to resist this submission to God.

I thought I would write a short play on this battle, as a conversation between the higher and lower mind. It may seem a bit light-hearted, but at its core, there is a serious message. This battle is very real. It is taking place, on some level, in every one of us, in every spiritual seeker.

When it goes wrong, when the higher mind gives up, and the lower mind wins, the spiritual seeker loses much, and suffers greatly. When the higher mind wins, the seeker experiences true joy, peace and bliss, which comes from closeness to God. But as we will see, the higher mind can only work by also taking into account the existence of the lower mind. We need to accept all aspects of our being as we walk the spiritual path.

So, let us begin. Let us imagine a conversation between the higher and lower mind.

Higher mind: sitting quietly doing some mantra recitation.

Lower mind: (bored, aimlessly wandering about). Looks at the higher mind. Gets frustrated with it and then says "Hey, we need to talk."

Higher mind: "Ok, but not just now. I'm doing some mantra recitation/japa. I need to finish another 20 minutes and then we can talk".

Lower mind: "No! It needs to be right now! 20 minutes is too long!".

Higher mind: "Ok. Let me just finish this mala. I need another 5 minutes."

Lower mind (rolls eyes): "Ok then. Hurry up".

Higher mind: completes the mantra recitation and then says "Ok, what's up?"

Lower mind: "What's up?! Are you kidding me? Everything is so difficult and you are saying 'What's up?'. There needs to be some serious change around here. I'm not happy."

Higher mind: "What's the trouble?"

Lower mind: "What's the trouble?! I'll tell you what's the trouble! The trouble is, there's too much discipline around here. Not enough fun. What the world regards fun, I mean. Not your 'fun'-- your japa and kirtan. That is so boring".

Higher mind: "I'm sorry you don't find japa and kirtan fun. It is actually quite nice once you really get into it".

Lower mind: "Yes, well, it's not my style, ok? I need to have more normal fun. I'm talking about that phrase your Guru disapproves of; you know, the 'eat, drink and be merry' lifestyle. That's what I want. I'm tired of all this self-control and discipline business. It's getting us nowhere. You said there would be bliss and peace on this path. Well, where is it? Nowhere, that's where. All we are getting is trouble-- illness, meeting difficult people, that's it. I've had enough, I tell you!"

Higher mind: "Well, this is just part of the process. Before spiritual bliss can be experienced, there needs to be a thorough cleansing of the mind and purgation of past negative karmas. All this difficult stuff we are going through is part of the spiritual journey; every spiritual seeker has to go through this." 

Lower mind: "All I can say is that I'm really fed up. We've been on this path for nearly twenty years-- that's when you first started talking about this spiritual nonsense and dabbling in meditation and suchlike. It's been a long time and I've put up with it so far. But I think the time has come for a change of scene. We need to be more normal, live a regular life. Eat what we like, drink what we like, have fun the way everybody else does. Stop thinking about spirituality and God all the time. That is really tedious."

Higher mind: "True peace and happiness are found only in God. You know that. You can see the world around you. The suffering, the challenges. As Sivananda says, one portion of joy is mixed with several portions of sorrow in this world. Nothing lasts here. Everything fades away. Death takes away everything here. There is an immortal realm though, the place where we truly belong. We are on our way there. It's a state of consicousness that can be achieved through the practice of spiritual disciplines and yogic ethics."

Lower mind: (frustrated) "Why are you always so gloomy and depressing? Why do you always talk about disease and death? What is the matter with you! Cheer up, for heaven's sake! Sure, death exists. We've all got to die one day. So what? Let's just enjoy the pleasures of life while we can. Forget all this talk of death and immortality-- it is all nonsense. Not worth thinking about."

Higher mind: "It's the only thing worth thinking about in truth. As I said, everything fades away. If we don't pay attention and live well, we will leave here with huge feelings of regret, that we did not make the most of life."

Lower mind: "There you go again! What a killjoy you are. No fun whatsoever. You and your Guru are seriously over-the-top. Constantly talking about the problems in life. Why can't you just enjoy the good stuff around here? On that note, I want to suggest some major changes in our mode of living."

Higher mind: (uneasily) "Really? What changes do you want to see?"

Lower mind: "I want to see a lot of changes. Basically, I want to be normal. I want to stop living according to these yogic ethics for a start. Ahimsa, Satya and Brahmacharya! What the heck is that about? Complete waste of time. I want to lose my temper when I feel like and show people who's boss. I'm tired of trying to be polite and forgiving all the time. I don't want to be that way anymore!"

"Also, I'm seriously sick of this Satya (truthfulness) nonsense. What's wrong with a few white lies occasionally? What's wrong with telling a few bigger lies on occasion too? Lies can be really useful you know!"

"And this 'brahmacharya' or self-control stuff is really rubbish too. I want to have fun-- eat whatever I please, drink whatever I please and hang out with whoever I please. I want to start eating meat again. We've been vegetarian for nearly two decades. Waaaay too long! Time for a change. I want fish for dinner--I miss fish, used to find it really tasty."

Higher mind: (quietly) "You know we can't give up the yogic vows. They form the very basis of happiness, here and hereafter. They are in accordance with the law of karma, the law of God. They are based on dharma or righteousness-- and without dharma, there is no happiness. That is the divine law. We have to live by the laws of God, of the universe, we cannot make up our own laws and expect to be happy. That just won't work".

