Madalasa's upadesha (teaching): spiritual motherhood

Hari Aum.

Another year comes to an end and I am reflecting on what this year has taught me. After seven years of consistent mantra japa, I feel this path is leading me somewhere. Truth really is stranger than fiction. This year has been tough and full of challenges, particularly the first eight months, but I survived this by the grace of God which I felt at every step. 

I had to work in a hostile work-environment for months before I could change jobs (raised my voice against some unethical stuff that was happening which led to some tension). Then my family were asking me when I was going to have a child (there was some degree of pressure regarding this as my husband and I were trying to conceive for a while). I like the idea of being a parent as I feel it is a noble thing to give life to and raise another human being. Yet I do not believe it is the ultimate happiness in this world (raising a child gives one both joy and pain from what I have seen around me). I therefore said to God that I only want a child if it is His wish for me and not otherwise (this approach was not exactly appreciated by my family). 

There was a time in August when I was feeling particularly disillusioned and tired. I asked God 'Am I getting anywhere on the spiritual path, or am I merely making a fool out of myself?' 'Do You approve, are You satisfied, with my efforts or it is not good enough?' I was feeling exhausted after the various battles in life and the pressures from work and family in the previous months. 

Then I had some strange encouraging dreams. Perhaps these were just my imagination, but then at least one of them was prophetic (as I will explain). In August, I dreamt of the child form of Krishna - it was an auspicious dream of God after a long time and I woke up feeling happy. My Guru Sivananda says it is a sign of good things to come, of spiritual upliftment, to dream of God. This made me hopeful. 

Later on in the same month (the night after I published the third Krishna book), I dreamt that I met my Guru Sivananda in an ashram setting. I explained to him about the various pressures on me. I then had the desire to ask him for a blessing. In the dream, I felt I could ask him to bless me with a child, or I could ask him to bless me with attainment of God in this lifetime. I chose the second option - I asked him to bless me with the attainment of God in this very lifetime. And in the dream, he blessed me by placing his hands on my head saying that it would be so. I woke up that morning feeling extremely joyful and full of hope.

Obviously this was only a dream. And no Guru promises realisation without hard work by the disciple. I know there is no guarantee of my attaining God in this lifetime, but this dream (even it was just my imagination) gave me great hope. For the first time, I began to feel that this could really happen.

Then a few weeks ago, I had a dream where I was asking my husband if he could see a faint line on a pregnancy test (that would mean it was positive). Two days after the dream, in real life, I did an early pregnancy test and a faint positive line appeared. I asked my husband if he could also see it and he thought so. It was weird because the situation that developed in real life was exactly what I had experienced in the dream two days previously.
Anyway the following morning, the pregnancy test was a clear positive and I am now expecting to have a child next July if all goes well. As a doctor, I have no illusions that pregnancy is always smooth sailing or that everything always goes well. There is much uncertainty. However, I trust in God, and will accept whatever happens, whether 'good' or 'bad', as His will. 

I pray to God that the child may be spiritual and His devotee. I feel that becoming a parent will be helpful in my spiritual life - parents can be some of the most self-sacrificing people on this Earth so this will be good training for me.

I do pray to God that my spiritual practices continue unabated with intensity despite the arrival of a child. I would like to be the sort of mother that Sivananda talks about in his writings- he gives the example of the enlightened woman known as Madalasa. She was an enlightened sage and a queen of ancient times. (Obviously it is not easy to be a perfect mother and father, and so one need not put oneself under pressure to be perfect. It is probably enough if one just tries one's best and leaves the rest in the hands of God).

When Madalasa gave birth to a child, she sang the following famous words as a lullaby (known as 'Madalasa upadesha/teachings' described in the scripture called the Markandeya purana): 

"Shuddosi, Buddhosi, Niranjanosi!

 Samsara-maya parivarjitosi!

Samsara svapnam tyaja moha nidra!"

Meaning: You are pure, you are intelligence (consciousness), you are spotless (without taint)! Abandon the illusion of this world! Wake up from the slumber of forgetfulness (of your divine nature)!

See link below for the full Madalasa upadesha: 

 https://wiki.yoga-vidya.de/Madalasa_Upadesha

Sivananda says:

"Every mother of the world should realise her responsibility to awaken herself, her children, her family and her husband, to the true light, and splendour of spiritual life. In the Markandeya Purana it is said that Madalasa, wife of king Traterdan of the lunar dynasty, was a realised soul. And what a glorious mother she was."

http://www.yogamag.net/archives/2012/haug12/makers.shtml

Chidananda (Sivananda's disciple and an enlightened yogi) on parenting and on Madalasa:

http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displayrightsection&section_id=1560&parent=1341&format=html

His advice to mothers: http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displayrightsection&section_id=1558&parent=1341&format=html

I would like to be a mother like Madalasa. She was immersed in worldly activity but never let go of the thought of God. She had a job and a family to take care of but remained connected with her own true divine nature. I pray to God to make me like Madalasa. As my Guru says, this is the birthright of every human being, not just of a handful of people over the centuries. 

If we do not search, we will not find. If we search, we are bound to find, for it is our destiny. We are in the lap of God, born to realise God and be free. 

I am beginning to genuinely believe that attaining the spiritual goal of life is possible for every single human being on this planet. It is within the reach of every one of us.  It is not meant for the few, it is meant for the many. Only, we have to want it. This is the key.

May be it is the dream, may be it is just hope, but I am beginning to really feel, for the first time in my life, that it is perfectly possible for me to attain God in this life. Not theoretically. But practically. ('I' may not have any capacity to attain anything, but the name of God that I recite has the power to grant me something serious spiritually- I have firm faith in this).

And I do not want to be bound by any concepts about what attaining God means. Everything that it is written is only theory. One has to experience this oneself. And everyone who attained God had a unique experience. My experience will also be unique. I ask God 'Show Yourself to me, give me the spiritual experience that You want me to have, that You have created me to have, that I have been born to have, that You have commanded me to attain in the form of my Guru Sivananda'. 

May God bless us all. May Madalasa, the enlightened queen and Guru, bless and inspire us.

Hari Aum Tat Sat 

P.S.  Update on Nov 19: I tried increasing the number of malas in order to finish the purascharana early before the delivery date but have had to give up on this idea after a week as it felt mechanical and did not fit with the integral yoga practice advised by Sivananda (felt like I had less time for kirtan, svadhyaya and other spiritual practices due to increasing the japa which felt less enjoyable). I have decided to just stick with the current 11 malas a day which has worked well for me over the years and continue my integral yoga practice.