Gurus and pedestals

Hari Aum.

As we know, a spiritual guru is a god-realised being. S/he is one with God. Such a person should be rightly placed on a pedestal as they are one with God Him/Herself who is perfect.

However, before a person becomes a guru, they are an 'ordinary' person. They had to do sadhana too. If they were born perfect, without any flaws such as lust, anger and greed, then there would have been no need for them to do any sadhana.

Many disciples write biographies of their gurus as if they never had any flaws at all. This is doing a great disservice to the mission of the guru. The whole point of the the guru's teaching is that we should do intense sadhana to overcome the flaws in our mind and character as he/she did, and thus attain god-realisation. We are meant to take inspiration from the example of the guru him/herself.

If the guru is portrayed as perfect and flawless right from the beginning, it is difficult for us to relate to them and be truly inspired by them (and this is also a false portrayal, as the guru was not perfect before doing sadhana). Sivananda used to say that if one person can become a saint, then anyone else can too. It just requires the right attitude and effort.

Recently a Swami who set up many yoga centres around the world has been accused of not being celibate when he portrayed himself as such. We are all human and frail. If a Swami/Swamini cannot keep his/her vow of celibacy, that is okay. We can accept that they are human too. What is absolutely unacceptable, however, is pretending to be celibate in public, and not being celibate in private. That is hypocrisy.

This is what this Swami has been accused of (I will not name him here as he has passed away and some investigation is being conducted into these allegations which involve various women). Sadly, many Swamis have been found to behave in this way. This is similar to a married man/woman having multiple partners without the knowledge of their spouse. It shows a serious lack of ethics and is an example of falsehood. The edifice of spirituality requires strict adherence to truthfulness as its foundation (as far as possible). There can be no real spirituality where falsehood is practised.

Yogis describe God as Truth. For the attainment of this great Truth, to know this Truth, we have to first practice truth in our ordinary lives. We have to try our best to avoid telling falsehoods as far as possible. This also forces us to think carefully before we act. If we act nobly, there is nothing to lie about. We can live peacefully. If we act wrongly, we will feel a desire to hide it, cover it up. This will lead to falsehood.

It is good to recognise the human element in gurus before they became gurus. Their weaknesses and frailties, not only their great strengths. This does not reduce our faith in them. Rather, this reminds us, gives power to their message to us, that we can do it too. They ask us, their disciples, to practice sadhana and attain God like they did. They tell us this is our birthright-- because we too are the children of God. We too have God residing in our hearts. We were born for no other purpose except to realise this fact and experience it fully.

Sivananda used to say "Onward, Godward". Vishwamitra, the great rishi and seer of the Gayatri mantra, fell prey to the apsara Menaka's charms. He conquered the desire in his mind and became a great rishi. Sivananda says the rishis, male and female, are the ancestors of all humankind. He declares that their blood runs in our veins. We are their children. He therefore asks us to practice sadhana and reclaim our heritage, the spiritual knowledge that we have been born to attain.

May God bless us with constant remembrance of His/Her holy name. May we, through His Grace, speedily overcome the flaws in our minds, and attain Him in this very lifetime.

May the coming year, 2020, be a year of great spiritual progress for us all. May all the rishis and true Gurus bless us in this worthy endeavour.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.
Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Season's greetings and some updates

Hari Aum.

Another year comes to an end. Hope all readers had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate). As many of you were probably aware, last night (Dec 25th) a solar eclipse took place. Many astrologers said it was a unique one as it involved six planets together in the sign of Sagittarius. Eclipses can indicate some significant changes in our life, some fructification of our karma (both individually and collectively).

The more one performs spiritual practices (sadhana), the less one will be influenced by one's own negative karma. The eclipse last night was an excellent opportunity to do sadhana such as japa, puja, homam, kirtan and so on. The yogis say that the positive effect of spiritual practices on oneself and the world at large is magnified when these are done during an eclipse. (I've written more about eclipses here-- https://mantrayoga.blogspot.com/2017/08/eclipse-enhancing-power-of-japa.html)

My fourth purascharana has been rumbling along at a steady pace. This is probably the most challenging and rewarding one I've done so far. I felt inspired to write the four Krishna books during this time (something I'd never planned to do but really enjoyed doing). I also had a baby and started the adventure of parenthood (which I see as part of my spiritual life) during this purascharana. Finally, I had some inspiring and encouraging dreams, some of which interestingly came true in real life. I feel I've been tested by God and given the strength to cope with these tests in the past two years. And now this purascharana is finally coming to an end. It will end in about six weeks time (slightly later than originally planned due to having a baby but fortunately not that much later!).

After months of sleep-deprivation (thanks to baby!), I wondered if I would have the stamina to wake up in the early hours of the morning and do japa during the eclipse. By the grace of the Divine Mother and my Guru, I did manage it and feel very grateful to them! I sat and did japa for about 2.5 hours with a fairly reasonable level of concentration (though it did reduce towards the end as I felt tired). This was significantly beyond my usual ability as I can normally sit for about an hour at a time before I feel the need for a break.

There is another eclipse, a lunar one, coming up in about two weeks. I'm hoping to utilise that one for spiritual practice too. Who knows what the future holds. We must keep going and hope for the best.

On that optimistic note, I'd like to wish all readers a very happy new year. May God bless us all with peace, joy and prosperity, and most of all, with spiritual advancement.

Also, as in previous years, the four Krishna books will be available for free download on New Year's day as well as the day before and the day after (Dec 31, Jan 1 and 2 from midnight PST). (I'm working on the paperback versions of books 3 and 4-- apologies for the delay, hope to have these out in the coming months).

This is the link for the books (you need the free Kindle app to download them on to your phone/tablet/computer):

https://www.amazon.com/Vishnupriya-Devi/e/B07B95YQCV%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share


Hari Aum Tat Sat

Narasimha worship to overcome fear

Hari Aum

My Guru, Swami Sivananda, says that spiritual aspirants will have to face their fears squarely to succeed in spiritual life. Yogis say there are three categories of suffering that human beings face-- those from one's own body/mind (e.g. diseases), those from other living beings (animals, people, devas, astral beings etc) and those from nature (flood, famine, fires etc).

Nobody wishes to suffer so people often experience fear when they face the above. Diseases produce fear; ferocious and venomous creatures produce fear. Some people fear astral beings (negative entities) while others fear severe weather.

Sivananda says that courage is absolutely necessary in spiritual life. He declares that timid people are completely unfit for spirituality. However, fear is a perfectly natural emotion. It is related to our survival instinct. Having said that, our minds often produce a lot of unnecessary fear related to events that will never happen, or imaginary threats. This consumes a lot of mental energy, exhausts us and makes our life unhappy.

Therefore, it is worth considering some spiritual remedies to instil courage into our minds and overcome all fears.

Any name of God is capable of bringing all auspiciousness into our lives and of destroying all fear and inauspiciousness. However, certain forms of God are often worshipped to destroy fear. One such form is Narasimha, the man-lion avatar of Lord Narayana.

Narayana manifested the Narasimha avatar to protect His devotee, the child Prahlada from the demon Hiranyakashipu (the father of Prahlada). The form of Lord Narayana is usually peaceful and calm-- He is called 'Shantakaram'. However, in this avatar, He takes on a most furious form. He is depicted as an wondrous being, with the face of a magnificent lion and the body of a powerful man. 

All the gods, demons and everybody (including Narayana's own consort, Goddess Lakshmi) was terrified at the sight of Him and were unable to calm His anger. They tried to pacify Narasimha but did not succeed. Finally, in desperation, they begged the child, Prahlada, for whose sake Narayana had assumed this extraordinary form, to go to Narasimha and calm Him down. 

Prahlada then approached Narayana in His Narasimha avatar and praised Him with a hymn. This calms down the great man-lion avatar and He affectionately took Prahlada in His lap and blessed Him.

I recently came across the Lakshmi-Narasimha strothram. In addition to chanting the ashtakshara mantra of Narayana, listening to this gives me courage to face my fears. 

I am sharing the links below to the stothram on Youtube and an English translation by someone on their blog.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsZdqxEMk7c&list=RD6TNE-i8ZvKs&index=2

http://murpriya.blogspot.com/2012/06/sri-lakshmi-narasimha-sahasranamam.html

I will summarise some of Lord Narasimha's great qualities described in this prayer. He is described in the following terms:

Magnificent in appearance, huge in size, handsome, charming, with extremely sharp teeth and claws, the embodiment of beauty, beloved of His devotees, loving towards His devotees, the destroyer of all negativity (including negative spirits), the protector of all beings, the Supreme Being. He is described as the true father, mother, guru and friend of all beings. 

He has beautiful eyes (lotus-eyed), has a beautiful form (dark like monsoon clouds) and is bright like lightning. He is described as the husband of the beautiful Lakshmi. He is beyond the three gunas (qualities) of Prakriti (nature); the giver of of four goals of life, namely dharma (righteousness), artha (wealth), kama (worldly enjoyments) and moksha (spiritual peace, wisdom and bliss). 