Lower mind: (dismissively) "Karma, sharma, what nonsense. What God, where God? Where is God? Look at all the misery around us! He made this world, it's His fault it's such a mess. Don't talk to me about God!"

Higher mind: "I'm really sorry. We just cannot give up those vows. They are absolutely essential. We'll be destroyed without them. I'm willing to compromise on some other stuff though. How about you eat some more sweets? We've been a bit tough on that lately."

Lower mind: (angrily) "Sweets! You think you can bribe me with a few sweets! I'm not that stupid. I'm not going to be fooled so easily. Sweets is just a part of it, I want all the changes I just mentioned. I want a complete revolution, a massive change in lifestyle. Do you get it?"

Higher mind: (calmly) "No. That is not going to happen."

Lower mind: (furiously) "No? No? Who do you think are? You act like you're the boss around here, the way you think you can call all the shots. Well, let me tell you, you're not my boss, and I'm not having it anymore. I want to eat fish and other types of meat-- I don't care if animals suffer. I want to eat and drink what I like-- I'm not interested in the effects of diet on meditation, that's nothing to do with me. And most of all, I don't care about your God and Gurus and their laws of karma and dharma. All that means nothing to me. Nothing! I want to live life on my terms, not theirs!"

Higher mind: (breathing deeply and trying to stay calm) "Listen, I know this is hard. Living a human life on this planet today can feel really hard. There's a lot to deal with. I get that. Everyone including us has their own troubles. Dealing with our issues and the issues of people around us can be tough. It's hard work. I know none of this is easy."

Lower mind: (bursting into tears) "Yes, it's not easy. Not easy at all." 

(Sniffling and dabbing nose) "You think you're so wise. You say you're after God. And in the process, you act as if I'm the enemy, and you neglect me, you behave as if you want to destroy me. But what right do you have? Who said you're allowed to do that?"

"Do you not know what your precious Puranas say about me? They say that the God you worship is the origin of everything-- everything including me. If you read the description of the Virat Purusha (cosmic form) of Narayana (in the Bhagavatam), you will find all aspects of me included-- desire, anger, pride and all. That's right, I come from God too, just like you and everything else does. You have no business to crush me. God created me just like He created you. It is up to Him alone as to what happens with me. If you try to crush me, I will destroy you."

(Looking dangerous) "Many spiritual seekers have fallen down, very very low, due to the power of the lower mind. You know that don't you? You've seen and heard about this. People falling off the spiritual path, giving up all spiritual practices. Swamis breaking vows of sannyasa (renunciation) and mistreating disciples, householders neglecting their duties and performing undivine actions-- all this is due to the power of us lower minds. I too can do all this and much more. I have my own power-- given by God, given by His aspect called 'Maya'. I know what I am, I too have been created by God for a purpose. If you do not respect my right to exist, I can become very nasty indeed. You won't like that, believe me!".

Higher mind: (swallowing nervously) "Listen, I hear you. Don't get extreme. I'm sorry if I've been harsh on you. I was just trying to do the best for us both. As you rightly say, God is the origin of both of us. I was just trying to get us both back to our origin as I know that is where we will find lasting happiness. I know we both have the same goal-- to be happy".

Lower mind: "Yes, but you've been too extreme. I don't get to do enough of the stuff that I like, and this has been getting worse with time. I want to have a more regular life-- watch some regular, non-spiritual movies, listen to regular music (not kirtan/bhajan all the time!), have a more fun diet (stop policing me constantly!). If you let me have more fun, I'll let you do your dull stuff that you claim will bring us lasting happiness....mantra japa, kirtan, whatever. But your stuff needs to be in moderation too, just like my fun!"

Higher mind: (feeling some relief) "Ok, I'm sorry if I've been extreme. I really am. You're not my enemy, and I'm not your enemy. We're friends. We both want happiness. And happiness is God. I'll do the work to get us there, all you need to do is let me do it. And you're right, you do deserve to have your version of fun sometimes. How about we go for a 'regular' non-spiritual movie sometime? And ok, you can have some more sweets, I'll try not to police you so much."

Lower mind: (dabbing nose, and looking at higher mind out of the corner of the eye) "How about some fish for dinner? Oily fish is good for the heart you know, that's what science says!"

Higher mind: "Now don't push your luck too far-- no fish! Ahimsa is vital, we cannot support the killing of other living beings, that is not an option. There's no compromise on the commitment to yogic ethics, we won't get any happiness without them. I've agreed to some more sweets, and a movie. That's it for now. We can do more stuff as we go along. And I'm being really moderate with the mantra japa now-- doing a very modest amount, along with a little kirtan now and then. I hope that is ok?"

Lower mind: (sighing) "I guess so. This spiritual business is really very dull. Such a long boring road. But it's true that this world is no piece of cake either. Look at it-- pandemics, economic crises, wars, lunatic politicians. No fun at all. I suppose you're right to look for more lasting happiness elsewhere, in God or wherever."

Higher mind: (smiling) "I'm glad you agree with me that this world is no piece of cake. And yes, we will find happiness in the One who made us both. Thank you for agreeing to let me continue the mantra japa and spiritual practices-- I really appreciate it. It will be worth it, I promise".

Lower mind: (rolling eyes again) "Yes, whatever. Finish your mantra japa quickly, I can't wait to get hold of some of those chocolate biscuits sitting in the kitchen!"

