Religious acceptance, kindness and the grace of God

Hari Aum.

I would like to share a few thoughts on the subject of religious acceptance (I’m deliberately not using the phrase ‘religious tolerance’ as this has a somewhat negative connotation implying that there is something undesirable that one has to ‘tolerate’. ‘Acceptance’ sounds much more understanding and embracing than mere ‘tolerance’ and that is what is needed).

As we all know, human beings are frequently at war with each other. Whether it is in the home or at work or on a larger scale between countries, there is perpetually some form of conflict on this planet. It destroys happiness and peace but yet we fight each other with no empathy, self-awareness or sense.

Therefore before discussing religious acceptance, I’d like to briefly reflect upon religious fanaticism which is sadly a major source of conflict between people. There are fanatics in every religion and philosophy (there are also those who are fanatical about atheism). Humans have an extraordinary capacity to be fanatical. What is the meaning of the word ‘fanatic’? The Cambridge online dictionary provides the following definition: “a person who has very extreme beliefs that may lead them to behave in unreasonable or violent ways”.

Why do we humans become fanatical? The yogis would say this is rooted in ego, in pride. We have a natural tendency to like to feel superior to others. We like to think we look better, have more wealth, are more intelligent, are more noble and have more success than others. Sadly, we also have a tendency to bring this attitude to our spiritual lives. We like to think our religion is better, our spiritual practice is better than that of others. Some people like to feel that they are much more spiritually advanced than others (when usually this is not the case).

Unfortunately for us, spirituality and ego move in diametrically opposite directions. The more ego, the more superiority we bring into our spiritual lives, the more we move away from God and shut the door upon His grace. This is why we make little or no spiritual progress even after many years of spiritual practice. 

None of us is perfect. If we were, we would not need to follow a spiritual path—we would experience our natural spiritual state of closeness to God. But we are where we are. And it is wisdom to acknowledge that. We do not ourselves any favours by pretending otherwise.

So having accepted that we are all imperfect and in need of the grace of God, let us examine our behaviour on this planet. One terrible manifestation of ego is religious violence. The hand that raises a sword or fires a gun or sets off a bomb to harm others is a terrible hand indeed. The tongue that mocks the true devotion of other spiritual practitioners is a terrible tongue indeed. The mind that thinks cruel thoughts and hates true devotees of another spiritual path is a terrible mind indeed. There is absolutely no genuine spirituality at all in these terrible minds, tongues and hands-- it is the basest, most dreadful manifestation of the ego.

We are all unfortunately susceptible to this terrible behaviour, that manifests due to uncontrolled ego, when we lose self-awareness. We must recognise this and correct ourselves whenever we drift in this spiritually dangerous direction.

It is not wrong to speak up against violent fanatics of any religion. But it is wrong to support fanatics of our own religion while condemning and mocking the true devotees of other religions.

Sadly we find ourselves repeating this mistake over and over again. We are drawn to support all members of our own religion, including the harmful fanatical elements, while condemning all members of other religions including the true devotees of God.

As we know, the Gurus of the Advaita Vedanta philosophy (the mainstream, most widely-practiced form of Sanathana Dharma or Hinduism) emphatically declare that there is one God and that this one God has many names, forms and manifestations. Among the many names of God, the yogis tell us that Narayana, Shiva, Krishna, Rama, Durga, Shakti, Ganesha, Subramanya are some important ones. Equally, they tell us the names of Buddha, Jesus, Mary, Allah and Jehovah are sacred and worthy of our reverence.

They also describe various sins or offences against these holy names; this is written at the end of the Japa Yoga book by Sivananda. He mentions ten offences against the holy names and mantras of God which must we need to take care to avoid as much as possible in order to make spiritual progress. Two of these are: “vilification of saints and devotees”, and “differentiation among divine names’.

To put it simply, people who worship Rama while despising Allah and Jesus and their true devotees cut themselves off from the grace of Rama. 
Similarly, those people who worship Allah while hating the true devotees of Rama and Jesus shut the door upon the grace of Allah. 