In my Guru's book, Japa yoga, the following mantras are given to worship Lord Narasimha

The Narasimha gayatri mantras:

1. Om Vajra-nakhaya vidmahe, Tikshna-damshtraya dhimahi, Tanno Nrisimhah prachodayat.

2. Om Nrisimhaya vidmahe, Vajra-nakhaya dhimahi, Tannah simha prachodayat. 

Anushtubha mantra (has 4 parts each containing 8 syllables not including Om):

Om Ugram Viram Maha-Vishnum,

Jvalantam Vishvatomukham,

Nrsimham bhishanam bhadram,

Mrityu-mrityum namamyaham.

One of the slokas from the Lakshmi-Narasimha stothram described above that mentions Narayana is:

Namostu Narayana Narasimha,

Namostu Narayana Virasimha,

Namostu Narayana Krurasimha,

Namostu Narayana Divyasimha.

This means, I bow to you Narayana, in the form of Narasimha, as a heroic lion (Virasimha), as a fierce lion (Krurasimha) and a divine lion (Divya simha).

May Lord Narasimha's blessings be upon us all. May we be blessed with courage to walk the spiritual path and attain true devotion and spiritual peace.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

P.S. Nov 13, 2019:  Since writing the above, I also came across the famous and very beautiful Narasimha kavacham which protects the devotee from all problems and grants all auspiciousness. It was recited by His devotee, Prahlada and is described in the scripture called the Brahmanda Purana.

YouTube link to a beautiful rendition of the kavacham:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd932-Hcgj8

Meaning of the kavacham:

http://www.hindupedia.com/en/Narasimha_Kavacham

The ego and self-esteem

Hari Aum.

The ego is described by yogis as the key obstacle in the attainment of God. What is the ego? It is the sense of feeling separate from the all-pervading God (who is present in all creatures and things), as opposed to feeling one with Him/Her/That/all creation. It also includes pride, anger, likes, dislikes and other qualities of mind.

Sivananda describes the ego in detail here:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=817

The goal of every seeker is to merge one's individual ego in the Cosmic ego or Supreme Being which is described as the state of God-realisation or Self-realisation.

By the way, I have noticed a curious habit amongst some people in spiritual organisations. People in positions of authority (such as a leader, teacher, Swami etc) in these places sometimes take it upon themselves to 'test' other people's egos. I have both seen and heard of various Swamis, senior brahmacharis and others who treat people harshly and then claim to be doing it for their own good, to test the egos of the people they are being harsh to.

According to Sivananda and other gurus, the only ego that every spiritual seeker should be working on is their own. Taking it upon oneself to 'test' other people's egos is only a method of increasing one'e own ego-- not helpful in spiritual life. The only people who can really test anyone's ego is a true, self-realised Guru who is one with God. Spiritual seekers, even if they may have been practising for a while, are not in any position to test anybody. Being deliberately harsh to others breaks the cardinal rule of ahimsa (non-violence). This creates negative karma and can only lead to one's own downfall. One should not therefore take it upon oneself to 'test' anybody's ego.

Equally, one should not allow oneself to be mistreated in the name of spirituality. In general, one should not put up with nasty treatment by others thinking that they are only doing it for our own good, that they are testing our ego etc (A real guru may be appear to be harsh at times but is genuinely acting for our welfare-- but there are very few real gurus around on the planet).

Being spiritual does not mean being a doormat. Having a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence is necessary on the spiritual path. One has to have faith in oneself along with faith in God and Guru in order to succeed in spiritual life. A person who despises him/herself will not get very far. One has to be kind to oneself as well as to others to make progress in spiritual life. One has to be accepting of one's own flaws and work on them patiently and equally, be accepting of other people's flaws (and realise that they are also evolving in their own way).

The yogis say that one should cultivate compassion towards those who are suffering, indifference towards those who are wicked and delight in the company of the good. This, they say, leads to calmness of mind and helps one to progress in spiritual life. This is said to be the yogic way to conquer one's own ego and attain God.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Vishnu shatpadi stothram

Hari Aum.

I recently came across a beautiful prayer to Vishnu (Narayana) known as the Vishnu Shatpadi stothram composed by Adi Shankaracharya.

This prayer consists of six stanzas that praise Vishnu and request Him to rescue one from the ocean of samsara (the cycle of birth and death).

I would like to share a couple of links to this prayer here.

The website below contains the prayer and a nice musical rendition:

http://reveredhinduism.blogspot.com/2016/06/vishnu-shatpadi-stotram.html

Another beautiful musical rendition of the above prayer that I found on YouTube is below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nFl4lLCYzk


Hari Aum Tat Sat

Free download of Krishna books this month

Hari Aum.

In celebration of my Gurudev Sivananda's birthday on September 8 and recent Janmashtami (Krishna's birthday), I am making all four Krishna books available for free download the coming weekend (Sept 7-8, from midnight PDT).

This is the link to my Amazon author page which shows all four Kindle books:

https://www.amazon.com/Vishnupriya-Devi/e/B07B95YQCV/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

Om Sri Krishnaya Namaha.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Spiritual parenting- a powerful sadhana

Hari Aum.

I'm continuing to try to integrate spiritual life with my new life as a parent. My daughter is now about two months old and my life continues to be dominated by 2-3 hourly feeding and nappy-changing including at night! It is no joke I can tell you!

However, as my Guru Sivananda says, any task can be made into sadhana (obviously unethical acts are not included). It is the attitude with which one does it that counts he says.

During one of my recent night-shifts feeding the baby, I was reminded of the worship that people do during MahaShivaratri. During this auspicious night that is sacred to Lord Shiva, people usually remain awake throughout and perform worship. One popular form of worship is to perform puja of Shiva every two hours during the night which involves bathing His idol with milk, yoghurt, ghee and honey.

I was reflecting that, since God exists in all beings and things, if one can offer milk to Him/Her in an idol then one can certainly regarding feeding one's child milk as a form of worship to Him/ Her (as He/She exists in the child too). If one was waking every 2-3 hours at night every day for weeks and months to perform puja of an idol of God, we would say that is pretty intense tapas. So why not regard the feeding of one's child as tapas? In fact, Sivananda and other Gurus say that worship of God in human beings is more effective in pleasing God than worshipping Him in idols as He is more manifest in the former. This is the reason why people offer food to the poor as a form of worship in many temples in India (known as 'anna danam' in Sanskrit).

As caring for my daughter is taking up a lot of my time and making it hard to perform formal worship/puja, I have taken to doing this as worship of Narayana (as present within my daughter). I say 'Sarvam Sri Krishnarpanamastu' (meaning I offer everything to Lord Krishna) regularly throughout my day to convert all my daily activities into worship as far as possible. As Krishna Himself says in the Uddhava Gita (I am paraphrasing here)-- if you are going to work hard on this Earth anyway, do it as an offering to Me so that you become eligible for the highest spiritual gain and not merely some small Earthly result.

It is not the act that counts, it is the attitude that counts. The same feeding of a child as a parent becomes a form of the highest worship if one feels that it is the Lord to whom one is offering care not merely one's child.

Yes, as human beings, we cannot help but see the human element in others and respond to this. However, as yogis, we can remind ourselves that there is a divine element in us all (in fact, in reality this alone exists). Therefore, our interactions and service of our relatives, friends and society as a whole becomes nothing less than worship of Him alone.With this attitude, we will make rapid spiritual progress even in the most mundane of environments-- in our homes and at our workplaces. It is not necessary to live in a cave to attain God, one can do it in one's home too-- so says Sivananda in his writings for householders.

Sivananda says "See God in every face and in every object. Have a cool, balanced mind always. If you develop this changed angle of vision and Divine Bhava in daily life by protracted and constant practice all actions will become Yogic activities. All actions will become worship of the Lord. This is quite sufficient. You will get God-realisation quickly. This is dynamic Yoga. This is very a powerful Sadhana. I have given you a very easy Sadhana. Hereafter you should not bring your lame excuse and say, "Swamiji, I have no time to do spiritual practices." Even if you have a little practice of the above Sadhana for three months you will notice that you are a changed being altogether."

By the way, Krishna Himself advises this sadhana described by my Guru as the best way to attain Him in the Uddhava Gita.

See below for link to the full article by Sivananda:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=472

His article on advice to householders:

http://www.dlshq.org/messages/householder.htm


I wish all those householder yogis who are striving earnestly on the path of self-realisation the very best. May God bless us with the ability to transform all our actions into tapas and may we all attain God in this very lifetime itself.

Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Om Tat Sat.

P.S. I have also recently taken to singing a bit of the Mahamantra (Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare) as a lullaby to my daughter at bedtime and also while nappy-changing. Singing the mantra appears to calm her down a bit, and even if it doesn't calm her every time, it certainly calms me and helps me cope if she is yelling the place down! ;) It's also a handy way to build some kirtan into one's life as a parent.

P.P.S. Purascharana four is currently continuing at a modest 7 malas per day. Even this is proving a challenge in the midst of caring for the baby, but I find that repeating the mantra while nursing is the simplest way to ensure that it gets done. The Swami at the Sivananda Ashram in Rishikesh with whom I have occasional online satsang also advised this as a good way to do sadhana and at the same time, exert a positive influence on my daughter. In time, once my sleep-deprivation improves, I plan to increase the malas back to 11 a day again. 

Song of spiritual practice in all circumstances

Hari Aum.