Higher mind: (also rolling eyes) "Ok, ok. Just be quiet for a bit and I'll get it done! Sheesh."

Lower mind: (smiling, thinking about the chocolate) "Ok, I'll be quiet for a little while!" 

End of play!

As we walk the spiritual path, it is important to take along all parts of our being-- the higher and the lower. It is common for spiritual practitioners to see the lower mind as the enemy, to try to crush it. This has unfortunate results. After being crushed for a long time, it recoils like a snake and can bite one viciously. Over the years, I have met people who have walked the spiritual path for a while and then broken important vows that they took as they could not bear it any more. It is necessary to be patient and gentle with ourselves as we go through the many experiences and challenges of life, including spiritual life.

The spiritual journey is a long one with many surprises, both 'good' and 'bad'. It takes tremendous patience to keep walking this path, and we need the help of all aspects of our being, both the higher and the lower mind, to whatever extent possible. And, as long as we do the mantra practice every single day, come hell or highwater, we will make steady progress on the spiritual path, as we will remain in touch with God, the One who is the origin of all aspects of our existence.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Kundalini, mental health and spiritual development

 Hari Aum.

In the past few days, I have been reading a book called "Living with Kundalini" by a yogi of the last century known as Gopi Krishna. I have read about sixty per cent of it and hope to finish it in the next couple of days. This book describes how a sincere spiritual seeker practices a seemingly simple technique of meditation of a type known as 'Kundalini yoga'-- and how this goes very wrong (before, by God's grace, he manages to correct things). 

This specific type of yoga technique should only be practiced under the watchful eye of a true Guru. This is because 'Kundalini yoga' has the capacity to awaken the spiritual energy known as Kundalini (that lies dormant in every human being) unusually quickly compared with other yoga paths. 

In an unprepared mind, the awakened Kundalini can unleash devastating mental and physical health problems with associated pain, mental disturbance and in rare cases, even death. In a properly prepared mind and body, the awakened Kundalini eventually grants the experience of spiritual enlightenment.

The yogi, Gopi Krishna, was genuinely seeking God when he started practising Kundalini yoga meditation without a Guru. He then experienced the awakening of the Kundalini. This led to months of extraordinary physical and mental pain and suffering (before he was finally able to balance the energy by the grace of God). The reason he suffered was because the spiritual energy was expressing itself in a mind and body that was not yet fit for purpose. 

Let me give you an example to highlight this point. Imagine for a moment, that a snail is suddenly given the consciousness of a human being. What would it feel like? Would it be pleasant or unpleasant? It would be wonderful but also frightening and shocking, as it is such a radical transformation of consciousness. To have the body of a snail, but the consciousness of a human being, would feel very disturbing for a snail and turn its life completely upside down.

The human consciousness requires a suitable instrument, namely the human body to express itself fully-- the human mind, intellect and personality require a human body for complete expression. A snail is a beautiful creation of God and may very well be capable of much more thinking and feeling that we humans currently realise. However, clearly its consciousness is not the same as that of a human being; it can eat, sleep and procreate but it may not be able to think, feel, analyse and meditate as human beings can (the yogis say that one day, the soul in the body of a snail will acquire a human body, but until then, the soul must be patient).

The universe gives each creature (or soul) a body that matches its level of consciousness. This is an important point.

A higher-than-human consciousness requires a suitable physical instrument to express itself. The human body and mind, according to the yogis, are capable of being transformed into such an instrument. This is done by following a clean diet (based on non-violence towards any living being; generally this is vegetarian), ethical principles, and certain physical exercises (yoga asanas) and breath control (pranayama).  The practice of mantras and singing the names of God are powerful cleansing techniques (aside from being methods to cultivate devotion to God). 

There are many ways to prepare the mind and body for the awakening of spiritual energy, and these generally need to be practiced for a significant period of time. This is required to cleanse the body and mind energetically in order to ensure that the spiritual energy, Kundalini, can be safely expressed.

Gopi Krishna and other yogis say that the awakening of Kundalini is not as uncommon as one might think. In general, it can be a frightening and disconcerting experience for those who are unprepared. It involves an experience of tremendous energy, described as light or a void, a 'roaring' energy like a 'waterfall' or a river flowing at terrible speed. There are various descriptions by various people but they broadly involve the experience of a terrific energy that one would not have experienced previously.

I have possibly had a limited experience of this a few times in my life and the terror it generated provided me the motivation to do mantra japa every day without fail. As mentioned in a previous post titled 'unglamorous spiritual experiences', on a few occasions I have experienced a frightening black void, devoid of anything including my own existence, and associated with a terrific sense of speed. And, in that state, the only thing that existed was the name of God, specifically 'Keshava' and 'Narayana'. Hence my great love for these names; they were my solace, my refuge, when I felt nothing else could save me. 

I therefore trust these names of God like I trust nothing else in the world. For a long time, I wondered what this scary experience could be. After reading some similar experiences of other yogis, I recently realised it was very likely the Kundalini that exists in all of us. I have often said that I strongly feel the Divine Mother is my 'sadhana shakti', the force behind my spiritual practice. Kundalini is a manifestation of the Divine Mother, a manifestation of divine energy or Shakti. And so, I realise that it was literally my experience of Her, albeit in this unfamiliar terrifying form, that created a powerful motivation in me to do mantra japa every single day. I am therefore very grateful to Her.