Equally, those people who regard themselves as devotees of Jesus but despise and vilify the true devotees of Rama and Allah will be closed off from the grace of Jesus. 

After years of so-called devotion, such egoistic people remain hard-hearted and cruel, devoid of empathy and compassion towards others, and then wonder why they make no spiritual progress.

The yogis tell us that the sublime, sacred spiritual feelings that arise in all true devotees when they contemplate God are the same, whether they worship Rama, Allah or Jesus (these sublime feelings are absent in the crude, egoistic consciousness of fanatical followers who only succeed in offending God and earning His punishment by committing violence in His name).
 
The grace of God comes to us in proportion to our empathy towards others (devotees, atheists, agnostics and all), our ability to control our ego and practice kindness towards all beings (including animals, insects and plants) as much as is possible.
 
We widely open the doors of our consciousness to His presence and grace when we rejoice in the true devotion of others to Him, whether they belong to our own or another religion. A genuine devotee of God will always delight in the sincere devotion of others in God because he/she knows the joy of worshipping God. In fact, a true devotee will always feel love towards other devotees of God, whether they worship Him by the same or different names. It is only those who have never truly tasted devotion to God who despise the devotion of others.
 
Please note that (as I mentioned in a previous  post ‘being spiritual does not involve being a doormat’), the need to become self-aware and control our ego, does not imply that we allow harmful people to walk a all over us and abuse us. As a doctor, I have met many patients who have suffered intensely and been psychologically damaged due to the selfish, toxic, abusive behaviour of people around them (including family members in particular as we have no choice in selecting them; it is our karma to have had contact with them-- we need to learn and grow from this experience).
 
When dealing with such toxic individuals (especially if they are biologically related to us), it can take time to recognise that they are destroying our lives (both healthwise and spiritually). But once this recognition dawns and the truth is clearly before us without any doubt, that is the time to take wise action. And the wisest thing to do is to kindly and firmly show them the door. It is very difficult to set clear boundaries with toxic individuals as they are accustomed to not caring about the feelings of others; being disrespectful and regularly transgressing the boundaries of others is the norm for them. 

Maintaining a healthy relationship with them is virtually impossible--they expect the highest standards of behaviour from others at all times and are completely unforgiving of anyone else's errors. At the same time, they virtually never truly introspect, examine their own negative behaviours or make any improvements (their behaviour is deeply entrenched over one or more lifetimes); and while behaving in this appalling manner, they expect others to instantly forgive the harm they do. Sadly therefore, psychologists almost unanimously declare that relationships with such people must inevitably end if one wants to live a healthy life.

Showing such egoistic toxic individuals the door protects us from further harm and allows us space to heal from the damage they have inflicted. It also gives the toxic individuals the opportunity to reflect and change if they choose to do so--but that is really none of our concern, it is between them and God. They will face the consequences of their karma, as we all must do. We cannot rely upon them at all and must focus on taking excellent care of our own health, sanity and spiritual lives by maintaining a safe and healthy distance.

There is simply no wisdom in sacrificing oneself at the altar of their ego. The only correct place to sacrifice oneself is before the altar of God, the one who has our best interests at heart. We cannot allow selfish, toxic people and fanatics to destroy our precious lives when we have so much to give to the world, so much to do and achieve, including and especially in our spiritual lives.

 
So we have to walk this tightrope—being self-aware and cautious in not offending other true devotees while accepting them fully. And keeping out of our lives, toxic individuals and religious egoistic fanatics who sin against God and try to drag us down with them. It is a challenging balance indeed but it must be done if we are to progress spiritually. It takes honesty and courage to walk the spiritual path and that is what we need to maintain this balance.
 
Praise be to God in all His manifestations, including Narayana, Allah, Jesus, Shiva, Durga, Jehovah and Buddha. May He give us all good sense and intense true devotion to Him. May we receive His grace and prosper, both spiritually and materially.
 
