Hari Aum.
Human nature is a most interesting subject. The human mind is the main focus of spiritual life according to the yogis.
The mind is the instrument of both bondage and liberation. By the mind, we bind ourselves to samsara. By the mind, we attain the experience of God and spiritual freedom.
Mind is the friend, mind is the enemy, so says Lord Krishna in the Gita (Chapter 5). Whether one's mind acts as one's friend or enemy depends in great part upon what one does with it. What one feeds it, both physically (in terms of food) and via the five senses.
The mind forms the basis of our character. Our character consists of deep-rooted mental habits/thought impressions and desires (that are respectively known as 'samskaras' and 'vasanas' in Sanskrit).
A very important aspect of character or the mental make-up is how we balance our needs and desires with those of the world around us. Getting the balance here is very important.
Over the years, I have encountered many spiritual seekers-- some inspire me by their example, and I feel I would like to be more like them. Others who claim to be spiritual seekers show me by their example how not to be. Both types of individuals are very helpful to encounter in their own way.
One of the great mysteries of spiritual life, in my opinion, is how some people manage to describe themselves as deeply spiritual, as great lovers of God, while being extraordinarily selfish in daily life. They take themselves weekly to a place of worship, be it a church, mosque or temple. But when they emerge, their innate personality remains the same-- steeped in selfishness, filled with concern mainly for their own welfare and for those they regard as their own.
They are generally reluctant to help others, reluctant to share anything of value with anybody else, reluctant to act for the sake of others. Speaking a kind word is a great effort, performing a generous act is very difficult, and if they do this, it is with the greatest reluctance and a gloomy, unwilling countenance. Almost every decision they make in life, whether great or small, considers only their own welfare. They dislike having to undergo the slightest inconvenience for the welfare of others.
"I must be first" is their motto-- and strangely, they never seem to realise that this is completely at odds with their spiritual aspirations. I have met such individuals on a regular basis. In fact, as is the case for many of us, some of these individuals have been the cause of significant strife in my life.
One accepts one's meetings with such individuals as one's karma, as part of one's lessons in life. The lesson of how not to be.
Then there is other side of the coin-- the self-proclaimed martyrs. Again there are individuals who like to tell themselves (and anyone else who will listen!) that they are greatly sacrificing, that they are always willing to give up their comfort and welfare for the sake of others, that their own needs do not matter at all. This is an interesting mentality. Often I notice, this occurs when there is a lack of courage, a lack of assertiveness, a lack of willingness to set boundaries with others.
"I am always happy for others to be happy at my expense" is their motto, a motto that often rings false.
Relationships with other human beings generally require balance. There needs to be give and take for a relationship to be truly healthy and beneficial for both sides.
Relationships which are excessively one-sided, which always require one side to give up their happiness for the sake of the other, are rarely healthy or successful. In the long-term, they destroy both parties.
The selfish one who mostly takes, creates negative karma for themselves for which they will have to endure suffering in the future. On the other hand, the martyr, the overly self-effacing one, will gradually feel anger and resentment at the injustice of the way they are being treated.
This is but natural, as balance is the way of Nature, and justice is the way of God. Where there is no balance and justice, how can there be the godly qualities of true peace and happiness?
As the Buddha said, 'choose the middle way'. In most things in life, the middle way is the way forward.
We need to watch our minds carefully. None of us is perfect. We are bound to find that our minds sometimes seem to oscillate towards excessive selfishness or martyrdom. When we notice this happening, we need to re-centre ourselves, bring ourselves back to the middle path. We need to gently bring the mind back to the state of balance.
The balanced way involves us respecting both our needs and those of others. Giving equal consideration to both.
There may be times when we are truly able to joyfully and willingly give up our happiness for the sake of others. But for this to be true and sincere and spiritually beneficial, there needs to be no element of forcing; it must not be an act performed due to a lack of courage, out of fear.
True spiritual sacrifice of our happiness for the sake of others should be a well-thought out decision that comes from a place of inner strength, from a powerful connection with the God within. It should be an act of worship of God, performed as a result of the explicit will and grace of God (not an act of cowardice masquerading as virtue and spirituality). Such acts of sacrifice lead to greater happiness in the long run.
Every religion declares that God wishes for each one of us to be happy. He/She does not wish some children to enjoy life at the expense of the welfare of others. God is not partial. He/She loves each one of us equally with a very great love.
Having said that, it is true that sacrifice can sometimes play a very important role in our spiritual evolution, in our personal growth. It helps us to come out of the selfish mentality of thinking 'me first' all the time. However, we have to be careful not be become false martyrs in the process, hiding our fear and cowardice under the garb of spirituality.
If God gives us the strength to sacrifice some aspect of our personal happiness now, it will always be for a greater good in the future, for a greater happiness and peace in the future.
When one allows others to walk all over one out of fear, out of a false sense of virtue, out of a desire to be martyr, one is being unspiritual.
Courage is a key feature in spiritual life. It is the nature of the soul. It is no less important than kindness and truthfulness.
I recently met someone who declared they have undergone a 'great spiritual transformation' in recent years. Curiously, in everyday life, I notice that nearly every decision they make seems to be based mostly on self-centredness; also, they are generally unable to tolerate the slightest inconvenience for the sake of others.
If one believes one has undergone a 'great spiritual transformation' but it benefits virtually nobody around one, then can it be called a true transformation at all? No, it would seem to be only a form of self-aggrandisement, merely an extremely delusional manifestation of the ego. There is nothing spiritual in this at all.
Equally, if one loves to portray oneself as a great martyr, as one who perpetually suffers for the sake of others, again this is most unhealthy. It is another dubious manifestation of the same ego. Another side of the coin of selfishness.
The Gurus advise us to take a balanced approach. They tell us to avoid both unhealthy selfishness and false martyrdom.
The more we develop the witnessing aspect of our minds, the better we can become at detecting when we veer towards these two unhealthy, unspiritual extremes. This insight into the workings of our own minds will enable us to then bring ourselves back to and maintain a state of balance.
May God bless us all with the wisdom to walk the middle path in life including in our relationships.
Om Namo Narayanaya.
Om Namo Bhagavate Sivanandaya.
Hope you all had a wonderful Guru purnima. May the Gurus bless us with the strength to keep walking upon the spiritual path.
Hari Aum Tat Sat.
No comments:
Post a Comment