Coming back to Gopi Krishna, as he had no Guru, he had no one to turn to when his Kundalini awakened and began to work on him. The description of what he went through is both petrifying and fascinating. It serves as a powerful reminder for us to avoid playing with things that we do not know and understand. Like a mother tells a toddler to never play with fire, so the Gurus (our spiritual parents) tell us to never play with Kundalini. She is not a toy. She is the very life force, the the breathtakingly, incredibly powerful force of creation, preservation and annihilation. Her power, Her glory simply cannot be described in words even by those who are enlightened, much less by spiritual seekers.

All paths of yoga ultimately lead to awakening of the Kundalini. In a prepared human instrument, the awakened Kundalini travels from the base of the spine to the crown and a divine union of consciousness occurs. This sacred union produces the experience of universal consciousness, wisdom and a bliss beyond anything experienced in this world. I will write another post on Kundalini and 'spiritual anatomy' one day for those who may be less familiar with this (though most of you probably know about this already, i.e. the nadis, chakras, astral body etc). 

However, some paths of yoga, such as mantra yoga, involve a gentle, steady purification of the mind and body and a natural, safe, slow arousal of the Kundalini. Other paths of yoga, such as Kundalini yoga, involve a sudden, shocking awakening of the Kundalini. The former paths of yoga are relatively safe, with or without a Guru (as the deity of the mantra protects the person reciting it). The latter path, Kundalini yoga, offers no protection without a Guru. 

A Guru is usually needed for all paths of yoga. But one can make a start on one's own on the path of mantra/bhakti yoga until one's Guru appears (in fact, it is recommended that one makes a start on one's own to show that one is serious about spiritual progress and this can then lead to the appearance of the Guru). But one should never try Kundalini yoga on one's own without a Guru. This is the advice of Sivananda and many other spiritual teachers.

During the course of my training as a doctor, I worked in psychiatric hospitals and saw a range of severely unwell patients. Mental illness unfortunately has a stigma associated with it, though it should not (as it is extremely common all over the world, in all sections of society, including in doctors and nurses). It should be treated with the same compassion and sympathy as physical health issues such as a broken leg or cancer. 

In some ways, mental illness can be even more tragic than physical illness as it can feel like one loses a sense of one's very self, one's own mind; few things can be as painful as this. My present work involves the recognition and treatment of individuals with mental health issues in the community, and requires working with doctors in the hospital setting. 

As a person who practices both medicine and spirituality, I was recently reflecting upon the similarities and differences between the signs of spiritual development and mental illness. I feel it is important to be aware of this so that we can recognise what we may be going through if we develop these symptoms. I would therefore like to share my thoughts on this subject here.

Mental illness can range from mild to moderate to severe. Mild symptoms of anxiety and even depression (without suicidal thoughts) are very common. Many adults, and sadly even children, experience this during their lifetime. Some people choose to manage this on their own and others prefer to seek medical help.

Moderate mental illness may involve significant anxiety with panic attacks and depression with suicidal thoughts (this often requires medical input in the form of talking therapies and/or medication). 

Severe mental illness is less common (though this has also increased significantly during the pandemic along with mild/moderate mental illness). This always requires medical help, and the sooner help is sought, the higher the likelihood of a good outcome. 

There are various signs of severe mental illness, which include the experience of psychosis. Some key symptoms of psychosis include:

1. Hallucinations (hearing voices of known or unknown people; seeing people that others cannot see i.e. auditory and visual hallucinations are the most common)

2. Delusions (feeling that one is somebody that one is not e.g. a king/queen/inventor etc)

3. Disordered thoughts (feeling that others can see one's thoughts, control one's thoughts etc)

In addition, people with severe mental illness can often experience the following (in the acute phases of illness, until they recover):

1. A loss of function: an inability to carry out basic self-care (bathing, personal care), household tasks (cooking, shopping etc), or professional work.

2. A strain or break in relationships: those who are close to them may find it difficult to cope with their symptoms, and this may lead to relationship break-ups

3. Unusual behaviour and speech: for example, an inability to control speech (speaking unusually excessively or too little), excessive abnormal spending, excessively sexualised behaviour which may put one at risk of harm.

Sometimes, rapid awakening of the Kundalini in an unprepared individual can manifest as mental illness in the manner described above. In this situation, one must stop the practice immediately and seek appropriate help from medical practitioners; in addition, one may wish to consult an experienced spiritual practitioner.

People who are progressing spiritually may experience some of the above symptoms which can feel alarming; however, there are important differences between this and mental illness. And there are certain clear boundaries that are never crossed as described below.

Before we go further, it is important to recognise that, in the world of yoga and mysticism, the mind is said to have far more capacity compared with the current medical understanding. Sivananda has written a book called 'Thought Power' where he beautifully describes the mind and its extraordinary capacities. Other Gurus have expressed similar views. Telepathy, thought transference and so on, are regarded as genuine phenomena accordining to yogis. 

However, yogis who are progressing spiritually, or already spiritually advanced, do not experience hallucinations, delusions or disordered thinking.

It is true that over time, over a long time, more advanced yogis may develop a capacity to truly read minds, to converse with spiritual people who may not be physically present, to transfer their thoughts to others and receive thoughts (genuine telepathy). 

