The caterpillar

Hari Aum.

I happened to come across this interesting article online (see link below) which describes the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. 

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/caterpillar-butterfly-metamorphosis-explainer/

It is such an extraordinary journey, so challenging and yet so beautiful. And of course, a perfect metaphor for spiritual life, hence the reason I am writing about it here.

I thought I would write a small story describing the very real challenges that we spiritual seekers face on our journey.

Imagine a scene in a lush rainforest in the tropics, perhaps in Kerala. A number of worms wiggle about on various plants and leaves and on the earth. Some are caterpillars, others are earthworms, centipedes and millipedes. They eat leaves with great enjoyment and grow bigger and bigger.

One day, some of them dimly perceive (their eyesight is not very good!) a dash of moving colour amongst the flowering plants. They wonder what this might be. Some of the worms declare that they spotted a winged insect, the mythical creature called a butterfly. Others declare that butterflies do not exist at all-- the only type of creature that exists is the worm!

Some of the caterpillars earnestly explain to the other worms that butterflies are real. These beautiful creatures truly exist! 

However, the earthworms dismiss this as a fairytale! There is no such thing as a butterfly, they declare with absolute certainty! Those that talk of butterflies are simply delusional-- one should stay away from them (in case the madness is catching!).

Saying this, the earthworms bury themselves in the dark, moist earth. (Earthworms are wonderful and useful worms-- in this story, however, the earthworm represents tamas, a love for darkness and spiritual ignorance).

Centipedes are creatures that can bite quite viciously. Upon hearing the caterpillars talk about butterflies, they get very angry! What nonsense! It is a complete pack of lies to believe in butterflies, let alone imagine that a worm can become one! 

A worm is a worm and should know its place in the world—which is to crawl upon the ground. It is perfectly absurd for a worm to imagine itself flying about in the sky!

The centipedes tell the caterpillars that they are either lying or mad or both! They then march off in a temper to find some insects to inject their venom into and eat. (In this story, the centipede represents the rajasic mind, that thinks it knows everything, that is close-minded, haughty and aggressive).

Hearing these arguments, the millipedes become very nervous. They think there may be some truth in what the caterpillars say but are afraid of saying so openly. They are scared of being ridiculed by the other worms. 

So, they defensively curl up into little balls and disappear from sight. They effectively deny what they know to be true. (In this story, the millipede represents those who know there is a spiritual reality, but who are very fearful, who lack the courage and conviction to acknowledge this truth and seek it in their lives.)

The caterpillars, on the other hand, represent spiritual seekers. They represent the sattvic mind, the higher mind filled with positive qualities. 

After eating a lot of leaves (representing spiritual practices!), they have grown quite a bit. They have shed their outer layers a few times and the next stage has come-- the time for major transformation, the stage of the chrysalis.

This is a very challenging stage. They will need to retreat from the world completely and conceal themselves within a special case called the chrysalis. Within the chrysalis, they will have to give up their very existence as caterpillars. 

They will need to do what the yogis tell us spiritual seekers to do— 'die to live'. 

The caterpillar will need to melt its very being into a 'soup', losing the body that has so far been familiar, losing its very identity as a caterpillar. It digests its own body which is then re-organised into that of the butterfly. This is an extraordinary and magical process.

Therefore, the caterpillars make their way to a secluded spot where they will commence the process of becoming butterflies. They secrete a silken thread and, mixing this with earth and leaves (to better hide themselves), begin to wrap this all over themselves. Soon, they are hidden from view and the silken structure becomes more firm and forms the protective chrysalis. 

Inside the chrysalis, each caterpillar must face the great transformation alone (only God is present to support it). The caterpillar alone knows what it goes through during this time of intense change. As its body begins to melt away, it must have faith that it will succeed in forming a new one, the one that is its destiny.

The caterpillar must also have great courage. To melt oneself into nothing is no easy task. To give up that which is comfortable and familiar is not easy. However, it trusts in the process and surrenders to it. It allows Mother Nature to do Her work.

The caterpillar also requires great patience. It must be prepared to spend a certain period of time within the chrysalis. The time required to transform is predetermined; this cannot be hurried in any way.

So, with great courage, faith, patience and surrender, the caterpillar allows Mother Nature to do Her work. It cooperates with Her, it does not resist when Nature commands it to begin the process of transformation. It does not protest, it does not say it is too painful and difficult. 

No, the caterpillar allows Nature to take its course. It allows Nature to mould it, to transform it.

