Regret

 Hari Aum.

One of the most difficult emotions to deal with is regret. We all make mistakes. It take wisdom, honesty and courage to deal with them. Wisdom to realise we have made them; honesty to admit this to ourselves and if needed, to others. Courage to deal with their consequences.

With mistakes, often comes the emotion of regret. Regret is a painful emotion. It involves a sense that we let ourselves down, that we let others down, that we are sad that things happened the way they did. It can be linked to action or inaction. Research suggests that, in general, people regret the things they did not do more than the things they did. Regrets can occur when we miss opportunities in any area of life-- personal life, career, hobbies, travel and more. Perhaps one of the most significant regrets are those related to spiritual life-- at one's lack of practice and therefore lack of progress. 

Confession is a tradition used in the Catholic tradition to pray to God to obtain pardon for one's mistakes and to overcome the associated feelings of regret and guilt. It can help to lighten the load on the heart. Similarly admitting one's mistakes to one's own Guru (if we have one) can be helpful. The Guru is a deeply compassionate manifestation of God.

We all have our regrets. Sometimes these are related to distant events that took place when we were relatively young and still learning. We can still carry the burden of guilt and regret for such events into our present and future unless we deal with them.

Aside from confessions to God and Guru, one of the best ways to handle regret is to pray for those whom we feel we treated less well than we should have. We can pray that these people are blessed by God with peace, happiness and spiritual wisdom. In doing so, we can hope to gain their forgiveness and that of God.

On that note, I too would like to broadly confess my regrets (without going into too much detail). There are people in the distant past whom I knew as a young adult with whom I conducted myself in a way that I regret. This was a period of intense learning and turmoil as it can be for so many of us. Some of these people are not remembered every day, others are a frequent, regular memory. Either way, I feel sorry for the misunderstandings that happened at the time and, in some cases, the separation and ending of connections that occurred as a result. 

I know also that I carried an unnecessary burden of guilt and regret that I need not have. This is another tendency of the human mind. To feel guilt sometimes when none is necessary. Sometimes, as we grow up, we are incorrectly given the message by those around us, that we are responsible for other people's feelings related to their own choices and circumstances. We are not. We are responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions. We have duty to keep these in line with dharma (a key part of which is truth). We are not responsible for what others choose to think, feel and do-- that is their concern entirely. 

As I conclude, I would like to dedicate this article to those people of my distant past who played an important role in my life at the time and whose memories still influence me to this day. Some were friends, some were more. I remember them with love and am grateful for the joy and teachings that I received from their presence in my life. Most of them perhaps have no idea that I remember them and, in some cases, that I wish that they were still in my life. 

However, things happen in accordance with the law of karma. People come and go in accordance with the will of God. Sometimes, people whom we thought we gone forever, pleasantly surprise us by returning. And sometimes, even when the connection ends forever in this lifetime, perhaps we will meet again, either in another lifetime or in the realm of the divine (as we will all get there one day according to the yogis).

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.