Their experience is clearly grounded in reality though. It can be confirmed by the other party i.e. if a yogi reads my mind, I can confirm that the thought s/he detected, is what I actually was thinking. In the case of a mentally unwell person, there is a false perception of telepathy, i.e. they are unable to truly recognise the thoughts of others but only believe that they can.

So the experience of a yogi can be tested and confirmed as being true. Their experience is true perception in contrast to the mentally unwell individual. This is one key difference.

Secondly, yogis generally do not lose the capacity to function in daily life or to maintain healthy connections with other people. They are generally able to feed themselves, bathe, dress, perform household tasks and work for the welfare of society. 

In fact, the majority of yogis, both spiritual seekers and Gurus, are actively involved in social work for the welfare of others. (Note- in exceptional cases, advanced yogis may go through short phases where, due to being in 'samadhi'/enlightened state, they neglect the care of the body).

In contrast, individuals with severe mental illness are generally unable to work intensely in the service of society (in the acute phase of their illness; they usually require rest and recovery and, once better, may be able to take up work again.) 

Thirdly, yogis generally have very good self-control and will power. Despite having good and bad days, even beginner spiritual seekers will have some degree of these qualities. One will not just say or do anything that comes to mind. 

The will-power is used to control the sometimes unruly mind and moderate its conduct. Genuine spiritual practitioners will also make a strong attempt to abide by the yogic ethics of non-violence (ahimsa), truthfulness (satya) and self-control (brahmacharya). They will not let their mind run amok doing whatever it pleases. 

In contrast, those with severe mental illness are usually unable to control their minds. It can be very difficult for them to control their speech and behaviour (however, this can often improve with suitable medical treatments).

So these are some of the key similarities and differences in the signs suggesting spiritual progress versus mental illness. 

I have met and read about yogis who have suffered mental break-downs and find it difficult to accept that they are going through a period of illness rather than spiritual progress. While walking the path of yoga, which involves dealing with the mind and its many complexities, it is very important to remain grounded. 

The practice of ethics, and the presence of a Guru and other spiritual seekers in one's life, can go a long way in ensuring that one stays safe on this valuable path which takes us to the goal of human life, namely, spiritual liberation.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Om Shri MahaLakshmyai Namah.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

A prescription for spontaneity and self-kindness

 Hari Aum.

I'd like to write a bit about spontaneity and self-love/kindness here. It actually feels pretty strange for me to write about these topics because, over time, I've cultivated the exact opposite qualities-- being disciplined and self-critical. These qualities are common in society particularly amongst professionals and spiritual practitioners. 

Being disciplined and organised allows one to get things done in an efficient manner. Being self-critical enables us to meet the standards we set for ourselves and that are expected in our professions. In contrast, being 'spontaneous' is something that can feels a bit weird. And being self-loving to many people can feel positively bizarre!

The funny thing is that I often tell my patients to be kind to themselves (especially those with mental health issues). But like many doctors, I do not find it easy to practice this myself. The whole of the medical profession, and modern life for that matter, defines success as something that includes being efficient, organised and good at planning. 

And somehow, spontaneity seems to be a quality associated with artistic people-- musicians, dancers, actors and the like. The practice of the sciences seems to encourage a mindset where the intellect rules over the heart-- where efficiency and time management are the key (of course artistic people probably have these qualities in plenty too. There is just a perception amongst many, rightly or wrongly, that they are better at being spontaneous than scientific people).

Recently I had a chat with a senior Swami from the Sivananda tradition about my spiritual life (she is based in Europe). I told her about the issues I face-- the difficulty with God-remembrance, the issues with being not being disciplined enough, the mind wandering hither and thither, the lack of adequate devotional feeling etc. 

After listening to me for a while, she told me that there are two aspects of spiritual life which need to be in balance for it to be healthy. One side certainly is discipline, being self-critical/analytical and planning. But the other side is being spontaneous, joyful, and practicing self-love/self-kindness. 

My main issue currently, she said, is that I am 'too much in the head' and not enough 'in the heart'. Too intellectual, not enough heart-based, specifically not loving/kind enough to myself. 

"Too much self-discipline, planning and self-criticism is the issue", she said. "Be more spontaneous, more joyful, just allow yourself to exist with all your flaws and as you are. This is an important aspect of spiritual balance", she said. "This is what is needed to progress spiritually".

I stared at her blankly. "You want me to completely change my approach?" I asked. 

"That's a big ask. I've been doing things this way for a long time. I don't know how" I said.

She told me there's nothing to be done. "Just be", she said. "Send yourself some love", she said. 

"Which 'self' do you mean?", I asked. "My Higher Self/God (who exists in me and everyone) or my lower self (the dreaded ego, the enemy of spiritual life). Because I believe the Higher Self/God in me should receive my love, but not my lower self (the monkey mind)."

 She looked at me steadily and said-- "just yourself. The self that feels happy. The Higher Self and lower self are both a part of God. Stop the excessive self-discipline, stop torturing yourself with the constant self-policing. Just stop!". 

"Let yourself experience some joy in life, some sweetness, some fun. Consider some music and dancing". 

"I have taken up music and dancing", I told her. "I attend a devotional music class once a week. I also recently took up salsa dancing which I have not done in years. These do in fact make me feel happy and allow me to be less self-critical. When I sing and dance, I am in the moment, I enjoy myself (with relatively low self-criticism)."

"That", she said, "is what you should do more of".