And, after a period of time, when many wonderful changes have taken place, the new butterfly forms. It must now carefully squeeze itself out of the chrysalis, a process which again takes some time.

Finally, after completing the incredible transformation and emerging from its chrysalis, the butterfly must wait patiently for its wings to dry before it can take flight. 

And when that moment finally arrives, what a moment it is! As it flutters high up into the air, the butterfly marvels at the world that appears so different from its previous experience as a caterpillar—it can see so much more clearly and can do so much more. It has a far more fulfilling existence than previously.

Only the butterfly knows the bliss of the wonderful nectar it drinks from various colourful flowers. It alone knows the sublime joy it feels as it flutters high above the earth, and as it plays with other butterflies in the air (those who have also completed the same arduous journey; it takes a butterfly to truly know another!). 

These are the sweet rewards it receives from Mother Nature for having gone through such an immensely challenging journey.  

(And perhaps without realising, it has become a vital part of Nature needed to support life on our planet—by helping the growth of plants through the process of pollination. Not to mention the joy it unknowingly gives other beings by displaying the stunning artwork on its wings.)

As the butterflies of various colours fly swiftly past the next generation of little caterpillars chewing upon their leaves, some of them might whisper in the breeze: ‘Truly, you are baby butterflies! You are one of us and you too can make it as we did. Do not give up; keep going! We’re cheering you on. It is very much worth it!’

The naysayer worms, who continue to wiggle about on the earth, may or may not believe they exist. They may argue and endlessly debate this amongst themselves—but the butterflies simply do not care! They are too busy enjoying their new and beautiful existence!

The little caterpillar is a true inspiration for us spiritual seekers. It represents immense faith, courage, surrender and patience.

In a sense, we are all spiritual caterpillars. Despite the doubt, disbelief, anger, fear and other negative qualities that abound on our planet (both within and without us), we must work for our spiritual growth. We must break free of the misery of the cycle of birth and death for that is our spiritual birthright as human beings; it is our destiny.

And, as those who have attained spiritual knowledge (our teachers/Gurus, represented here by the butterflies) tell us, there are no shortcuts on the spiritual path. 

Each caterpillar has the potential to attain its destiny of becoming a butterfly. However, it has to be willing to go through the process in full. It must develop the necessary qualities and make a serious effort. 

The existence of butterflies gives hope and encouragement to caterpillars that they can do it too. What one has done, another with the same potential (and we all have spiritual potential) can also do.

As spiritual seekers who perform sadhana, we are currently within the sacred space of our own chrysalis. It will take time for us to transform but we have to trust the process. 

As the caterpillar melts its body, we melt our ego, our individual sense of self. And this is a great task. It is immensely challenging.

And there may be times when we understandably simply want the process to be over. We may want to escape the chrysalis before we are ready. But we must not because that would be most unwise.

We have to allow Mother Nature/ the Divine Mother to perform Her work upon us. And we do this, by performing a simple daily spiritual practice of our liking-- be it mantra japa, bhajan, puja, homam, karma yoga or anything else.

And we must encourage each other to keep going. Hearing another caterpillar in distress within their chrysalis, we must be able to say 'Hang in there, it is going to be ok!'. And there will be times when others will say the same to us when we are facing our own challenges in life. There will always be ups and downs within the chrysalis of sadhana. 

However, just as God who exists everywhere, is present with every caterpillar within its chrysalis, so also He/She is with each one of us (whether we feel it or not) every step of the way as we go through our own spiritual transformation.

I will conclude with a couple of sayings of my Guru, Sivananda. 

He said to humanity:

 “Eating, drinking, sleeping! A little laughter! Much weeping! Is that all? Do not die here like a worm. Wake up! Attain Immortal Bliss.” 

“The goal of life is God realisation. Never forget this. It is your birthright.” 

This is an excellent article explaining the essence of the spiritual path as taught by Gurudev Sivananda:

https://www.sivanandaonline.org//cmd=displaysection&section_id=1682

Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Sri Durgayai Namah.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Completion of purascharana six

 Hari Aum.

When I was in Kerala recently, I was discussing sadhana with a priest who had come to our home to perform a homam. I mentioned that I had taken on a commitment to do daily japa over a period of years (in the form of a purascharana-- a practice that involves completion of a certain number of mantra japa over a period of time). 

The priest smiled saying that those who walk the spiritual path and perform extended japa sadhanas face many challenging karmas (debts from previous lifetimes that need to be paid off before attaining God). I agreed with him saying that this has certainly been my experience! 