I became a parent just over a month ago and it has been an interesting experience so far! There is the joy of having an opportunity to care for a child, who like all else in this universe, is a manifestation of the Supreme Being. Like all things in this world, it is the Divine hand that shapes and creates all.

Along with the joy, there are the challenges of parenting. The current main challenge is the significant sleep deprivation (as newborn babies require feeding every 2-3 hours both in the day and at night!) and the resulting fatigue. Doing spiritual sadhana in this condition is no easy task.

On the plus side, as I am now awake every 2-3 hours, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, I have an opportunity to try and fulfil my Guru Sivananda's command to try and remember God at all times! And when one is in a significantly sleep-deprived state at 3 am and the baby is wide awake and wanting to play instead of sleep, one can definitely make heartfelt prayers to God (to let the baby sleep so that one can too, as long as His will permits this of course)!

Finding time for formal sadhana is tough in this situation. But one then has the motivation to try to make everything one does into sadhana. Caring for another living being is a great privilege and can be made into an excellent sadhana- though it is not always easy by any means!

A Swami from my Gurus's ashram in Rishikesh recently told me that God has given me an excellent opportunity for sadhana in the form of making me a mother. He also said that the sacrifices that parents make for their children is the reason the yogic scriptures declare "Matru devo bhava, Pitru devo bhava" (from the Taittiriya Upanishad)- meaning the mother is God, the father is God (well, everything is God but good parents are regarded as one of the noblest manifestations of God according to the yogis).

Anyway, I am still plodding on with my fourth purascharana. I had to reduce the number of malas for a couple of weeks from the time I went into labour and gave birth but this has now picked up again. (By the way, as one can imagine, labour pains are a great reminder of the pains of samsara- not that I needed reminding- and so I was repeating my mantra pretty desperately during this period!)

As I go through life through the fog of sleep-deprivation and fatigue, I remind myself of a famous devotional song (not sure who composed this) which Swami Chidananda (disciple of Sivananda) used to enjoy singing. This song basically says that no matter what circumstances one is in (good, bad, pleasant or unpleasant) one should say "Radha-Raman" (a name of Krishna that means the lover of Radha) or in other words, remember God. I feel this applies very much in my current circumstances.

The song goes like this (Hindi):

Jis haal mein, jis desh mein, jis vesh mein raho;
Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman kaho.

Jis kaam mein, jis dhaam mein, jis gaon mein raho;
Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman kaho.

Jis sang mein, jis rang mein, jis dhang mein raho;
Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman kaho.

Jis yog mein, jis bhog mein, jis rog mein raho;
Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman kaho.


The English translation is as follows:

In whatever state, in whichever country, in whichever form you are,
Say Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman

In whatever work, in whichever abode, in whichever village you are,
Say Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman

In whatever company, in whatever condition or mental state you are,
Say Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman

Whether in a state of Yoga, in earthly enjoyment or in sickness,
Say Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman, Radha-Raman


Swami Chidananda says:

"You have no other business than to be in God, to link up with Him, to dwell in Him, to be centered in Him. That is Life. When it is there, all is well. When it is not there, life is not life. Misfortune is not misfortune and good fortune is not good fortune, as we normally say in this world."

"Real misfortune is to forget God. Real good fortune is to remember God. Vismriti (forgetfulness) of Hari is true misfortune. In this way, we are told to approach God with Bhakti; no matter what the outer conditions are. Do what you have come here for."

"If you are mindful of that, all things will be well, no matter how seemingly up and down and painful they are. Basically, at the core, everything is well. All is well, if you are intent on doing for what God has sent you; to be what you are, as God has created you in His own image, as His own Atma, as a center of divinity. Therefore, the essential words in the Song of Chidananda are ‘har haal mein’.  Always be what you are. This is Abhyasa, this is Sadhana, this is Bhajan."

This is the link to the book by Swami Chidananda which contains the above song and teachings:

http://www.chidananda.org/uploaded_files/ebook/1422611307.pdf

I will try and remember and practice these teachings of Swami Chidananda as my life as a householder intensifies having become a mother. In the midst of laundry, changing nappies, feeding the baby and doing household chores, I will do my best to remember God and repeat my mantra. As he says above, "Do what you have come here for". I will try my best to do so.

Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Yogeshwara- book 4 in the Krishna series

Hari Aum.

I have just published the fourth and last book of the Krishna series that concisely describes the life of Lord Krishna as told in the ancient scripture, the Srimad Bhagavatam.

This book contains Krishna's final spiritual teachings before He withdrew His physical form from the Earth, popularly known as the 'Uddhava Gita' or 'Hamsa Gita'. He discusses a variety of important spiritual concepts ranging from the value of a human birth, to the law of karma and various spiritual paths.

The concepts described are similar to those of the Bhagavad Gita along with some additional teachings. He also describes in detail the method of meditation upon Himself and how to perform ritual worship. Finally, He states that the simplest way to attain Him is to see and worship Him in all living beings and things and by the cultivation of devotion.

Please see below for links to the books (available in Kindle format currently. A paperback version will be made available in the coming months).

This book, Yogeshwara, will be available for free download this week on June 21, 22 and 23 (from midnight PDT).

Also, all four books in the Krishna series will be available for free download on Krishna Jayanti/birthday of Krishna which occurs on August 23 this year.

I hope that you enjoy this book and find it useful as a guide for your spiritual practices.

Amazon India

https://www.amazon.in/Yogeshwara-life-Krishna-Srimad-Bhagavatam-ebook/dp/B07T4Y1FS2/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=yogeshwara&qid=1560763245&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Amazon USA

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07T4Y1FS2/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3

Amazon UK

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07T4Y1FS2/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3

May Lord Krishna bless us all.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

P.S. I am expecting a baby in the next few weeks so things may be a bit quiet on this blog for a month or so. 

Superstition, black magic and spirituality

Hari Aum.

I'd like to discuss superstitions and black magic today and how these differ from spirituality. There are a number of people in India and around the world who mistake superstition for spirituality.

For instance there are people who go to an astrologer who tells them that there is a problem in the marital aspect of their chart. They are advised to do ridiculous things such as marry a tree or a pot before they actually get married to their life partner. This is superstition and complete nonsense. (The famous Bollywood actress, Aishwarya Rai married a tree before she married her husband-- it appears that even the rich and famous can become victims of foolish superstition.)

A vedic astrology chart is a map of one's personal karma for this lifetime. It shows the results of past positive and negative karma that we will experience. So, if there is negative karma related to marriage, the chart will certainly show this.

However, the solution for negative karma related to marriage or anything else is not to marry a tree or perform any other absurd practice- as this will not make the negative karma go away. The solution for negative karma is to do something positive to offset it. For example, charitable actions, good deeds, and chanting the names or mantras of God.

Japa is regarded as a powerful way to destroy negative karma according to the yogis. So, the tamasic, ignorant and lazy option is to marry a tree or perform some other foolish act (which will not solve the problem anyway). The sattvic and sensible approach to a karmic problem is to recite a name or mantra of God daily, actively do good deeds and try to be a good person.

There is also the issue of black magic which seems to worry many people. There are numerous people and websites all over the world claiming to help people overcome the effects of this. What is black magic? According to my Guru, Sivananda, there are some negative mantras which can control negative energies in the universe and make them perform acts to harm others. There are also various other negative rituals and practices intended to harm others or control them in some way. This is known as black magic.

My Guru said that only very foolish people practice black magic. He strongly advised people to completely stay away from this, saying that those who do this will themselves be destroyed in the end in accordance with the law of karma.
Black magic is a waste of one's precious lifetime (which is meant to be spent on noble acts and attain God) and creates significant negative karma for which one will have to pay a heavy price later. There is no such thing as a free lunch in the universe. If we harm someone, it will come back to us-- with interest.

Those who feel, rightly or wrongly, that they are victims of black magic are often filled with fear and worry. They are tricked by various quack astrologers and priests into doing meaningless expensive religious rituals to ward off the effects of the black magic. This is quite sad to see.

There is also this concept called 'nazar' or 'evil eye' in India and around the world. In North India, some people believe that their health issues or other bad luck is due to the 'evil eye' of somebody else. In most cases, this is complete nonsense and simply a way to blame others for one's problems and avoid taking responsibility for these oneself.

Let us be clear on this. If something bad happens to us, including black magic or 'evil eye' or whatever, then we alone are ultimately responsible. Because it is happening to us as a result of our own past negative karma. Even if others want to harm us, they cannot do so unless we have created the negative karma for this in the first place. (People who harm us are merely instruments of the universe in giving us the results of our own negative karma).

Once we accept this, we can then do something about it. As I said above, if we have negative karma (which we all do along with positive karma), then we ourselves need to take steps to counter it. We cannot be lazy and leave it to someone else. We will need to do a regular daily spiritual practice for our own upliftment and welfare. It is fine to visit a place of worship such as a temple and ask a priest to perform a havan (sacred fire ritual) or puja on one's behalf if one wishes. But this is not absolutely necessary. One's own spiritual sadhana such as japa will be adequate. If one does go to a priest, one should beware of very expensive religious rituals as these are likely to be fake. Genuine spirituality is not expensive! It is readily available to all to maximise wellbeing and reduce suffering.

