Resolving conflicts with the Divine-- from 'no way' to 'okay'

 Hari Aum.

 

I am currently just over six months into this purascharana (which is proceeding at a modest pace of seven malas per day along with one mala of the Lakshmi mantra), and was reflecting a little bit on my current spiritual approach-- not so much the actual rituals and sadhanas, but more about the attitude based upon what I have learned in recent months.

The Gurus tell us that spiritual life is about a gradual transformation from 'my will be done' to 'Thy will be done'. This is, of course, much easier said that done. 

It is not easy to discover that, from time to time, the Divine itself shows us that we are in conflict with it. It is quite shocking as a devotee or spiritual practitioner to discover that one is finding it difficult to 'go with the flow' all the time.

In the little things of life, one may be willing to give up certain things for the sake of God, e.g. conduct an occasional fast, abstain from favourite foods or activities for a while, or even give up sleep and remain awake to conduct spiritual practices. This sort of thing is the norm in spiritual life for many of us-- it can be tricky at times, but usually not too difficult. Most of us are willing and able to undergo some physical and mental discomfort to control our senses and thus please the Divine. To an extent, we are all able to sacrifice the flesh for the sake of the Spirit.

As we get comfortable with passing the little tests and challenges that God presents us with on the spiritual path, He seems to up the ante-- in order to help us grow further, the difficulties increase in frequency and intensity. We are pushed to the limits of our comfort.

It is said a good teacher pushes the limits of the student (in a supportive way) to help them grow. God is the ultimate Teacher and definitely pushes us to our limits.

We will all find at some stage in our spiritual life, usually when we've been feeling relatively comfortable, that things begin to change. We find events becoming unfavourable, even odd, unclear and uncertain. All sorts of stuff happens both in inner and outer life, things that are not to our liking, that were not part of our plan. 

We all have a plan, a template for our life. Consciously or subconsciously, we think, 'In a year's time, or five or ten years time, this is what I expect to be doing. Of course I know 'man proposes and God disposes' so things can change, but broadly, this is what I currently expect for my future'.

So, when the Universe throws a spanner in the works of our grand plan of life, it can be very difficult. We may find that we want to our life to be a certain way (it may be related to literally any aspect), but try as we might, the Divine seems to be doing something different.

The whole point of being pushed to the limit is to feel uncomfortable in spiritual life, to recognise our own shortfalls, the areas of excessive attachment to the world. All religions have some examples of this sort of situation.

I have not read the Bible from cover to cover, but like many people, I am familiar with the broad principles and some famous stories within it. One story that illustrates the point I am making here is the rather dramatic one of God asking Abraham to sacrifice his own beloved son, Isaac. You can read this section here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2022&version=NIV

Now, of course God does not actually let Abraham sacrifice his son, but the point is, He checks to see if Abraham trusts Him, loves Him, enough to be willing to do this-- and Abraham passes His test. 

And, it is useful to remember, that it is only by the grace of God that one can reach this level of acceptance of the will of God. Many of us, if asked by God to do such a thing, may quail, or feel quite appalled at the request-- the only way a human being can reach an inner spiritual state where such things can even be contemplated is through the grace of God.

Another story like this come to mind. There is a famous story of Prince Arjuna from the Mahabharata being reborn as a hunter (called Kannappa) and devotee of Lord Shiva. In the story, he sacrifices his own eyes in an attempt to heal the apparently bleeding eyes of Lord Shiva. Of course, he is then blessed by Shiva and his vision is restored. This story is narrated by Sivananda and you can read it here: 

https://www.themotherdivine.com/35/kannappa.shtml

The interesting thing about these stories is that the devotee is tested to the very limit of their endurance; they are eventually asked to sacrifice something of great importance for the sake of the divine, such as life or limb or something else that they greatly value in life. 

Now, the actual sacrifice may not always need to be carried out, but at some stage, it appears that God will be interested in knowing whether or not we have spiritually grown enough to be prepared to do anything for His sake. And He/She is not cruel or sadistic in wanting to know this. He/She is the embodiment of goodness and contains every virtue in the maximum, but this whole process seems to be an exercise in helping us to give up our ideas and attachments and trusting the Divine. This then enables us to obtain the greatest blessings from God which is our birthright as children of the Divine.