I told her that I had recently told myself to do kirtan every day as a discipline. "Otherwise it won't get done and my day will be wasted", I said. "My life will be a spiritual waste. I will not be able attain the spiritual goal", I said feeling anxious. 

"What you are doing now is blocking your progress", she said. "This is not the way. Your path is too imbalanced". "There is too much discipline and self-analysis, not enough spontaneity and self-love/kindness." 

"You're so Christian, so much emphasis on 'good' and 'bad!", she exclaimed at one stage (She comes from a country where Catholicism is traditionally practiced).

"Let yourself just exist", she said. "As you are." 

"I eat too much ice-cream sometimes" I said. "I am not disciplined enough"

"So what?" she said. 

I looked at her in shock. "So what!" I said (in my head). 

"But, but...Sivananda sounds so strict in his books. He tells his disciples to be self-disciplined", I protested. 

"That is only in some places" she said. In other places, he tells his students to be joyful and spontaneous!"

"Ok" I said cautiously, "I will try and be spontaneous". 

"Not try!" she said.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. 

"Say 'I will do it!'", she said firmly. 

"Ok, I will do it" I said nervously, feeling very out-of-my-depth. "Thank you for the advice!".

"One final thing, can I continue my daily mantra japa? I asked "I did pledge to do a certain amount over some years as a discipline."  

"Yes, you can do your japa" she smiled. 

"Laugh a little more every day" she added laughing.

As I look back in time at my spiritual life, and my life in general, it is true that self-discipline and self-analysis/self-criticism have played an important part (these are probably reflected in my blog entries too!). These qualities have served me well in many ways. I would not have achieved many of the things that I have, both in material life and spiritual sadhana, without this approach. But I feel Swami ji is right-- I seem to have accidentally taken it too far.

So I am going to follow her advice. And "just do it", be more spontaneous, do some more random music and dancing (and resist the temptation to plan the spontaneity!). And just be a bit kinder to myself in general, as I tell my patients to be. 

I'm going to let my hair down and eat ice cream without feeling guilty. And maybe some chocolate too (without labelling it 'rajasic' for a change). And perhaps not force myself to do kirtan every day (as I said in the previous post; I told Swami ji about the divination experience)-- but shock-horror, just when I spontaneously feel like it.

Last April, when I was being particularly self-critical and felt like a terrible disciple, I had a dream of Sivananda (in the early hours of Easter Sunday in fact) in which he simply told me to continue spiritual practice (he was not judgemental or critical of me at all, just really kind like a mother. This dream made me feel much better about myself).

This new approach will not be easy as it is completely different from what I have become used to. But perhaps it is just the prescription I need to heal my spiritual life. We will see!

This post is for anyone else who has gone too far on the path of discipline and in the process, forgotten how to enjoy the more relaxed, spontaneous side of life. 

Om Namo Narayanaya. May He bless us all with a bit more fun and spontaneity in spiritual life!

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

P.S. I am pleased to say that I am eating some ice-cream with fruit as I write this and do not feel guilty at all as it is the 'medicine' advised by the Swami! :) 

P.P.S. 

July 18, 2022

I would like to add an important footnote. One has to be careful as to the people from whom one accepts spiritual advice. The Swami mentioned in this article is a lady of tremendous discipline and bhakti/karma/yoga practice (she has been doing this for around four decades). I have known her from the time I discovered Sivananda in Nov 2004 and she was the one who initiated me into my mantra in 2005 (as an instrument of Sivananda).

She has known me for nearly 18 years and is aware of most major events in my life and my spiritual practices (the highs and lows). I have contacted her whenever I feel I face a significant obstacle in spiritual life.

There are times when she has asked me to increase the spiritual discipline. This is the first time that she has told me to back off a bit. 

I listen to her because I feel she knows what she is talking about as she is an advanced spiritual practitioner. And because, I have seen that she has walked the walk, not just talked the talk.

There are other people in my life who, over the years, have told me to tone down my spiritual practice using the same language as her--'you are overdoing it'. However they are not spiritual practitioners. Hence their words are not based on spiritual understanding, as in the case of the Swami, but rather  are an expression of their feeling that the spiritual path itself may not be worth it. Hence I naturally cannot accept such advice.

Therefore, one needs to carefully decide who one trusts in spiritual life and only take advice from them. Once the trust is present, one should be willing to listen with an open mind and implement the advice given.

Some of the instructions the Swami gave me in our recent conversation were not easy for me to listen to (as it was different from what I am used to). And some of the language she used towards me was tough and not flattering, while at other times, she was kind and encouraging. 

I trust her enough to know that when she criticises me, she means well; she is a true well-wisher and her words are based on experience (and her own connection with our Guru Sivananda, not mainly from the lower self/ego). Therefore I am not offended-- I listen and take her words seriously. And when she is encouraging and gives me permission to relax spiritually (something I could not do for myself)-- again, I listen and take her words seriously.  

It takes a spiritual practitioner to know another. She has guided many students on the spiritual path and walked it herself. This is the key. One cannot give any spiritual advice without having walked the path oneself, every step of the way. Without making many mistakes, correcting oneself and refusing to give up. Only by experience can one know what others may be going through and give appropriate advice.

It was Guru purnima last week. Salutations to all true Gurus who guide spiritual students every single day (whether or not they are physically present on Earth today).

Om Sri Gurave Namah.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Tuning the sitar string just right

Hari Aum.