Certainly there are negative energies, both seen and unseen, in the universe. The one definite way to counter these is the name of God. And actively trying to be a good person. There is no use in being jealous, angry and proud and then expecting good results from prayers. We all have negative qualities but we need to recognise this and ask God to remove them from us. We also need to actively try and cultivate positive qualities.

When we think mean and low thoughts, we create bad karma for ourselves and reduce the impact of our prayers and mantras. When we think noble and good thoughts, wishing well for others, recognising God in others, we hugely magnify the effects of our mantra practice and other sadhana. This is true spirituality. This will lead us to realising our true nature as being one with God.

So, let us let go of all fear and take the name of God daily. Let us not worry about black magic, 'evil eye' and negative forces-- the name of God will take care of this. We need to remember Him, and He will take care of us. This is His promise (mentioned in sacred books such as the Gita).

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Note- some powerful mantras to ward off negative karma and black magic are those related to Narayana, Shiva and Durga. Examples are:

Om Namo Narayanaya, Om Namah Shivaya, Om Shri Durgayai Namah

The MahaMrityunjaya mantra of Lord Shiva is also a potent protector and particularly useful to solve health problems.

Those who feel that they are victims of black magic or bad luck should recite one of the above mantras for at least 10 minutes twice daily (morning and evening) and try to think positively.

If one feels one has a big problem with bad luck, one can consider doing a more intensive mantra practice to obtain the grace and protection of God. One can do an anushthana (125,000 mantra recitations) or purascharana (as many 100,000 recitations as there are syllables in the mantra).

The great value of human life

Hari Aum.

In the Srimad Bhagavatam, Krishna tells Uddhava of the great value of human life. He says that the citizens of svarga (heaven) and naraka (hell) alike long to obtain a human body. Because this human body alone is the instrument to attain that infinite peace, wisdom and bliss (liberation). No other body, be it that of an demi-god, demon, bird, animal or other can be used attain this ultimate experience.

Krishna says that this human birth is extremely rare and very difficult to get. In fact, He says that one only gets it through His grace. He says that it should be utilised to attain the spiritual goal of liberation before death takes it away. Note the difference here between what He says and some other philosophies both in India and outside. Many spiritual traditions talk about attaining something after death, after one leaves the body. Krishna here emphatically states that the spiritual goal is to be attained while still in the body. This is what the yogis call 'jivan-mukta' (free while alive in the body, i.e. a liberated being).

This is what Sivananda and other yogis advise. They do not say that one should hope to get something after the demise of the body. No. The experience of the Supreme is to be had here and now. The Supreme is very close to us, closer than the breath in our nostrils, closer than the beat of our hearts. Extremely close. And the yogis say, He is here and now. They advise us to feel His presence here and now. This can be done in various ways but one of the most powerful is through recitation of His holy names. Because His name and He are one. His name cleanses our minds and enables us to intuit His presence within and without us.

Krishna further tells Uddhava that one should carefully note the passage of time. As every day ends, one portion of our life has gone, never to return. He says that we should utilise our time wisely to attain what is important in life--namely, the highest peace and bliss.

He declares that one who gets a human birth, the protecting care of a true Guru and His grace and yet does not strive for liberation truly commits spiritual suicide. To use a worldly example, one who runs after petty material things after receiving these three great spiritual gifts is like a person who, having got the winning ticket for the lottery jackpot, goes begging on the street (while completing ignoring the ticket). Such a person, the scriptures call a 'mudha', a fool.

Let us not be fools. Maya deludes us at every step. We are all kept running about doing various daily tasks like hamsters running in a wheel. In the midst of all this worldly activity, let us keep up the remembrance of God and recitation of His/Her holy names. Let us also ensure we keep time aside, be it ever so short, to sit down and recite these holy names every day. This is the foundation for peace and success in our lives, it is extremely important and so let us do it daily.

Let us ensure that we take a step forward towards the goal every day. Today is 'akshaya tritiya', a highly auspicious day according to vedic astrology. It is a day that grants success in any undertaking. I have decided to follow a one-month pledge from today that I call the 'three monkey pledge'. This is based on the three monkeys who see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

For one month therefore, I will make an extra effort to avoid seeing/hearing/speaking evil, meaning no negativity in life as far as possible. It is my plan to avoid reading the news where possible and also to completely avoid getting drawn into any debates with people on religion or politics. Everyone on this  planet is entitled to have their own view on religion/politics etc and there is absolutely no point in trying to argue with anybody. Live and let live as the saying goes.

During this one month, I will also make an extra effort to do japa in a disciplined way, do kirtan daily along with some asana and pranayama. I will also keep mauna (vow of silence) regularly and make an extra effort to have a healthy lifestyle (go to bed early, wake early, exercise daily). I am hopeful that this one month spiritual exercise (from May 7 to June 6 inclusive) will help deepen my spiritual practice and give me more peace and bliss. This will also be a time of more dedication to japa and kirtan for world peace along with inner peace.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Finding peace in unpeaceful times

Hari Aum.

We live in relatively troubled times. There is a lot of violence everywhere. Particularly in the name of religion which is unfortunate as religion and violence are as different as light and darkness.

The world has become a small place. News of violence in one part of the world spreads rapidly around the world. People become angry and feel helpless in the face of the seemingly never-ending violence.

The risk is the divisions in society that violence creates. Communities turn against each other. This creates even more violence and discord. It is a downward spiral.

How shall we avoid this downward spiral? What should our response be when violence occurs? It is normal, natural to feel upset and angry at the senseless violence that is taking place all over the world. We would not be human if we did not feel the pain of others who suffer. But we must not allow this pain to turn into hatred. That is dangerous. That will make us the same as the perpetrators of violence. We do not want that.

Sivananda lived through the second world war. He did intense sadhana to realise God between 1924 and 1931. In 1936, he founded the Divine Life Society of Rishikesh, India to spread the message of peace and harmony, of spiritual bliss and immortality to all. This was at a time when the horrific violence of the second world war was going on. He started non-stop chanting of the Hare Rama mahamantra for world peace. Such was his faith in the holy name of God. That chanting has continued until today and goes on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, non-stop, even at night.

We live in a sea of thoughts as Sivananda and the yogis say. When violent events occur in the world, there is great agitation in many people's minds. People experience anger, fear, sadness, helplessness, hatred and a desire for revenge. These are all negative emotions. The yogis say the emotions of others can affect us even when we are far away. Because, according to them, we are constantly transmitting and receiving thoughts, unknowingly. We share our good and bad thoughts with others and receive these from others too. (For anyone interested, Sivananda has written an excellent book on this subject called 'Thought power').

We need to stay strong at times like these. We cannot give in to negative emotions. The most effective, useful action we can take, for ourselves and others who suffer on this planet, is to repeat the name of God for the peace of all. Any name that we like. We should commit to this daily, no matter what else is happening in our lives. There will never be a time when we are not busy with something or the other. We cannot wait to begin this important task of prayer for peace and protection of all.

Then we need to accept that whatever happens, ultimately happens in accordance with the will of God. This is a plane of duality. There will always be a battle between good and evil forces on this planet. This is the nature of this world. We may be gripped with shock and grief from time to time, but we need to have an element of detachment to be able to maintain our mental balance. We are of more use to other human beings if we can handle our emotions maturely and remain calm as far as possible.

So my message today is: let us commit to chanting a mantra of God daily for our own mental peace and strength, as well as the peace of all beings. For the relief of suffering of all beings. This is a very great duty that we have and would be a true service to all the genuine Gurus that have ever existed and a worship of God Him/Herself.

From my side, I will do my best to complete the fourth purascharana which is ongoing. I have a lot going on in my life currently; however, I feel the mantra chanting is an essential part of my daily life and will keep this up. Whenever I feel upset or agitated, I notice this calms me down and gives me strength to keep going. I will therefore continue my purascharana for my own spiritual development as well as for world peace.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

The pathless path

Hari Aum.

The spiritual path truly is a pathless path. One size does not fit all here. There are some basic ingredients to spiritual life-- practice of ethics, control of the senses, karma yoga, bhakti yoga, jnana yoga, raja yoga.

We each have to synthesise a unique path that works for us, that we can practice given our unique life circumstances. Like chefs creating a unique recipe, we have to examine the various ingredients of sadhana and combine them in a way that works for us. Another person's recipe may not suit our spiritual stomach as it were. We need to find the unique spiritual food recipe that suits our temperament.

Some may practice intense asana and pranayama and try to raise the kundalini. Others may read spiritual books and meditate on the abstract formless God. Still others may do group chanting of the names of God and engage in pujas and ritual worship. Some may throw themselves into selfless service of living beings as a worship of God. Others may give great gifts in charity and practice extraordinary vows of prolonged silence and fasting to control the turbulent senses.

When we read about the lives of spiritual greats of times gone by, they serve as an inspiration to us. But we need not precisely copy their spiritual recipe, just as they did not copy anyone else. Each spiritually successful person of the past found a unique spiritual path that worked for him or her.

What works for us is not something that we will find in books. This knowledge has to come from within us. We know ourselves like nobody else does. We know our minds like few others do. Based on our past experiences and knowledge of what we are capable of, we need to synthesise a unique formula of spiritual practice that we can actually practice. Because it is only actual practice that counts in spiritual life. Day-dreaming about sadhana that we will do later or wish we could do will get us nowhere.

