Note to the twin

 Hari Aum. 

If you are reading this, I would like to say the following:

1. We need to talk about this connection 

2. Nearly 20 years ago, when we met, we had no idea this existed. What happened then, was neither of our faults. 

3. The main reason why I left years ago was your apparent lack of feeling a connection. My own inclination towards monastic life and the hostile behaviour of some of the karmic people in your life were secondary but these also contributed significantly to my feeling that I had to leave. The main reason, however, was that I thought that you were not interested. This is simply a fact.

I do not blame you for your actions then. I see now that it was part of this spiritual journey.

4. The main reasons why I was hostile towards this connection when it resurfaced in recent years were:

a) my negative experiences with regard to this in the past 

b) my current karmic life 

c) my spiritual life and the feeling that this connection was opposed to it.

I now see things differently. I do not feel negative about what happened in the past, nor do I feel any conflict within with regard to this connection.

I accept that all that has occurred is part of the spiritual journey (and do not feel this connection is opposed to it). 

I hope you can understand, from your own experience, that it takes time for these changes in perspective to occur.

In the present time, based on the experience of recent years, I have some questions and would like some answers from you. This is not at all unreasonable, I feel, given what has occurred and the fact that this connection continues to significantly influence my life. 

I want to know from you:

1. Do you feel this connection? Please be honest. 

2. What is your understanding of this? 

3. Are you at a stage where you can discuss this with me?

Can you please not:

1. Run 

2. Lie 

3. Hide 

Can you please be:

1. Honest 

2. Courageous 

3. Non-hostile 

You cutting me off now is not the same as my doing that years ago. For one, the connection is far more intense than it was in the past. 

Secondly, the universe seems to be pushing us to communicate—why would we go against it? 

Thirdly, we’ve been dealing with this for nearly two decades, and have by now had ample time to process our thoughts and feelings on this matter.

Fourthly, and very importantly, I was honest with you then, and I am being honest now. It would help if you could be honest too. 

Even if we do not have all the answers, can we please just have a mature conversation, however brief, about this?

Om Namo Narayanaya 

Hari Aum Tat Sat

P.S. I have a migraine which feels like it may be related to the separation between us (as has occurred before). I feel somehow that talking with you, and ending the separation would help prevent these to a significant extent. 

P.P.S. I do not know what the future holds. However, I have a firm conviction that this connection is being guided by the Divine. And, therefore, as long as we adhere to dharma, we and everybody else in our lives, and in the world, will be ok.

I’m not so afraid of the uncertainty that this connection brings (as I once used to be) because of this firm faith in the Divine whose protection I feel. Whatever happens will ultimately be in accordance with the Will of God and, therefore, will be beneficial. 

Hari Aum Tat Sat.