I will write about the importance of balance in spiritual life today. I will share my views on how to continue long-term spiritual practices based on my own experience of what works and the obstacles.

We all know that sadhana is only successful if one is willing to work for a long time. The light of our sadhana needs to be steady and regular like the sun which rises every day. It should not be like a comet, which flashes dramatically in the sky for a short time and then disappears.

But how to sustain sadhana for years and years like the great yogis so that we can experience the benefits?

The secret lies in balance. Sadhana must be intense but yet it should be enjoyable. Now this may sound like a paradox. When we say intense sadhana, we usually mean that this should involve some suffering. Like standing on one leg for years, or fasting for months or some other self-torture. Yes some suffering and penance is inevitable in spiritual life. But one's sadhana must never feel like a type of self-torture or one will not be able to do it for long.

One needs to feel one's sadhana is enjoyable, one must slowly develop a love for it- so much so, that one desperately wants to ensure it happens every day. This way, no matter what the life circumstances are, one will ensure that one can do sadhana regularly.

So how to do sadhana daily without it feeling like a punishment, a torture? The key is balance, a sattvic approach.

One must take great care in building up a daily practice. The rajas and tamas elements in the mind will always try to mislead one.

Let me give an example relating to the obstructive forces of rajas and tamas when it comes to building a daily practice.

About 14 years ago, I was in my first year at medical school and the first term was over. An end-of-term examination was coming up and six weeks were given beforehand to prepare for this. There was a lot of material to learn and I was determined to do well in the exam. I therefore made a very tough timetable and studied hard for long hours every day without allowing any proper breaks.

As a result, after about four weeks of working like this my mind felt burnt out. I felt I just could not face looking at a medical textbook. Due to this burn-out, the final two weeks of the holidays were wasted as my mind felt unable to study. Fortunately the exam still went okay, but I learnt a serious lesson from this experience.
The mind must be handled carefully to get work out of it. One must work hard with proper breaks to give the mind time to recover so it will work efficiently. Needless to say, for the rest of my medical school examinations, I ensured a careful balance between work and rest and performed well.

I have applied this same rule to my spiritual life. The same rajasic part of my mind, which made me overwork and burn out on that occasion in medical school, tries to make me burn out in spiritual life. This side of the mind says "Do more, do more"- basically do an unsustainable amount of daily sadhana.

We all have this rajasic component in our minds. This side of our mind promises everything and does nothing. It tells us the sadhana we are doing is a mere nothing, one must do huge amounts that are unsustainable to succeed. The moment one tries to do this, the rajasic mind turns tamasic.
Like a chameleon, it rapidly changes colour and says "Oh I am too tired, this sadhana is too tough, I cannot do it, it is torture, I want to give up and stop".

This way the mind tricks one in to committing to a huge amount of sadhana which it promises it will do, and later it rebels and stops everything.

Stopping sadhana is a very unfortunate situation which must be avoided for success in spiritual life. So how to handle the danger of this rajasic-tamasic mind?

The answer is the sattvic approach. The middle way. The path of balance. One has to tell the mind- "Look here, I want to do sadhana every day for years, understand? So I will work every day, and I will rest and recover everyday. I will neither overwork, nor underwork. I will take the balanced approach, the middle way. This way I can continue sadhana for a long time".

Yogis give the example of tuning the sitar. If the sitar string is made too tight, it will break and you cannot play music (this represents rajas- overdoing it and breaking in the process).  If the sitar string is too loose and slack, again you cannot play (this represents tamas- not doing enough).

If the sitar string is tuned just right, you can play beautiful music (this represents sattva, the balanced approach). Similarly the mind must be tuned just right to get proper sadhana out of it. It must be handled carefully like musical instrument.

One must take on only that much sadhana which feels comfortable and enjoyable to do. If one enjoys the sadhana, one will do it daily. If it feels like a terrible pain, a tremendous strain, our mind will give it up at the earliest opportunity. And then we will be nowhere.

As my third puraschanara comes to a close (will be completed in about three weeks), the rajasic component of my mind has been inciting me to increase the number of malas dramatically.

Over the past six years, I carefully built up a routine of doing on average 11 malas a day. (Before I started my purascharana practice, in 2011, I was doing just 1 mala twice a day- so 11 malas a day was a big step for me.) It took me some years to become comfortable doing 11 malas every day without a break.
In the past few months, after very careful consideration, I increased this to 15 malas a day. This was because 11 malas felt relatively easy-  and although 15 malas daily requires some effort, it is still not a huge strain- I should be able to manage this every day if I am disciplined.
I intend to do the fourth purascharana at 15 malas a day so this will take 1.5 years instead of 2 years to complete (and therefore gives me more time overall for future sadhana).

However my old friend, the rajasic mind, regularly tries to sabotage my sadhana efforts. It says "Come on, what is all this nonsense of just 15 malas a day? What kind of tapas is this? Why don't you do 21 malas daily, then you would finish a purascharana in a year! Why not do 24 malas a day, then you would complete it in just 10 months. That would be great!"

I know that my current situation will not permit  me to do 21-24 malas daily- this is due to my work as a doctor and other home-related responsibilities. I am a japa yogi but I combine japa with karma yoga (my work/home responsibilies). Furthermore, my Guru Sivanada, advised a balanced approach- japa, karma, jnana, hatha yoga (not just japa yoga).