'Be up and doing', my Guru Sivananda used to say. And that is what we need to do. Be up and doing. As Sivananda says, we are the makers of our destiny. Nobody can make or mar our destiny except ourselves. In this spiritual endeavour we have the Divine Him/Herself as our trusted partner. If we are sincere, we are bound to succeed. That is after all what we are born for.

In the Bhagavatam, there is a bit that says that Narayana was not satisfied in His heart after creating numerous birds, animals and other species. He then created the human being, who alone was capable of intuiting the spiritual truth of life, and then felt satisfied. This tells us of the value of human life and what we are capable of. In our own ordinary life, we can experience extraordinary inner change through sadhana. If Narayana was not satisfied until He created us, then we should also not be satisfied until we fulfil the purpose for which He created us....that purpose is the attainment of the spiritual goal of life.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

The doves: a story from the Srimad Bhagavatam

Hari Aum.

I would like to share an interesting story from the Srimad Bhagavatam. When Lord Krishna was preparing to withdraw His physical incarnation from Earth, His devotee, Uddhava, approached Him for spiritual teaching. They then had a detailed discussion on a variety of spiritual topics (similar to the Bhagavad Gita but more detailed in certain respects) and this is called the 'Uddhava Gita'.

As part of His teaching, Krishna told Uddhava the story of a discussion between a wandering ascetic, the enlightened avadhuta, and a great king known as Yadu. The avadhuta told King Yadu that he learned about spiritual life from 24 'gurus' (which included the five elements, sun, moon, and various animals, birds and people). One of the 'gurus' was a pair of doves.

The ascetic explained that, in the forest, there lived a pair of doves who were greatly fond of each other. They were always together while they ate, slept and flew about, and were completely absorbed in thoughts of each other. In time, they built a nest and had some beautiful baby birds whom they loved very much. One day, as usual, the parent birds flew away from the nest briefly to get some food for their children. While they were away, a hunter passed by and saw the nest. He placed a net over the nest and went away, planning to return later. In the meantime, the parents returned.

Upon seeing their baby birds caught in the hunters net, the parent doves were filled with shock and grief. The mother bird immediately rushed to her babies in the hope of rescuing them but only became entangled in the net herself. The father bird, seeing what had happened to his family, began to lament. He asked himself what use there was in living without his family. Feeling that life was hopeless, he decided to share the unhappy fate of his family and also flew into the net. Thus, both parent doves and their children became trapped in the hunter's net. A little while later, the hunter returned and was delighted to see his fine catch. He collected up the net with all the doves and went home feeling very satisfied.

The avadhuta told King Yadu that the story of the doves taught him that excessive attachment to worldly life led to suffering. He said that a soul who had got a human body was greatly fortunate as the doors of spiritual freedom were now open wide. If such a soul frittered away their precious lifetime in living a sensual life, like the doves, it would be like falling down from a very high position. Thus concludes the avadhuta's story of the doves as told by Lord Krishna to Uddhava.

I found this story quite interesting. It clearly is a metaphor for human life. The net is the net of samsara or Maya. The hunter is Lord Yama, the demi-god of death. All of us human beings, who have taken birth on Earth, are the doves caught in the net.

If we do nothing, we will ourselves be taken away by Lord Yama, and we will also have to watch as our beloved relatives are taken away one by one. Like the doves in the story, we too will have to experience pain, suffering and death. This is our default situation. However, this will happen only if we do nothing. We can however, do something-- that is the excellent part.

We human beings hopefully have more intelligence than the unlucky doves in the story. We have enough brains to realise we are in a net, the net of pain, disease and death-- the net of Yama, the net of Maya. We also are blessed enough to have the spiritual scissors to cut this net that binds us down-- that scissors is sadhana. We need to be smart enough to use this scissors, that is all.

The most powerful spiritual scissors, suitable for Kali Yuga, is the name or mantra of God. With this scissors of the mantra of God, we can steadily cut away the net that entangles us. This will allow us in time to spread our wings, fly away and experience freedom, peace and bliss. We can also use this scissors to pray for our relatives, friends and the entire world, so that all may become free of the net of Yama. Unlike the birds in the story, we can free ourselves and also inspire others to free themselves with the powerful spiritual scissors of mantra japa.

May we become free of the hunter's net in this very lifetime. May we use our spiritual scissors smartly to ensure this. May Lord Yama not get the better of us. May the grace of God and Guru be with us all and grant us supreme success in our spiritual endeavours.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Motivation

Hari Aum.

I was just reflecting that motivation to do spiritual practices is definitely due to the grace of God. We often say "I did sadhana" but the reality is that we would not be able to lift a finger to do any form of sadhana were it not for the grace of God. It is His/Her grace that gives us the motivation and will-power to do sadhana.

I feel this rather strongly having lost my motivation for sadhana a few months ago and having regained it again recently. I am back to my usual japa and manasik puja practice and also including some kirtan and svadhayaya (spiritual study) as able. As I'm in the second trimester of pregnancy at a stage where the baby is supposed to be able to hear, I'm hoping she's enjoying the japa and kirtan. I really feel the best gift I can give her as a mother is a love for the name of God and I pray that she will be blessed with this throughout her life. (Obviously a parent also needs to provide all the practical, material necessities of life but these can only take one so far. Ultimately it is the name of God that bestows all auspiciousness in life, both spiritual and material.)

I am about halfway through my first draft of the fourth Krishna book. This bit of the Bhagavatam has some very motivating bits on sadhana in Kali yuga. Basically it says that Kali yuga is an excellent time to be born if one wants to attain the spiritual goal of life, i.e. eternal peace, bliss and wisdom. The reason of course is that very simple sadhana such as singing and loud chanting of the names of God alone is adequate to attain spiritual success. One need not stand on one leg and meditate for years on end as in previous yugas. All this also adds to one's motivation to continue sadhana.

I was having a chat with my sister recently and discussing that I felt that it was 'outrageous' to think of my attaining God in this lifetime as I felt too lowly and small to attain such a great goal no matter what sadhana I did. She asked what was so outrageous about it. After all, she said that when one demands various material things from God (such as winning the lottery, landing a lucrative job etc), He may or may not respond depending upon His will for us.

However, since the goal is spiritual, God Himself, why would He not respond to our request. Her view, like many of the yogis, was that if one wants this above all else, then why not? On reflection, I do feel that I want this above all else. I'm of course very grateful for all the material things God has given me (health, family, wealth etc) but I feel that God Himself is the basis, the support, of it all. Therefore, He is to be given first place in one's life. It's interesting that it can be relatively easy to tell others that they can surely attain spiritual success through sadhana, but it can sometimes be hard to really believe that one can achieve this oneself (probably because one knows one's mind with all its flaws better than one knows that of others!).

This is why the grace of God is important. No matter how many flaws the mind has, the Bhagavatam and the yogis assure us that they can be destroyed by the chanting of the name of God. The name cuts through sins like a knife cuts through butter. I'm glad I have this conviction that keeps me going on the spiritual path.

Om Sri Gurave Namah
Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya
Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Tukaram: saint of the 17th century

Hari Aum.

I recently watched an interesting movie on Tukaram (on Netflix). It was made in 2012 and is simply called "Tukaram". It is a good movie and I would recommend watching it.

Tukaram was born in Maharashtra, India in the 17th century and was a great devotee of Krishna whom he called "Vittala". He was a householder (married twice and had three children) and composed some great devotional poems. During his lifetime, he had to undergo many sufferings including famine, poverty and the death of many dear relatives. Despite all these trials, he remained firm in his devotion and attained God. It is said that he went bodily to Vaikuntha, the realm of Vishnu, at the end of his lifetime. During his life, he challenged the system of caste discrimination and also provided guidance to King Shivaji.

My Guru, Sivananda, wrote about him- the link to his article is below:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=1643

I am sharing one of Tukaram's poems below, an inspiring one for all japa yogis:

Tukaram: on the Name of God.

"He who utters the Name of God while walking,
gets the merit of a sacrifice at every step.
His body becomes a place of pilgrimage.

He who repeats God’s Name while working,
always finds perfect peace.

He who utters the Name of God while eating
gets the merit of a fast,
even though he has taken his meals.

Even if one were to give in charity
the whole world encircled by the seas,
it would not equal the merit of repeating the Name.

By the power of the Name,
one will know what cannot be known,
one will see what cannot be seen,
one will speak what cannot be spoken,
one will meet what cannot be met.

Tuka says,
Incalculable is the gain that comes
From repeating the Name of God."

The above poem and others by Tukaram can be found here:

https://allpoetry.com/Sant-Tukaram

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Role models and regularity in spiritual life

Hari Aum.

An inspiring role model can be very useful to stay motivated on the spiritual path. Reading about the lives of saints and their attainment of God gives encouragement to those of us who are walking the spiritual path to keep going.

I have found great inspiration in reading about the life of my Guru, Swami Sivananda, and his disciples such as Swami Chidananda and others. The lives of other saints such as Anandamayi Ma, Ammachi, Ramakrishna and Vivekananda are also a very useful aid in motivating oneself to keep walking the path.