Om Namo Narayanaya.
 
Hari Aum Tat Sat.

The five love languages and God

 Hari Aum.

The yogis say that there are four main paths to connect with God. These are the path of devotion (practicing mantra, kirtan etc), the path of wisdom (reading scriptures and contemplating their meaning), the path of service (serving living beings as worship of God) and the path of meditative practices (asana, pranayama, etc). 

In Sanskrit, these four paths are respectively known as bhakti yoga, jnana yoga, karma yoga and raja yoga. Sivananda used to advise his students to practice all four paths as he said that this would ensure all-round spiritual development of the head, heart and hand. However, one of these paths may come more naturally to us than others. 

Some time ago, I came across a somewhat similar concept described in a different way-- as the five love languages. You may have come across this concept--- it was originally described in a book written by an American counsellor and pastor known as Gary Chapman. He worked for several years as a counsellor dealing with a variety of people, including a number who were facing issues with their relationships. Over time he says he realised the problem with human relationships was often not a lack of love, but a lack of expressing the love in a way understood by the other. 

Based on his observation of his clients, he came up with the concept of 'love languages' and said each person has a primary one. Without receiving love expressed in their primary love languages, he said, people will not feel fully satisfied that they are loved. All five love languages may be appreciated by us but he says that one in particular will usually stand out as very special. 

Furthermore, Mr Chapman says it is no use expressing our love for others in our own love language-- he emphasises that we need to learn the other person's love language and express our love in a way that they understand. 

In fact, he said he found remarkable that spouses in particular rarely had the same love languages, and hence the significant potential for misunderstandings and conflict between them (there is no gender bias when it comes to love languages by the way; both men and women can have any of these five).

What does this mean? Well imagine two citizens of different countries who do not speak the same language falling in love with each other-- say a person from Nigeria and someone from China. There is no use in them telling each other that they love each other in their own language, because the other will simply not understand! They need to figure out how to say it in the other person's language for the understanding to develop. 

Why is this relevant to God? Well, Mr Chapman says that our primary love language applies to God too. We feel loved by God when He speaks to us in our own primary love language. And we do not need to learn His love language as He is fluent in all love languages-- so it is quite enough if we communicate with Him using our own primary love language! In some ways, this can help make our relationship with God much easier than with other people! 

What are the five love languages that Mr Chapman talks about? They are widely written about all over the internet but let me summarise them briefly here. There is some overlap between the five but they are still distinct. (I highly recommend reading his books by the way, I cannot do full justice to their content here).  

The five love languages are (in the order described in Mr Chapman's book):

1. Words of affirmation:

This means words expressing love, admiration, respect, care, appreciation, encouragement and so on.

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation need to receive these from those who love them in order to feel loved. 

Spiritual people whose primary love language is words of affirmation feel particularly happy when they receive words or speech expressing God's love for them. They feel inspired by books, by the spoken word (e.g. an inspiring talk given by a spiritual person), by spiritual writings (the scriptures)-- things that speak of the love of God for human beings. These words speak powerfully to them, touch their innermost being in a way that nothing else can.

Equally, they spiritually thrive when they are able to freely express their love for God through words, through speech and through writing. They love to express their love, admiration and respect for God through words, such as mantras, prayers, songs, writing about God and so on. This is how they most naturally give and receive the love of God. 

Most of the poet-saints around the world, ranging from Mirabai to Rabia, could come into this category, as can the famous 'trinity' of Carnatic music (the classical music of South India). They all composed beautiful poetry and music in praise of God and which provide great spiritual inspiration and insights to others.

2. Quality time:

This means spending time together, doing an interesting activity together or learning/discussing something. 

People whose primary love language is quality time need to feel that other people take time out of their often busy schedules to spend time with them, to do things together, to discuss various subjects.

Spiritual people who have quality time as their primary love language find it natural to spend significant amounts of time contemplating God, thinking about His glories, e.g. silent contemplative meditation, attending a spiritual retreat (taking time out to immerse oneself in spiritual practices, in reflection upon God). 