Therefore the balanced aspect of my mind says- "Wait, wait. Go slow and steady. Don't jump too fast and break your legs. Don't burn out. You find 15 malas a day comfortable although this is still an effort- stick with this for now. Do not increase or decrease the number of malas for the present". I trust this balanced side of my mind, I feel this is the sattvic side that provides the recipe for continued regular steady sadhana. This balanced approach has always helped me in the past, both in spiritual and material life.

I therefore ignore the rajasic side of my mind which promises me it will do huge amounts of sadhana daily, and later rebels and turns tamasic, refusing to do anything at all. I have seen this rajas-tamas play of my mind plenty of times before and refuse to fall for its tricks this time. However it is not at all easy to always recognise the tricks of one's mind and this is where prayer to God to ask for His/Her grace becomes very necessary.

I pray to God to keep me on the spiritual path, no matter what happens in daily life and no matter what tricks my mind tries to play. I feel it is only because of the grace of God that I have been able to stay on this spiritual path so far.

Now it is coming up to Navaratri time and I have taken a week off from work to recharge spiritually. I plan to enjoy this week by doing kirtan, reading some spiritual books, visiting  a temple or two and just be happy. I want to express my thanks to the Divine Mother for helping me get this far in my sadhana and to request Her help to continue until I attain God.

Aside from reciting the navarna mantra during this time, I will chant the saptasloki Durga and other hymns to the Goddess - basically I will just do what comes spontaneously from the heart (I am disciplined with my daily mantra japa so I allow my mind to be spontaneous when it comes to other sadhanas including this).

Happy navaratri to all. I wish you all the best of luck in tuning the sitars of your minds, to enable regular daily sadhana and attainment of spiritual wisdom and bliss.

Hari Aum Tat Sat



P.S. I am writing a little conversation here between the sattva, rajas and tamas components of the mind. This is intended as a caricature to highlight the absurd conflicting thoughts that can arise in our mind when it comes to starting and doing sadhana.  You may or may not experience something similar at times.

Let's say a hypothetical sadhaka thinks "Hmmmm, let me start doing 5 malas of japa daily. This is a good start as unfortunately I have not been doing any sadhana at all for a while and I want to attain God in this lifetime".

Immediately the rajasic mind wakes up and says "What! A mere 5 malas a day! Don't make me laugh! You will get nowhere with just 5 malas a day. You must do at least 50-60 malas a day- that's more in line what all the past great yogis did. Don't doubt yourself, you are fully capable of this, O hero!"

Then the sadhaka thinks "Well, maybe I would be doing too little going from 0 malas to just 5. Maybe I should do 50 malas daily. As they say, no pain, no gain."

The sadhaka then does 50 malas a day but this takes around 4-6 hours daily, and there is not much time for anything else. If s/he is living in a cave with no other people, this is fine. But if s/he is living in an Ashram or a house with other people, there will be some work expected from the sadhaka. The sadhaka struggles with finding time for Ashram/home/office responsibilities as well as japa. S/he gets exhausted after 2-3 weeks of doing 50 malas a day. Sleep has been reduced because the malas are done late into the night (cannot finish all malas in the daytime due to work in the Ashram/home/office). The sadhaka feels tired and exhausted and unable to concentrate properly on the mantra- the sadhana is not enjoyable and feels like torture.

At this point, when the sadhaka is feeling tired and sad, the tamasic mind attacks him/her. "What are you doing? There is no time right now for this kind of sadhana. It is better you stop this  nonsense now. Your seva/service in the home/office/Ashram is quite enough to worship God. No need to take the name of the Lord for hours like this. Utterly ridiculous! Where do you get such foolish ideas?"

The exhausted sadhaka then gives up the sadhana with relief and some sadness. The rajasic mind now berates him/her severely for stopping the sadhana- "What a complete failure you are! Such a little sadhana you could not do. Look what great sadhana the great yogis can do, and look at you. Where is the comparison! No point worrying about yoga and attaining God. Just live your life as a normal person- you are not fit for any tapas".
Note how the same mind which said the sadhaka was a great hero who could do great tapas, now criticises him/her severely and makes him/her feel like a complete zero. The poor sadhaka shrinks away feeling like a failure and and sadly contemplates giving up the search for God altogether.

At this point the sattvic mind intervenes and says "Friend, don't lose heart. You did not listen to me earlier because the rajasic mind sounded more impressive, but listen to me now. Just start doing a little bit of sadhana daily, something you can manage comfortably. Little by little, as you gradually grow stronger with time, you can increase the sadhana steadily. You are not a failure, neither are you a hero. You need to set some simple achievable goals for sadhana and do it while taking care of your life as a whole. Just start with the 5 malas a day you were thinking about- you will be able to do this easily and this will be a definite improvement on your current 0 malas a day! The name of the Lord is all-powerful and auspicious. Every little bit of japa counts towards your spiritual progress. Come on, let's get started!"

The sadhaka feels renewed hope, and this time resolutely ignoring both rajasic and tamasic components of the mind, says "Yes, I can do a little every day!". In time the sadhaka begins to enjoy the sadhana and continues this steadily for a long while, thus reaping the rich reward of spiritual progress.

Let us therefore listen to the balanced sattvic side of our minds, and try to ignore as much as possible the unrealistic rajasic side and the lazy tamasic side. May God and Guru bless us all in our efforts.

Hari Aum Tat Sat