The only risk sometimes is that one can sometimes ignore the message of these great spiritual teachers that we are all divine, and instead put them on a pedestal that is impossible for us to reach. There is no doubt that these are great spiritual teachers who are worthy of reverence and worship. At the same time, we have to remind ourselves that their message to us is that we ourselves are children of the divine, made of the same stuff as them. We are not separate from them, our ultimate destiny is the same as theirs--i.e. to experience the God within us.

Let us remember that these spiritual greats also went through the same trials and tribulations that we go through. They had to deal with difficult external environments and equally challenging internal/mental states. Their minds too revolted at times, they too struggled as we do at times. The spiritual path was not a bed of roses for them just as it is not for most of us.

There comes a stage in spiritual life when we have been walking the path for a while and we just need to keep walking. There is no stopping here. Stopping leads to stagnation and we lose what we have gained. The weary mind has to be gently coaxed to keep up the practice at any cost.

The mind also has a tendency to beat itself up. It may veer between despair that we are not doing enough and a rebellion that it is all too much. The golden middle way has to be found and stuck to.

Sivananda says that regularity is of paramount importance in spiritual life. If one has to choose between doing an enormous amount of sadhana daily for a few months, and doing a smaller amount daily for a few years, the latter is preferable. There is no point in doing a lot for a short time and then burning out.

When it comes to deciding how many malas of japa to do per day therefore, it is better to choose a reasonable amount that one can sustain for several years, rather that a large amount that can only be sustained for a few weeks or months. There is a play-off between quantity and continuity when it comes to japa. The greater the quantity of japa per day, the harder it will be for the mind to do the practice daily for years. A smaller quantity will be easier to continue for years and is more likely to produce better results. Daily contact with the name of God is required for purification of the mind.

When I look back at the last seven and a half years of spiritual practice, I feel there has been some progress. There are times when I feel frustrated that the progress has not been more but then I tell myself to be patient and keep at it. There are no quick fixes on this path. The truth is I do not feel that I really could have done more than I have done- I feel I have given whatever I could to spiritual life in the past seven years so there is no use being frustrated with myself for not doing more. Moreover, I feel I have seen some results. There is some positive change in the character, mindset, and a greater desire for God. Furthermore there have been some dreams that were prophetic in nature and others that were encouraging. I haven't found any scientific explanation for a prophetic dream so have to assume it is something to do with the mantra practice. I see these as hints from the universe that something is changing internally even if it does not always feel obvious and that I should just keep going. And that's what I'm doing.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Religious holy books and violence

Hari Aum.

When I was at university about 15 years ago, I was interested in reading the holy books of various religions. I had friends from various faiths, including Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and used to discuss and exchange ideas about religion with them.

In India, we are fond of saying that 'all religions are the same'. Yes, all religions are the same- in a way. In the sense that they all preach being good. And being good leads one to God in one way or another. The externalities may be different but the message is the same- 'be good and do good'.

The sad reality of the world today however, is that although all religions have the same essential core message, of 'be good and do good', they are not all being practised in the same way.

There are violent members of all religions today. Religion and violence are inherently incompatible. There can be no real religion where there is violence. Yet different religions have been hijacked by violent elements within them to different extents.

This violence extends across the full spectrum- from a sense of intellectual superiority over others to full-blown killing of those who have different beliefs. There are also those who feel the need to 'save' others by converting them- by money, force or other means. There are others who feel that people of a different religion are all doomed to hell anyway and dehumanise them.

There is an increasing divide between 'modern' and 'orthodox' ways of living, particularly with regard to religion. Some religions appear to be 'evolving' and adapting to modern life in the present century, while others seem to be stuck in the past.

Religions also involve varying degrees of control and freedom. There are some religions where a high level of freedom is given to think as one likes, to analyse and live in a way that makes sense to one- within an ethical framework of course.

There are other religions which give one very little space to think or have any opinion of one's own. These religions also involve a high level of moral policing in society- where other people in society control what one wears, what one can eat or drink, who one marries and so on. Frighteningly, there are people of some religions who believe that it is appropriate to kill members of their community who say they wish to leave that religion.

The lives of women in particular are greatly affected by the religion that they are born into. Those women born into orthodox traditional families where religion is effectively 'forced' upon them have little freedom to think, to dress how they want, to work, to live as they like. There are entire countries in this world where women are not allowed to work, to drive, to think or live freely because of the religion that is practised there. It is quite extraordinary.

It is important to recognise that one can interpret religious texts in any way that one likes. The same book can be read and interpreted peacefully or with violence. One example of this is the holy Quran. There are certain groups who read the holy Quran and live very peacefully on Earth with others- an example are the Sufis. There are other groups who read the same holy Quran and interpret this with cruelty and perpetrate great violence upon others- we hear about them in the news all the time these days.

Recently I had an online satsang with a Swami at the Sivananda Ashram in Rishikesh. We were discussing various religious books and I happened to ask him if he had ever read the holy Quran. He said that he had not. I was surprised to hear this and suggested that he may wish to read this sometime. I feel it is very useful to read the holy books of various religions to have broad knowledge of philosophy and also to understand people from other religious backgrounds.

I am sharing below links to the holy books of some of the main religions in the world today. I strongly recommend reading at least a few chapters of these books even if one does not belong to these religions to have some idea of the philosophy that is being taught.

The holy Quran of Islam:

https://quran.com/1

The holy Dhammapada of Buddhism:

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.intro.budd.html

The holy Bhagavad Gita of Sanathana Dharma (Hinduism):

http://www.dlshq.org/download/bgita.htm

The holy Bible of Christianity:

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bible?lang=eng

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Prayer for peace and protection

Hari Aum.

India and many other countries face the menace of terrorism in the world today. There are people who wake up every day with the sole aim of harassing, troubling and destroying other innocent people on this planet. Many of them believe they will get a spiritual reward for committing such atrocities upon other human beings. It is incredible that people can be so deluded as to think that God rewards cruelty and violence.

Ahimsa paramo dharma say the yogis. Non-violence is the highest virtue. However, when the world is facing violence from criminals and terrorists, it is proper and correct to take action against this. It would be violence to sit quiet and allow terrorists to perpetrate violence everywhere.

Let us pray for peace and protection of all those brave people in all countries in the world who protect innocent citizens from violent criminals and terrorists. These include the police, armed forces and secret services of all decent countries who risk their lives daily to protect others. Many of them sacrifice their lives in the fight against criminals.

May God bless the armed forces of all decent countries. Let us pray daily for the strengthening of good, noble forces on this planet and a weakening of negative, destructive energies. A special prayer for the Indian armed forces who are currently facing a heightened threat from terrorists from a neighbouring country. May God bless, guide and protect them to walk the path of dharma (goodness). May goodness prevail on Earth.

Om Namo Narayanaya

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Sivananda's song of 'a little' sadhana

Hari Aum.

One of my favourite poems by Sivananda is his song of sadhana, the sadhana of the 'yoga of synthesis' which he says develops the head, heart and hand of the human being (all-round development). I'm sharing this poem here with a link to the article on the yoga of synthesis.

Eat a little, drink a little
Talk a little, sleep a little
Mix a little, move a little
Serve a little, rest a little
Work a little, relax a little
Study a little, worship a little
Do Asana a little, Pranayama a little
Reflect a little, meditate a little
Do Japa a little, do Kirtan a little
Write Mantra a little, have Satsang a little
Serve, Love, Give, Purify, Meditate, Realize
Be good, Do good; Be kind, Be compassionate
Enquire 'Who am I ?', Know the Self and be Free

Link to article on the 'yoga of synthesis':

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=637

This yoga of synthesis, described in the poem above, is a nice balanced approach to spiritual life. Doing a lot of just one spiritual practice can make one feel rather unbalanced (e.g. only reading, or doing mantra, or karma yoga).  As the mind usually needs variety, this is an intelligent way to keep it engaged in yogic practices through a combination of the four main paths of yoga- jnana, karma, bhakti and raja yoga.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Spiritual revival and purascharana four update

Hari Aum.

On the spiritual path, one has to be ready to fall and get up many times. Like an ice-skater athlete, who learns to dance beautifully on ice only after many an undignified fall, a spiritual practitioner also learns to manage the mind and progress on the path of sadhana only through many an uncomfortable fall.

I had a spiritual dip recently as mentioned in the 'dark night' post in December two months ago. The joy of sadhana left me and only the sense of duty in doing it remained. This sense of duty is also important as it helps sustain the practice during tough times. But it's much better to do spiritual practices with joy.

Health has a major impact on ability to sadhana (this is probably the reason why the yogis say one should never leave sadhana for old age when the body is more likely to have health issues, and the reason they emphasise asana and pranayama for good health). When the body experiences suffering, it is difficult for spiritual seekers to concentrate the mind. The health issues that I faced in the past two months did not help my sadhana at all. Thankfully these are now passing and I feel my spiritual enthusiasm returning once more. The nausea/vomiting of pregnancy has thankfully finally left me. Just being able to eat a meal normally has given me energy. I also feel mentally happier and more positive now that I feel physically better. 

My interest in sadhana is again rising. I am doing the daily japa with more enthusiasm and feel a sense of peace and relaxation during this. I am committed to completing this fourth purascharana in whatever way possible and hope that God and Guru support me in this.

