Sincerity and empathy in spiritual life

 Hari Aum.

The Gurus tell us that we need to cultivate a number of helpful qualities or virtues to be able to progress spiritually.

The main aim of the cultivation of these qualities is to cleanse the mind and render it fit for contemplation and meditation upon God. These virtues draw the grace of God upon us and help us to recognise His presence within ourselves and others. I was reflecting upon two of these qulities recently which I feel are very important.

The first of these is sincerity. Sincerity is defined as being honest, or the absence of deceit and hypocrisy. It involves speaking from the heart, and being genuine. It is a form of truthfulness or Satya. Sincerity, from a spiritual perspective, means being serious about the search for God. 

It involves an unshakable feeling, a conviction and recognition that there is more to this world than meets the eye. It involves a strong desire to discover that Self which is hidden behind all these ever-changing names and forms. 

When one is sincere about the search for God, one will find time to connect with Him/Her every day regardless of one's circumstances. Just like a hungry man will not reject a delicious meal laid out on a table in front of him, a spiritually hungry person will not reject their daily spiritual practices under any circumstances. Just as people find time to eat and drink every day, no matter how busy they are, spiritual seekers will find time to do some sadhana every day, no matter how hectic their lives are. 

Sivananda advises his students to continue their sadhana with 'leech-like tenacity'. The capacity to do that comes from sincerity. And when we are sincere about improving ourselves, about seeking the Higher Self, we obtain the grace of God and help from all true Gurus. This may not always be obvious but the help will always be there. No sincere seeker is ever left alone to struggle on the spiritual path by themselves (even if it feels that way sometimes and it inevitably will from time to time).

Even if we fail a million times, even if our lower minds never cease to trouble us, no matter what our present state is, if we have sincerity, honesty, a genuine desire to work upon ourselves and improve, then the grace of God is assured, that is what the Gurus tell us (and many of us would have also experienced this ourselves). We can be completely certain about this and we will all have experienced this knowingly or unknowingly.

Another extremely important quality in spiritual life is empathy. This is defined as the capacity to understand and feel another person's feelings. This involves engaging both the head and the heart and is an important skill both materially and spiritually. 

Empathy is a form of kindness and compassion. It is an important aspect of ahimsa or non-violence. We are empathetic towards others when we give people the benefit of the doubt, when we have faith in them, when we trust others. We are empathetic towards others when we are careful not to be unfairly judgemental and harsh, when we consider why others may have said or done something, what feelings they may have experienced that may have then led them to behave in a particular way. 

When we are empathetic, we feel the pain of others. We actively take steps to minimise or avoid causing pain to others as far as possible. This is a general outline of the practice of empathy.

From a spiritual perspective, empathy includes recognising the presence of God in others. It involves honouring that God by desisting from saying or doing things deliberately to harm others. It involves actively saying and doing things that will benefit others.

It is very important to point out that being empathetic does not in any way mean being a doormat. Many spiritual seekers make this mistake. In the name of being empathetic towards others, they may inadvertently allow all sorts of egoistic and toxic individuals whom they encounter in life to walk all over them. "Never mind, that is just the way they are. I should not respond harshly but just accept this is the way it is" one may say about such harmful individuals. 

Sadly, this approach does not do anybody any good. The egoistic, toxic individuals in question will only continue to harm others, blissfully ignorant about the negative impact of their actions. While the spiritual seeker will often find that, if they keep company with such people, their own health and wellbeing is negatively impacted and possibly even destroyed.

In such situations, one must take a firm stand and establish some clear boundaries. One might say to others "I respect you and wish you well. However, this does not mean that I will accept significant amounts of abuse and toxicity from you. There are limits to everything. If you cross a line, we may not be able to continue this connection."

If there have been prolonged periods of abusive behaviour from others, there may come a time when one has to draw a line and cut all contact. This is a last resort, but sadly, this may be required in some cases, particularly when there does not appear to be any form of sincerity or evidence of genuine regret or change in the other. It is very important to remember that actions speak much louder than words. Anyone can say 'sorry' but it is the actions that truly reveal whether a person sincere about being sorry or whether they merely see this as a 'get-out-of-jail-free' card.

One needs to show a bit of empathy towards oneself too. In order to be kind to others, one has to have something in the emotional tank; there needs to be that inner strength, inner wellbeing, in order to give to others. One therefore needs to ensure that one looks after one's own emotional and physical health and wellbeing (both spiritual and material) very well in order to serve and give to others. This is not selfish, this is common sense.

In summary, sincerity and empathy are very useful qualities to cultivate for spiritual progress. Without these, it is unlikely that one will see any real results despite much spiritual practice. With these, even if we have many failings, we will slowly and steadily move forward on the spiritual path.

From a spiritual perspective, the practice of sincerity or honesty involves recognising and honouring the God within ourselves, that God whose essence is Truth. 

And, the practice of empathy, of making the effort to understand the feelings and thoughts of others based on contemplating what they may be going through, involves recognising and honouring the presence of God in others. 

This combination of worshipping God both in oneself and others allows us to gain maximum benefits from our spiritual practices such as japa, puja, kirtan, spiritual study, karma yoga and so on.

We may not always succeed in being perfectly sincere and empathetic but it is the trying that matters. It is the intention to practice these qualities that matters. 

If we study the lives of our Gurus who succeeded in attaining God during their lifetimes, we will see that they too went through many of the struggles that we are going through. They too had to deal with all sorts of problems both from within their own minds and from the outside world; many of them have discussed these and explained how they overcame them gradually.

The main quality in them was that they never gave up. They refused to quit no matter what challenges they faced. If we read their autobiographies, we will find that it was no cakewalk at all for them. They had to do battle with their lower minds just as we, who wish to follow in their footsteps, need to do. And they have advised us to do the same. There are no short cuts, they tell us. No quick fixes on the spiritual path. With great patience, with immense perseverance, with extraordinary sincerity, they simply kept at their spiritual practices, day after day after day. 

And, we will also find, that they went out of their way to be empathetic and took action to serve others in whatever way they could. They all made a serious effort to do something practical for the welfare of others. One simply cannot advance spiritually without lifting a finger to help others, without taking some trouble for the welfare of others. The God within others simply has to be recognised and worshipped (via some sort of service, no matter whether big or small) if one is to have any real chance at all of spiritual progress.

Sitting comfortably in a room doing japa and meditation all day long, and reading a few spiritual books will not get us very far. At some point, we will need to get up and do something practical for somebody. And generally, the Gurus say, it is a good idea to do also do something for people we not do know and from whom we do not expect anything in return. That is what makes it selfless (karma yoga). 

It is unwise to limit oneself only to serving one's family and friends all one's life as the Gurus say this narrow form of service is only a manifestation of the ego (looking after only those who are related to us or from whom we have some expectations is a sort of selfishness). To progress spiritually, the yogis say that, while caring for our relatives and friends, we also need to care equally about people who are not connected with us in any way. This is real empathy, genuine worship of God.

So, let us also keep at it, keep up our spiritual practices day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. That has worked for others and it will work for us too. 

Eventually. :)

On that note, I would like to say that I am continuing steadily with my daily japa practice as planned. I find the seven malas a day of the ashtakashara with one mala a day of the Lakshmi mantra is working well for me (as my health improves, I am increasing my hours of work so I feel this is a realistic amount of daily japa for the present).

May God bless us all with the qualities of spiritual sincerity and empathy and thus enable us to progress well on the spiritual path.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.

Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.