The first four purascharanas were relatively good. The last two have been filled with new experiences of all sorts-- both 'good' (spiritual experiences') and 'bad' (health issues and family karma!). The fifth purascharana (during the pandemic) was about major upheavals of all sorts. The sixth one, which has just ended, has been about finding solutions to the challenges generated in the fifth. It has been exhausting but good overall.

I am glad to say that the sixth purascharana finally ended this month-- it is a great relief. It has been challenging no doubt but I am grateful that, by the grace of the Divine Mother, I was able to carry on. During this purascharana, I have engaged more in Mother worship than in previous ones. (I have gone to Her to complain about the obstacles generated by worship of Her brother, Krishna/Narayana ! I feel She has been loving, kind and sympathetic). 

I have performed many mini-sadhanas of Her during the past three years and felt relief at every step. It is She alone who has helped me survive the onslaught of various karmas (from this and likely past lifetimes). As I have said before, it is my Divine Mother (especially as Durga/ Lakshmi/Kali) who is my strength in spiritual life. Without Her, there would be no sadhana at all. As my Guru, Sivananda, says, the devotee finds comfort more easily in the arms of the Divine Mother than in the arms of the Father!

However, my lower mind is now in major rebellion mode! It says 'I never want to do a purascharana again! I do not want to wake up and have to do japa first thing in the morning every day for years. I do not want to do it last thing at night either. I also do not want to remember God regularly during the day. I cannot take it anymore!"

"No, I just want to have a 'do-nothing at all' spiritual holiday. A very long holiday!!! I want to lie on a beach and eat lots of ice cream! That's it. I want no discipline or sadhana at all! I'm done. Finito! Bye, bye sadhana, see you never!"

However, my higher mind has other ideas. It says to the lower mind:

"Let's have a rest for a few weeks and then start again. I know this can feel tiring and dull at times but we have felt some very significant benefits from doing mantra japa. This is simply a fact— therefore, it is very much worth continuing."

"We had a plan to complete eight purascharanas in a row, and we are sticking to this plan (as a minimum). We are not going to quit under any circumstances, God-willing."

"Let's reduce the japa to 1-3 malas per day for a few weeks. Then, when we feel refreshed and rejuvenated, we will start the next one."

"It is true that, when one has been walking the spiritual path for a while, it can be tough to stay motivated, especially when the karmas come at one thick and fast. Therefore, the next purascharana or extended mantra japa commitment will be a 'no-pressure purascharana'! This will help stay committed to the practice and complete it (instead of giving up altogether)."

"The commitment for the seventh purascharana will be to do somewhere between 5-9 malas per day (flexibility allowed for days when the obstacles feel more intense and motivation is lower). The aim will be to complete the purascharana in approximately three years (may be a little more or less)."

"This purascharana will also be made up of 4 mini-anushthananas (each purascharana involves 800,000 mantra recitations, therefore the mini-anushthanas will be made up of around 200,000 recitations each). There will be a brief pause after every 200,000 recitations, when just 1 mala can be done daily for 1-2 weeks before resuming the regular number malas. This will help stay motivated during the practice."

This approach is more acceptable to my lower mind. It says to the higher mind:

"Ok, I can consider this. I just cannot face another 2-3 years of non-stop purascharana—it is just too much! I cannot take it anymore, especially as we have been at this practice for over fourteen years! You may say it is working, but I do not want to work anymore. I just want to relax!

If you let me have a break after every 200,000 recitations, then I can probably agree to let you do the next purascharana. I'm not happy about this practice in general, but if you allow me some short breaks to breathe during it, it feels a bit more bearable!"

So, this is the current plan. Take a break from purascharana for a few weeks (doing 1 mala of the ashtakashara mantra minimum per day). And then sometime in the coming weeks or months, get started on purascharana seven—a commitment to continue daily japa at an increased rate of 5-9 malas until the required number of recitations is complete.

To those readers who are also doing extended mantra japa practices (anushthanas and purascharanas), I just want to say I hope your practice is going well. 

To those who have not yet tried this, I would highly recommend it. We have to face our karmas, both positive and negative, one day. The mantra helps to cleanse our karmic account relatively rapidly so that we become eligible to acquire knowledge of our true nature as being one with the Divine. It may be tough but it is worth it. Because life on this planet is uncertain and ever-changing. It is not easy. 

The material path is not easy and leads nowhere ultimately-- it leads only to dust. The soul is lost in the desert of samsara. The spiritual path is also not easy but it leads somewhere worthwhile-- it leads to an oasis, to the Guru, to God. This oasis provides much-needed relief in the midst of samsaric challenges. It allows us to attain everlasting peace and bliss as per our Gurus and the scriptures.