In terms of visualisation during japa, I initially do a brief manasik puja of the form of Narayana but then seek His blessings and visualise His form as pure light (a disc of light in the space between the eyebrows). I find this peaceful and pleasant to visualise during japa these days.

I'm more than halfway through the current fourth purascharana. The original plan (before pregnancy) was to complete this in early October this year (at the rate of 11 malas per day). Now that the pregnancy has happened, I'm just going with the flow and taking it one step at a time. I'm doing as much japa per day as health allows (something between 10-15 malas per day currently).

I have been quite busy with work-related stuff in recent weeks but am also planning to start and finish book 4 of the Krishna series before July if possible. Man proposes and God disposes. No idea if this will happen but I will try anyway, that's all I can say really.

I pray for the blessings of God and Guru to help me complete purascharana 4 and book 4 in a timely manner.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Learning Sanskrit

Hari Aum.

Sanskrit is one of the oldest languages on Earth. The yoga scriptures describe it as a divine language, 'the language of God (and the demi-gods)'. All mantras of yoga philosophy are in Sanskrit.

Sanskrit is regarded as a very precise language. The vowels and consonants are arranged in a logical manner and the rules of pronunciation are very clear (unlike say, English where two words appear similar but the pronunciation is completely different e.g. the 'u' sound in 'put' versus 'cut').

I made an attempt to study Sanskrit in school many years ago in India but gave up as the teacher was a very scary lady (who had an unpleasant habit of slapping children on the face- glad this is increasingly going out of fashion in Indian schools). Then, about four years ago, I signed up to the online Sanskrit course by the Chinmaya Mission and found this useful up to a point- it gave me an overview of Sanskrit but there was so much information and little application that I found I did not really retain very much.

In recent weeks, I discovered a ten week 'beginners Sanskrit' course being run by a local organisation that promotes Indian arts and culture. I signed up to it and have really enjoyed it so far. The teacher has an excellent style of teaching- he gets us to speak Sanskrit rather than simply bombarding us with a lot of information. In this way, in five weeks, he has managed to introduce us to a surprisingly large number of nouns, verbs and concepts and enabled us to make simple sentences. I feel that by the end of the course, I will have a reasonably good foundation on which to build my further studies of Sanskrit.

The purpose of learning Sanskrit for me, like for many others, is of course to be able to appreciate the ancient literature of yoga in the original e.g. the Gita, the Upanishads and so on. I can currently read these in the original but with some effort (the script of Sanskrit, known as 'Devanagari' is very similar to some spoken Indian languages such as Hindi).

I would highly recommend learning basic Sanskrit to anyone interested in yoga philosophy. There is something special about reading a book in the original. When one translates a book or a poem, the meaning may be preserved to an extent but the feeling behind the words is often lost (Imagine reading a Hindi translation of Shakespeare- it's just not the same. Or for that matter, an English translation of Mirabai's poems). It is worth trying to read the yoga scriptures in the original, at least to some extent.

There are lots of online resources to learn Sanskrit (including some excellent YouTube videos) for anyone who cannot attend a class locally. It is worth attending a class if possible I feel, as this is more fun, interactive and one tends to learn faster with the support of a teacher.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Bird-feeding as a spiritual practice

Hari Aum.

One might ask why write a post on bird-feeding on a blog on spiritual matters. Well, that's because I think bird-feeding is actually quite an important spiritual activity! You might think this sounds trivial and silly but let me explain.

A few winters ago when it was snowing a fair bit, I set up a hanging bird-feeder, a bird table and a small water bowl/bird bath in my garden. I placed these in such as way that I could get a nice view from the sofa in my living room that looks out into the garden as I enjoy bird-watching (a habit I learned from my father while growing up in India). Now I have a fairly steady stream of daily bird visitors including robins, sparrows, magpies, pigeons and a few other species. Occasionally a squirrel pays a visit to the bird table and rarely a field mouse appears and takes a bit of food.

I've observed that these birds are highly intelligent creatures. They've worked out that my husband and I are a source of food and when the bird feeder/table runs out of food, they know how to communicate to us that they want more.

For example, this morning I was sitting on the sofa having breakfast when I suddenly caught sight of a robin staring at me from the bush under the bird feeder which was empty (the food ran out a couple of days ago). It looked at me intently and then looked pointedly at the feeder. It repeated this cycle a few times and then flew off. This is not the first time I've noticed this behaviour in the robins- it's a message that they want some food!

Similarly, when the pigeons want to communicate their desire for a top-up of food in the feeder, they appear in the garden and throw what can only be called a tantrum! They flap their wings, strut up and down the garden, stare at my husband and me while we are in the living room and generally draw attention to their presence in the garden! I sometimes give in to this behaviour but if I've only recently given them food (which they've speedily eaten!), then I ignore the tantrum thinking that they can fend for themselves for a couple of days until I top up the feeder again!

Anyway, the robin succeeded in making me feel guilty this morning (you know how it feels when you're eating and someone hungry is staring at you- quite uncomfortable!). I therefore topped up the feeder and bird table with some bird food, and the robin then returned and played a game in the garden hopping between the bushes and plants while looking at me- it seemed to be expressing its thanks! This is also not unusual for robins. One time, a robin actually sat next to the patio door and stared directly into the living room at me after I'd put some food on the bird table. They seem to be able to feel gratitude and try to express this in their own way.

One of the five great sacrifices known as the 'pancha maha-yagyas' according to the yogis is the feeding of other species, be they birds, animals or insects (Sivananda used to feed sugar to ants). I feel this is an important part of recognising the divine in other species. It makes one feel connected with other species and with nature in a nice way. Being kind to birds and animals is an essential part of spiritual life in my view.

The same God that resides in us resides in birds and animals. Feeding of these species is therefore a way of worshipping the God within these beings. It would be good if we could feed birds and animals with the same devotion that we offer milk and sweets to stone idols in temples. Of course stone idols also contain God (as God is everywhere). But God is more manifest in living beings than in idols so it is good to include bird/animal-feeding as a form of worship.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Spiritual stamina

Hari Aum.

When we first embark upon our spiritual journey, it is all very new and exciting. We have lots to discover about the spiritual path, about ourselves, what sadhanas (spiritual practices) to do and so on. Typically, we read, travel and meet people to learn more about spirituality. We reflect upon what we've read and heard and come up with our own understanding of the spiritual path and what we need to do. And then, usually, most of us take up some sadhana (spiritual practice). Initially, there is the challenge of getting into a routine, of self-discipline, of doing the practice every day. But we remind ourselves of the spiritual benefits and carry on. It's still new, fresh and interesting. This helps stay motivated.

After some years of regular practice, we've got into the daily routine of doing sadhana, and there comes the next challenge. The challenge of sustaining the practice. The sadhana is not completely new to us now. It is more familiar. We have a better understanding of our strengths and weaknesses now. We know what we need to do. We just need to do it. The difficulty sometimes can be to stay motivated. Spiritual life is a continuous battle with one's lower mind. It involves persistence and great effort and it takes time to see results. Results do occur but we often expect more than what we get and expect things to occur faster than they really do. This can be frustrating. However, patience and perseverance are essential qualities in spiritual life according to the yogis. They tell us to be prepared to work hard for a long time. Good things come to those who wait they say. We accept what they tell us but it's still not easy. 

The dictionary definition of 'stamina' is 'the physical or mental strength to do something that might be difficult and will take a long time'. Stamina involves strength. It is needed to continue on the spiritual path. Stamina requires good health. It is difficult to focus on spiritual matters when the body is weak, in pain or otherwise unhealthy. Stamina also requires faith, trust in oneself, in the Guru and in God. It involves trust that things will happen at the right time. God does things at the right time. He/She is an artist that creates a unique spiritual path for each one of us. No two yogis attained God in exactly the same way. We too have our unique path laid out for us. We just have to be willing to walk it.

As mentioned in the last couple of posts, I've had a bit of a spiritual crisis recently. May be it's just the pregnancy hormones, may be it's the effect of my karma as outlined in my astrological chart (going through the so-called 'Sade Sati' - difficult phase of Saturn's influence), or may be it's something else. I feel like I've been through a tough phase physically (health has been terrible due to the pregnancy hormones- now much better), mentally (feeling gloomy and depressed) and spiritually (feeling apathetic and uninspired).

After two months of these unpleasant experiences, I feel slightly better. Health is improving, strength is building and spiritual motivation is also returning.

I am continuing with the mantra practice. The current aim, based on my present health situation, is 7 malas a day. In between I try and remember God as often as possible. I'm trying to accept God's will for me. I try to accept that I must simply do the sadhana without any expectations- but yet with the knowledge that the results will inevitably come in good time, at the right time.

I'm trying to cultivate and maintain my spiritual stamina. After seven years of daily japa, I'm trying to rediscover the joy of my practice by just letting go and being patient. 

Anyway. Onwards and upwards we go. As one of the Swamis from the Sivananda Ashram in Rishikesh said during my Skype satsang today, 'Human birth alone is suitable to strive for self-realisation'. It is a golden, precious opportunity not to be missed.

May God give those of us who have been walking the spiritual path for a while the spiritual stamina to continue until we attain Him/Her. May we be granted the ability to find new-ness, freshness and joy in our sadhana at every step until we attain the spiritual goal of life.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

How to find the ishta devata in vedic astrology

Hari Aum.