3. Receiving gifts:

People whose primary love language is receiving gifts feel particularly loved when people give some something as an expression of their love. It need not be very expensive but it needs to be given with love and with consideration of what the recipient likes. There is no use in us giving people things that they do not like, that would not be loving at all. A thoughtful, valuable gift would generally be something that is suited to the taste and personality of the recipient based on our knowledge of them).

Spiritual practitioners whose primary love language is receiving gifts feel the love of God is a gift, they feel loved by God when they receive things from Him--- both material and spiritual.

Equally they like to express their love for Him by giving generously to others. They make donations to spiritual institutions, to places of worship, for projects involving the welfare of other living beings (e.g. the construction of hospitals, schools etc). They like to give without ostentation, without wanting anything in return. They give simply because they enjoy giving and it makes them feel close to their beloved who is God.

4. Acts of service:

Individuals whose primary love language is acts of service feel most loved by people who do something for them. This may range from the most mundane unromantic things (like filling up the dishwasher, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage) to more special things (such as going out of their way to do a special favour or act of kindness). Such acts of kindness are remembered for years by such people. 

Spiritual people whose primary love language is acts of service feel most connected to God when they serve Him in other living beings. Such people are the busiest of karma yogis; they are actively involved in practical actions demonstrating their love for Him. They build schools and hospitals providing free services to those who cannot afford them, they construct places of worship such as temples, churches, mosques and synagogues. They toil and labour and show their love through their physical actions.

Some good examples of this type of lover of God would include Swami Vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa. All of them spent their entire lives in the service of humankind as a form of worship of God.

5. Physical touch:

People whose primary love language is physical touch feel particularly loved by physical contact with others. This need not necessarily be sexual, it can be emotional, e.g. a hug, holding hands and so on. 

Spiritual practitioners whose primary love language is physical touch often experience physical sensations that are connected to their love of God (e.g. a 'holy thrill'). They may be very much drawn to the practice of the presence of God. They regularly practice this and actually descibe feeling the touch of God, both in body and soul. The touch of God, they say, fills them with feelings of joy that cannot be described. 

One famous example is Brother Lawrence, a Catholic monk who lived in France in the 16th century. He practiced the presence of God intensely and gained great spiritual insights; his letters have since been compiled into a beautiful book known as The Practice of the Presence of God (I read this years ago after hearing about it from a senior monk at the Sivananda Ashram in Rishikesh and would highly recommend it as a wonderful source of inspiration).

So there we have it--the five love languages. Gary Chapman says we can practice all of them with God and each other, but when we look closely at ourselves and others, we are very likely to notice that one language comes most naturally to us. 

What is the overall message of his books? He says that if we want to have good relationships with other people (family, friends etc), we need to develop an understanding of our own and their primary love languages. We then need to learn to express our love to others in their language. 

Furthermore, we need to clearly communicate to our loved ones what we need from them to feel their love for us. It is also not adequate to know about the love languages, he says; one needs to translate the knowledge into action, we need to actually do something with this knowledge to see positive results in our relationships with poeple.

This important point also applies to both our and others' relationships with God. We need to do more of our own primary love language as this will strengthen us spiritually. Furthermore, we need to recognise that others have their own love language for God which may be different from ours (and which is not superior or inferior) and respect this.

In his book on the love languages of God, Mr Chapman suggests that we ask ourselves what we can do to express our love for God and reflect upon what we have experienced suggesting His love for us. This he says will help us signficantly on our spiritual path. 

I think this is an excellent idea and have found it very helpful myself. It has given me some valuable insights into my own spiritual practice. It has also provided a fresh injection of enthusiasm into my spiritual life (this is often needed from time to time for most spiritual seekers who are cultivating a long-term relationship with God!). 

It would be useful to reflect on this subject and come up with our own unique love language to connect with God which contains a blend of the five, with an emphasis on the one or two that may come most naturally to us.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Shivaratri greetings

 Hari Aum.