Sadhana is the main purpose of life. It should be continued in one way or another, no matter the karmas, no matter the obstacles. This is the golden key to success in life, both spiritual and material.

On that note, I am going to go off and take care of my lower mind and coax it (with ice-cream and chocolate-- in moderation of course!) to get ready for another purascharana. :) 

I wish all readers the very best with your own sadhana. May our Gurus and God bless us all and the planet as a whole.

Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.

Om Sri Durgayai Namah.

Om Namo Narayanaya. 

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Ruminations on the mind and spiritual experiences

 Hari Aum.

Yesterday (or today depending upon where one lives) was the beginning of the Solar New Year in the Vedic calendar (known as 'Vishu' in Kerala, 'Puthandu' in Tamil Nadu and 'Vaisakhi' in Punjab). It is the day when the Sun, representing the soul, enters the sign of Aries, where it is exalted. This represents new beginnings, renewed motivation and an increase in positive, dynamic energy to fulfil both spiritual and material endeavours.

I am back home after a fortnight in Kerala, India which was wonderful. I visited a number of temples related to both Vishnu and Kali in the area (places where my ancestors on both sides of the family used to worship) and conducted various pujas and homams (for the welfare of both my immediate family and the planet as a whole). 

I started my sixth purascharana over three years ago at the rate of 7 malas of the ashtakshara mantra and am nearing completion in a few days. 

This period of sadhana has been very interesting. I have learnt a lot about spiritual life during this time and would like to share some of my insights for the benefit of readers. During the course of the past three years, I have had various experiences that have convinced me beyond any doubt that there is much more to the human being than meets the eye.

As a doctor, I have learned about the human body and mind from a medical perspective. However, this knowledge pertains only to the physical body, and the ordinary waking consiousness. Modern medicine does not speak about much else.

As a yogi, I have learned the theory about the energy body and four states of consciousness (not just the waking state, but also, dream, deep sleep and the fourth/superconscious state). Three of these belong to the material realm (waking, dream and deep sleep); the fourth state is the state of Self Realisation (which is also called spiritual liberation/ knowledge of one's immortal nature as being one with the Divine).

During the course of my sadhana over many years, I have not sought any specific experiences (aside from desiring a darshan of God, which is linked with the spiritual goal). But in the past few years, these have begun to occur with increasing frequency. These experiences are merely signposts along the way. They are not the goal of spiritual life-- that is yet to be attained. But they have a use. They suggest that something is working, something is happening, something is shifting within.

I tell my patients who come to me to discuss mood-related issues (such as anxiety and depression) that the human mind is a like an iceberg (they sometimes tell me that they cannot understand where their anxious/panicky/low feelings come from as there is no obvious trigger). 

Only a small portion of this iceberg is visible above the surface of ocean (this is the waking consciousness that we are aware of). However, a vast portion of it lies hidden beneath the surface of the ocean-- this is the subconscious mind. 

This vast, subconscious mind contains so many things. This hidden mind has so much knowledge, so much capability-- it can be difficult to believe when it begins to manifest itself. When this occurs, we must remember that this is still in the realm of matter (not Spirit). 

However, as the mind comes into contact with the mantra of the Divine, it begins to undergo some changes over time. Things that were hidden within the unconscious, subconscious mind begin to surface. 

Intuition develops more strongly. Telepathy can develop. In the astral world of dreams, we begin to meet our Gurus, God and also other souls. 

When we wake up, we may ask ourselves, "Is this real?", "Is this true?". The intellect that manifests in the waking state will often struggle to understand the depth of the unconscious mind and its capacities. Time often proves that these experiences were true (as events in the waking state start to be predicted in dream. We meet people or experience events in dream initially, and then those very events occur shortly afterwards in the waking state. These dreams can be a way of the Divine helping us).

"How can this happen?", "Why did this happen?" "What does this mean?" and various other questions will often occur within the intellect as it scrambles to understand the events that occur. But it is not able to fully grasp the meaning of these.   

To understand, we need intuition not merely intellect. We develop our intuition through prayer, though mantra and other forms of worship. By contact with our Guru, with following the teachings of the Guru.

We will be tested by the Divine in our ability to persevere no matter what. We will pass the test if we remain sincere and committed to the yogic ethics and our sadhana.

The sixth purascharana, while challenging, has been better than the fifth. During this period, I have met people on the spiritual path who have provided me with valuable insights related to my spiritual life. I have healed a lot of past negative karma. I have discovered new aspects of spiritual life.