I have had a fair number of people contact me via my free vedic astrology site asking who their ishta devata (favourite form of God that leads one to liberation) is based on their chart.

For those who have some knowledge about vedic astrology, I am writing a post on this topic today for their interest. There are many good articles on this already online but I'm providing a brief summary here for the benefit of readers of this blog.

How to find the ishta devata in the vedic astrology chart:

1. Find the Atma Karaka (AK), i.e. the planet with the highest degrees in the chart.

This planet represents one's soul. (Some say that having a malefic planet as AK, rather than a benefic, suggests greater spiritual development in the past and potentially more suffering in this lifetime during the dasha of the AK- as a malefic planet teaches one tough lessons quickly. On the other hand, dasha period of benefic AK planets will also give spiritual lessons but possibly more gently).

2. Find the position of the AK in the vimsamsa (D 20) chart of spirituality.

This house is called 'karakamsa'. Some people say the navamsa (D 9) chart should be used here. PVR Narasimha Rao (author of the Jagannatha Hora software and a researcher in vedic astrology) says that in his view, the vimsamsa should be used as this is the chart of spirituality (not the navamsa). I have experimented with both navamsa and vimsamsa in this regard, and found his approach to be more accurate. Therefore I too use the vimsamsa here.

3. Now look at the 12th house from the karakamsa to find the planet that represents the ishta devata.

This house reveals the ishta devata. If there is a  planet in the house, that planet represents the ishta. If there is more than one planet, take the strongest. If there is no planet, look at the planets aspecting the house, and take the planet with the strongest aspect. If there is no planet aspecting the house, take the lord of the house as representing the ishta.

If the AK is Rahu/Ketu (which always move in a retrograde manner) count the 12th house from karakamsa anti-zodiacally to find the house of the ishta devata. i.e. if AK Rahu is in Sagittarius, then counting 12 houses in reverse order of the zodiac (reflecting the movement of Rahu/Ketu), one will get Capricorn as the house from which to see the ishta.

4. Find the higher deity (form of God) indicated by the planet representing the ishta devata.

Once you have the planet, you have the representative of the ishta devata. There are various views on the deities that different planets represent. I am sharing some information on this below:

Sun- Shiva, Rama
Moon- Parvati, Divine Mother
Mars- Subramanya, Narasimha, Hanuman
Venus- Lakshmi, Divine Mother
Mercury- Vishnu
Jupiter- Guru, Samba Shiva
Saturn- Narayana
Rahu- Durga
Ketu- Ganesha


Once the ishta devata is found, one needs to do some regular sadhana related to that deity. This may be daily japa, puja, homam, karma yoga or some other sadhana. This helps one to obtain the grace of the ishta devata which leads to spiritual liberation.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

P.S.

June 28, 2024

PLEASE NOTE:

Dear Readers,

The comments section on this post is already very long and it is not easy for me to keep track of your queries on ishta devata here. Therefore, I will not be publishing any further astrology ishta devata/other personal reading queries on this page from now onwards.

However, if you would like to share your thoughts related to spirituality/astrology in general, you are very welcome to do so here.

If you wish to send me a query regarding your ishta devata, please do so via the contact page on my free Vedic astrology site (see details on this blog; currently, it can take me 1-2 months to reply due to work and other commitments).

Thank you for your understanding.

Om shanti

Vishnupriya

Dark night of the soul

Hari Aum.

Today I'd like to write something about a not-too-happy but important subject in spiritual life. The so-called 'dark night of the soul'.

The masters of all spiritual traditions say that this time comes in the life of every spiritual seeker. This 'dark night'. What is the 'dark night of the soul'?

This phrase is said to have been originally described in a poem by a Christian mystic of the 14th century known as St John of the Cross. You can read an English translation of his poem here:

http://www.poetseers.org/spiritual-and-devotional-poets/christian/the-works-of-st-john-of-the-cross/dark-night-of-the-soul/index.html

Swami Chidananda (disciple of Sivananda) describes this stage in the following words:

"John Bunyan has written a book called "Pilgrim’s Progress", where he traces the seeker’s path until he attains God. Along the way, there is a stage where the seeker falls into the quagmire of despondency. At another place, he is caught by despair. So he goes through despondency, despair, doubt and confusion. He feels he won’t attain it at all. He thinks his life has been a waste. St. John of the Cross has also talked about this stage."

http://www.dlshq.org/messages/self-realisation.htm

Paul Brunton, a British mystic and disciple of Ramana Maharishi of recent times has written an excellent and detailed article on this subject:

https://paulbrunton.org/notebooks/23/3

He says: "The dread phenomenon of the dark night of the soul makes its appearance in a mystic's life only a few times at most, sometimes only once. The devotions lose their fervour, the emotions become cold, and worship seems a futile exercise. There is no longer any pleasure to be got from the inner life, and experiences of mystical satisfaction are either rare or absent altogether. Meditation becomes dry, barren, and ineffective; often the very taste for it departs. Aspiration seems dead. Where there was once spiritual light in the mind and spiritual heat in the heart, there is now only darkness and ashes. A torpor of sheer fatalism settles over the will. Life becomes marked by emptiness, aimlessness, lack of inspiration, and drifts with the tide of events."

"He who suffers the dark night finds himself poised unhappily between the two worlds--the lower not wanted, the higher not wanting him."

Basically, the dark night of the soul has one or more of the following features:

-A sense of despair that one will never attain God
-Self-doubt
-Sadness
-Lack of interest in spiritual practices. The love for meditation and other sadhana evaporates.
-Emotional fatigue, listlessness
-A sort of spiritual depression.
-A sense of being abandoned by God and Guru.
-A sense of terrible loneliness and suffering that one feels nothing and nobody (except God) can heal
-A lack of enjoyment in all worldly things
-A yearning for God but a feeling that there is a still long way way yet to go
-A feeling of spiritual unworthiness

These and other unhappy feelings are some of the features of the dark night of the soul. It is a stage where one is in no-man's land. One cannot find real joy in any worldly thing. One has rejected the world. But one has not yet been accepted by God in His embrace. One feels miserable and unfulfilled, like something very important is missing.

This wretched state can last for days, months or even years according to the mystics. They say it is necessary to break the ego. In this miserable condition, one is reminded that one cannot take a single step forward on the spiritual path without the grace of God. One has to surrender to the will of God. With patience. This is the challenge.

One has to wait patiently for winter to end before spring comes. One cannot hurry winter away and make it get over faster. No. It takes its own time. One has to learn to survive the winter no matter how painful one finds it. It is the same with the spiritual winter- the dark night of the soul.

Paul Brunton mentions one dangerous feature of the 'dark night'. Sometimes the mind rebels in this stage and old negative/evil habits that had been conquered in the past re-surface and try to assert themselves. One has to remain very vigilant at this time to avoid a spiritual downfall.

I am writing about this topic today because I feel I am going through something like this. It's been building up gradually since August last year and reached a peak in early December. I have lost all love for bhajan, kirtan, meditation, japa or any spiritual practice. It's not that I don't desire the spiritual goal. That remains the most important thing in life, it gives meaning to everything else in my life.
The trouble is that I feel in the grip of all the sad, miserable, negative emotions that Paul Brunton and others have described. I have been hanging on to the daily japa by sheer determination and the grace of Guru/God. I do the japa daily like taking a bitter medication. Previously I used to enjoy doing it- it was a joyful process. Now it is a dreary process that I do because I know it is good for me.

It has taken every ounce of mental strength to continue the daily japa somehow in the past month. I went to a Krishna temple yesterday on new year's day. There, some people were singing the names of Krishna very soulfully and lovingly. I would normally have joined in but felt completely unable to do so. I've lost that loving feeling.

I just looked at the deity and mentally asked 'What's happening to me?', 'I used to be able to sing like that before, and it feels like You've taken it away from me. Why?' 'I accept that whatever spiritual fervour I've had until now, whatever spiritual practice I've done until now, has been Your grace only. I accept that. Don't let me fall off the path, please. Put me back, keep me there, or all is lost.' I felt the tears pricking my eyes and had to control myself not to start crying in public. It was awkward.

Anyway, the misery continues. I'm writing this for anyone else who's going through this miserable phase in spiritual life. It will come to us all according to the yogis and it will pass. But until then we have to hang in there somehow.

I'm hanging in there somehow. It really is not easy. But I can't walk away either. I know deep inside that this is the only path worth walking and that all other paths lead to dust.

I feel like the character Frodo in the book 'The lord of the rings'. You know that stage at the very end where when he enters the dark and dangerous land of Mordor. He has with him just a small light, the 'light of Elendil', to guide him. I feel like I'm spiritually in the dark land of Mordor. My light is my mantra which I'm hanging onto for dear life. It's not a nice experience. But I try and remind myself, "this too shall pass". And I still have faith (thank God) in my mantra and take it daily as my spiritual medicine.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

P.S. Ironically, this period from Dec 2018- July 2019  is supposed to be a good one for me spiritually based on my astrological chart. I don't know what lessons this phase is going to teach me (may be it will be spiritually useful) but right now, I feel like I'm struggling spiritually rather than flying.