Om Namah Shivaya. Salutations to Lord Shiva.

Today is a sacred day in the Vedic spiritual calendar. It is a day (or rather, a night) that is sacred to Lord Shiva.

Shiva is one of the great manifestations of the Supreme Being or God. The yogis say there is one God who has numerous names and forms. Some of these names and forms are more well-known than others. Shiva is among the most beloved forms of God. 

The name Shiva means auspiciousness. Shiva and Narayana are one and the same Being according to the Advaita Vedanta tradition of yoga. Although identical in nature, the form of Shiva is different from Narayana (every form of God is unique).

The form of Shiva is that of a yogi, a renunciate. He represents the highest spiritual nature, the turning away from material desires. He represents wisdom and discernment-- the ability of the mind to tell the difference between right and wrong, light and darkness. He represents strength, immense spiritual strength, the ability to perform tremendous spiritual austerities for the good of all. 

He is described as the Lord of the world, the Supreme Father, the benevolent one who is easily pleased (Ashutosh). His appearance is beautiful and dramatic. He wears an animal hide (representing conquest of the lower animal nature, so difficult to conquer), while ashes from the cremation ground are smeared all over His body (representing detachment from the world). He hold the trident (representing the threefold nature of material existence; sattva/goodness, rajas/passion and tamas/ignorance) and the drum (representing sacred sound). His garland is a cobra with five heads; these five heads represent many things including the five great elements of Creation (space, air, water, fire, earth), the five senses and five pranas (type of energy) within the human body and so on. He is the origin and master of the material world represented by the serpent resting on His neck.

Shiva is particularly associated with the destuction of evil, with the removal of impurities from the mind, with the cleansing of one's nature. Like Krishna, He is also associated with music and dance. All the sounds of the Sanskrit alphabet are said to have emanated from His drum a the beginning of Creation. A the end of a cycle of creation, it is said that He dances an extraordinary dance-- the dance of dissolution of the material world. As a result of this divine dance, all Creation is dissolved back into its origin, namely Himself, and remains latent within Him until He choses to create again.

His wife is the Goddess Parvati, who also has many wonderful names and forms. She is described as the Mother of the universe, both gentle and nourishing and also fierce and powerful. She is also particularly associated with the destruction of evil (especially in Her form as Durga or Kali). Shiva and Parvati are two aspects of one God, inseparable from each other, and are therefore often worshipped together.

The world needs the blessing of Lord Shiva today more than ever. War has broken out again and there is much misery. Not only this, there is talk of nuclear weapons being placed on standby-- unthinkable madness. 

Those who start wars never seem to understand that wars never solve problems, they only create new ones. The damage from this war, not just physical but also to the minds and hearts of people, will take years if not decades to heal from. Let us pray that this madness comes to an end as soon as possible. Let there be peace. 

We ourselves are a microcosm of the macrocosm say the yogis. Just as there are big wars in the outside world, there can be big wars within us too. The solution to war, whether within or without, is prayer and devotion to God, according to the Gurus of all traditions. Peace, both inner and outer, can be ultimately found only in God.

Om Namah Shivaya.

Om Trayambakam yajamahe, Sugandhim pushti vardhanam,

Urva rukamiva bandhanan-mrityur mukshiya mamritat.

This is the famous Maha-mrityunjaya mantra which is addressed to Lord Shiva, invoking Him as the auspicious one who nourishes all, and requests Him to grant us realisation of our true immortal nature.

I wish you all a spiritually fulfilling Shivaratri. May Lord Shiva bless us all.

Om Namah Shivaya. Om Sri Durgayai Namah.

Om Sri Gurave Namah.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

P.S. This is a link to a beautiful book by my Guru Sivananda about the glories of Lord Shiva (available for free on the Divine Life Society website):

https://www.dlshq.org/download/lord-siva-and-his-worship/#_VPID_30