The Gurus also tell us that these sorts of experiences are not reserved only for spiritual greats such as Abraham and Arjuna, but will come to each one of us in one way or another, and perhaps on a few occasions in our lives. Because, as the yogis say, each one of us is a child of the Divine, each one of us is here to realise and experience our full spiritual potential. As Sivananda often said to humanity: "You are divine. Live up to it!".

Now, Abraham and Arjuna may have been willing to immediately sacrifice life and limb for the sake of the divine, but for the rest of us, it may be a much more long and arduous journey to reach that stage. We may find ourselves saying "No way!" most of the time to the Divine when presented with our challenges. And only after much inner churning and life experiences, a little good sense may come to us, and we may nervously say "Well, okay!".

I mentioned in a previous post ('The eight purascharana sankalpa') of a health situation that led me to promise to continue a daily mantra japa practice for years (which I am still doing). I had a similar situation develop some weeks ago and again found myself in hospital awaiting the result of a scan. 

As I awaited the result, I remonstrated with God saying 'Have mercy, I have a child, I want to be around to see her grow up. I feel I have much more to do on Earth, not least with regard to my spiritual life. I feel I have much more sadhana to do. Have pity!". 

I then found myself thinking about Sivananda and pleading with him to be with me (as I prepared to meet the doctor and hear the results of the scan which could be good or difficult). "Whatever happens", I said, "Guru, you have to be there for me. Ultimately, you are the only one for me!". I did feel a sense of peace under all the anxiety that he would be there no matter what.

When I saw the doctor, and heard the words "Your scan is normal", a huge wave of relief washed over me. Externally, I said "Thank you, I'm so glad to hear that" while internally, I was thinking "Thank You, God, thank You for my health and for everything!".

As I left the clinic, I made two pledges to God:

1. To continue my spiritual life, to do at least four further purascharanas after completing the current set of eight. This would keep me busy for an additional decade or so, and I thought that was a reasonable commitment for the present.

2. To live an authentic life, to be true to myself, to adhere to dharma no matter what, of which the principle of truthfulness is the centre.

This experience also showed me that, when all is said and done, when facing a possibly very difficult situation in life, the Guru is the one and only solace and refuge. More than all the beloved family and friends, more than God as God, it is God as Guru that gives the greatest relief, the greatest respite to the mind and soul. I truly am eternally grateful to Swami Sivananda for being in my life. I very much hope and pray that I may repeat my Guru mantra daily by his grace and attain the spiritual goal of life.

I want to conclude this somewhat serious post on a slightly humorous note. In the past few years, I had virtually no time or energy to watch any movies (being busy with a young child, work and the extra pressures of life related to the pandemic). So I have been catching up a little bit on this lately. 

A few days ago, I found a Bollywood comedy movie called 'Chennai Express' on Netflix and started to watch it again (saw it many years ago). It is a lighthearted, slightly slapstick comedy about a man who innocently boards a train (the Chennai Express) on a personal errand. He helps a pretty lady onto the train (in true Bollywood style, she was running on the platform to catch it as it departed) only to discover, to his horror, that she was escaping her family, a group of criminals and thugs (who follow her onto the train). 

There is a comical scene where he pleads with the woman to come up with a plan to enable them both to escape her thug relatives and go their own sweet, separate ways (they are not too keen on each other at this point). She grudgingly agrees and her (slightly mad) plan is for him to nod his head to whatever she says when they meet her father (the ace thug) as they inevitably must. In desperation, having no other recourse, he agrees.

The dialogue is quite funny not least because of the language barrier and resulting mix-ups (her character is Tamil-speaking, while he speaks Hindi). I thought I would share a clip to this comedy scene here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsxmrMliHGU

Some of us spiritual seekers may be forgiven for feeling that our lives too, at some point, feel like a bit of a comedy sketch! As the saying goes, 'If you don't laugh, you may have to cry!". And life, for many of us, is a mixture of some laughter and some tears.

After watching the scene above, I had a funny feeling that, just as the lady says to the man in the movie: "Whatever I say, just nod your head and agree!", God too says this to each one of us-- "Just nod your head and agree with Me!". And, like the man in the clip, we too may eventually realise that accepting the situation with good grace is the only way!

May God bless us all with the capacity to say "Okay" instead of "No way" to His plans for us, and also to nod our heads and agree when needed (as, often, there seems to be no other way)! 

Om Namo Narayanaya.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.