The eight purascharana sankalpa

Hari Aum.

Last year in September I had a health issue which prompted some reflection on my sadhana. I developed a lump in the left breast. It is perfectly common for women to develop lumps in the breast before the onset of the period and these often resolve after the period is over. However as doctors we never assume that a lump is benign without doing some tests and so I too underwent some investigations.

I discovered the lump just before a one week holiday to attend the wedding of my husband's cousin. It was to have been a relaxing holiday. I had to wait until my return to see the specialist due to the waiting time in the healthcare system. I was calmer this time compared to my last health scare in 2014 but there was still the thought in my mind "What if?" "What if this turns out to be something nasty?" Like breast cancer- which although more common in the elderly, very much does occur in younger people in their 30s and 40s. Anyway I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to face whatever came about. As a doctor, I am well aware of the various unpleasant effects of cancer and the treatments - which did not really help when facing a possible diagnosis.

I remember thinking before my tests-  "Well I had many plans for things to do in my life. But if the Universe/God has decided my time is up, then may God give me the strength to bear it, and also give strength to my family who are very close to me and who would be quite upset if something nasty happened to me". It was also interesting to put myself in the shoes of my patients. I have seen many women as patients who come to me worried about breast lumps and I refer them onwards to a specialist. I try my best to reassure them while they wait for the checks- it was interesting to myself experience the effects of such a health issue. A health issue which raises the possibility of a different future that one had hoped for, which brings uncertainty and some stress into one's life. I am generally sympathetic to my patients - however this increased my ability to empathise with my patients in this situation and be even more compassionate, which definitely was a good learning experience.

I went for the holiday and actually had quite  a good time. Upon my return, I saw the breast surgeons for an ultrasound scan which fortunately showed that the lump was just normal glandular tissue. Thankfully it did not look nasty and I therefore needed no further testing!

I made a promise to God last September before the test. If this turns out to be nothing, I said, I promise to continue my purascharana sadhana until I have finished at least eight in total- one after the other as I am doing now. I promise to use my life well, to continue sadhana for spiritual progress. To ensure that I do not waste whatever precious life time I am given on this earth. This experience sharply reminded me that life is short, time is fleeting- things can change at any time. Never assume that one has many many years left. Everything can change in seconds.

My main worry about a diagnosis which could have cut my life short, was that I had not yet attained the spiritual goal. I felt I would die a spiritually ignorant person with my sadhana not yet finished. If I had attained Hari by then, I would not have bothered anymore whether or not the body remained as it would have fulfilled its purpose as my tool for attainment of God. I would already have attained everything there is to attain. I felt sorry at the idea of leaving before attaining the goal. I was also sorry to think of the suffering this would cause my relatives.

Anyway, it appears that God has given me some more time - and so I need to spend it well on sadhana. On ensuring, that when the expiry date of the body comes, I can leave laughing, like a master, with no worries or fears, with the experience of bliss, peace and knowledge. Not the way people usually die, the way I have seen people die in hospitals- often filled with pain and fear in a chaotic environment.

As I enter the last six months or so of the current third purascharana, I am writing this entry to remind myself of my pledge. I will do my very best to keep this up. In keeping this pledge, I seek the help of my divine mother Durga, Radha, Jagadamba who I feel is my sadhana shakti. Without Her, I feel no sadhana is possible for me. Whatever sadhana has been done, is being done and will be done, through this person that I call 'me', is by Her grace only. She who is one with Hari.

I will aim to complete five more purascharanas after this one therefore- this is as a minimum, health permitting. I hope to keep this up throughout my life, but for now, I am committing to eight in a row. Why eight? Well because there are eight letters in my mantra- so one purascharana per letter.

At the current rate of one purascharana every two years approximately (takes around 22 months, and I then have a roughly six week 'break' with reduced japa), I should be able to complete the eight purascharanas at the end of 2027, ten years from now. After that, I leave further plans for sadhana in the hands of Hari.

I feel this health issue possibly was given to me by God for three purposes: 1. To extract a promise from me to keep up the purascharana for quite some more time (especially in the midst of a busy life in the world). Having made this promise, I now have to keep it and may God help me in this. 2. To further increase my ability to empathise with my patients and be more compassionate/understanding Previously I was sympathetic  but now I much better understand the fear when one faces the possibility of a life-threatening diagnosis, having experienced this myself. and 3. To serve as a sharp reminder that life is short and can rapidly end at any time, even if one is relatively young/in one's 30s.

I hope and pray that with the grace of my Guru Sivananda, my mother Durga and my ishta devata Hari, this eight purascharana sankalpa will be successfully completed in a timely manner.

Hari Aum Tat Sat