One experience that I have had, particularly since October 2020, is that my mind feels interconnected with another mind. It may sound odd to say this from a medical perspective, from the viewpoint of modern science. But it is not at all odd from a yogic perspective.

My mind, when I sit to meditate, becomes aware of another mind, that is significantly connected with my own (I have referred to this in previous posts as my twin soul). I have to accept and invite this mind to participate in the meditation with me. This is the only way that I am now able to contemplate the Divine.

If I resist this connection, my meditation falls apart as my mind experiences an inner battle. A mind that battles with itself cannot meditate. The mind must be at peace on some level to be able to contemplate the Divine.

There is a famous song from the Bollywood movie, 'Taal' (meaning 'rhythm'; I have not seen the movie but the songs, composed by A R Rahman are very popular and I like some of them).

In one song, the lead protagonist states "Rab sab se sona!", meaning "God is more beautiful than everyone else!". She then goes on to declare "Rab se bhi sona, ishq", meaning "More beautiful than God, is Love". (Obviously God Him/Herself is Love so nothing can be more beautiful. But the song aims to convey that love is the essence of God and the most important aspect of life, both spiritual and material).

The word, 'ishq' representing romantic feelings does not at all adequately describe the feelings associated with Spirit. However, the overall sentiment expressed in this song, is one that many on a twin soul journey can relate to.

In my case, God Himself/Herself these days, does not permit me to meditate on Him/Her without my including my twin soul in my meditation. My first thoughts when I sit to meditate are of my twin. When I invite them to participate in the meditation, I am then able to contemplate my mantra and God and not otherwise. I also feel that this is the will of the Divine. I never asked for any of these events to occur. They have occurred of their own accord. 

Those on a twin soul journey, who understand this path better than me (I am still learning), say that the consciousness on our planet is undergoing a significant shift. We are at a key stage in our collective consciousness as human beings they say.

The various wars and conflicts that are taking place on our planet are a part of this shift. The yogis say that the forces of the divine and undivine are ever in battle in the material realms. Our Earth and the creatures that inhabit it, including us human beings, are also influenced by these forces.

We need to ensure that we remain attuned to the forces that are Divine, that are positive, that seek peace and harmony and spiritual progress. We need to try our best to avoid being excessive materialistic and we also need to keep an eye on our lower selves to avoid letting these get the better of us.

We need to become fit instruments of the Divine. Only then can we hope to live a peaceful life on this planet and ensure that the generations to come inherit a place worth living in.

So the pupose of this post is to say that the mind has many layers, and is capable of much more than we realise. It is unwise to deliberately seek to delve into these (as our goal as spiritual seekers is God and nothing less). But, it seems that the will of God can be that we become more aware of some of these mental layers as we progress along the spiritual journey. 

And also, perseverance is vital on the spiritual path. At various stages in spiritual life, one may feel that one is crawling, walking or running-- however, whatever one feels, one must keep going. One cannot stop on this journey. Onward and Godward, as Sivananda says.

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

P.S. A note on the twin soul bond

Each twin soul (like every other soul) has a higher mind/higher Self and lower mind/ negative ego self.

The Higher Self has positive, divine, spiritual qualities and has clarity of thought.

The lower self is filled with various heavy emotions and a number of confusions.

I have observed that the Higher Self aspects of a pair of twin souls get on pleasantly well. These two may meet in dreams and interact favourably with each other. They help each other on the spiritual path.

In contrast, the lower self of each twin soul, does not like any of the other three aspects-- it does not get on very well with its own Higher Self, and is also wary of its twin's Higher Self and lower self.

It is understandable for one's own lower self to be wary of the twin's lower self, but their Higher Self is a positive force. The Higher Self of each twin is fearless and accepts both their own lower self, as well as their twin soul's Higher Self and lower self.

Speaking of the lower self, I am reminded of an experience when, as a child, I visited a wildlife sanctuary in South India. I had gone for a morning walk with my sister and a cousin when we encountered a type of monkey called a 'langur' (pronounced 'lung-goor') sitting on a tree branch. When we stared curiously at it, it saw us and gnashed its teeth aggressively causing us to run away very quickly!

I was reflecting that the lower self of twin souls is a bit like this langur. It is hostile and unfriendly-- and as uncontrollable as a monkey! :D

In contrast, the Higher Self is a like a swan-- beautiful and very pleasant to behold. :)

Hari Aum Tat Sat.