Hari Om.
The subject of sex is one that troubles many a spiritual aspirant. At some point, we start to think about this subject in relation to our spiritual life.
The traditional Gurus (of the right hand path) are very clear on this subject. They say "Where there is kama (desire), there is no Rama (God)". "Where there trishna (craving), there is no Krishna". Be absolutely clear on this they tell us; the greater the degree of sensual indulgence, the lesser the closeness one feels to God.
Control your senses they exhort us! Control your mind! Beware of Maya, beware of Moha (delusion)! Maya appears before a woman in the form of a handsome man, maya appears before a man in the form of a stunning woman. So the Gurus say.
Now what are we aspirants to do? Maya is everywhere. Even if one runs away to a lonely Himalayan cave in the hope of avoiding Maya, the mind (the greatest seat of Maya) is with us there. We cannot leave it behind. It follows us mercilessly. Sitting in a cave, one's mind still wanders to sensual indulgences. What then shall we do?
These questions commonly affect us spiritual aspirants: Shall I stop having sex completely? Shall I break-up with my boy/girl-friend (as s/he is an obstacle)? Shall I leave my husband/wife (as did Lord Buddha)? Shall I continue having sex but in great moderation? Shall I make sex into a spiritual path and continue it happily? What shall I do?
There is no one answer for everyone. We all have to experiment, make mistakes, and through these mistakes discover the path that is right for us.
For some, the path of absolute celibacy feels right and is right. Such people are very rare. Some people, out of an egoistic sense of wanting accomplishment, decide to try this and fail miserably. They forcefully want to control their sexual feelings. This often involves repression/suppression- and has disastrous unpleasant results (we hear of monks engaging in sexual abuse etc). People become cold automatons, afraid of the opposite sex, hating the opposite sex, and hating themselves for being attracted to the opposite sex. This leads to pain, fear and misery, none of which are helpful in spiritual life. In fact, these feelings seriously block our spiritual progress.
Some others hope that sex can be made into a sadhana. They hope that while continuing to have plenty of sex, they can also make solid spiritual progress.
This is a tricky one - for many reasons. The Gurus are emphatic on this subject (see above). Kama and Rama do not go hand-in-hand. They take you in opposite directions. You cannot go North and South at the same time. This brings us to the subject of kundalini. The Gurus say, on a psychic level, our sexual energy (ojas) needs to be transformed into spiritual energy (tejas) in order for the kundalini to rise, and for us to experience God.
Sex involves loss of ojas, depletion of ojas- so tejas cannot be made. No tejas means no spiritual progress. You cannot save and spend energy at the same time. Also if one is continuously thinking about sex, there is no space to think of God. So from the bhakti perspective also, it is clear that sex cannot on its own be an effective sadhana.
What about the middle way? Having sex but in moderation, with some self-control? This probably suits most people. When following this path, let us be honest and accept that sex is a form of sensual indulgence. Let us not lie to ourselves and say that when having sex, we are doing a great sadhana. We clearly are not. At the same time, let us not feel guilty, sad and miserable about it. Let us aim to gradually sublimate sexual energy into spiritual energy - through the process of japa, and other practices.
Sexual life has many layers. There is some craving, some desire for one's own pleasure, some desire to give the other pleasure. In many people, sex is not merely mechanical, not just about pleasure- it is emotional, it can be about making two people feel closer together. All this is nice. But it is not sadhana. So what to do?
The Gurus say, never repress sex. Never try to violently suppress these feelings. Have respect for this force. It is the great force of Creation, the primeval energy of God, the great Shakti Herself, the Power of Shiva and Vishnu. Never think you can succeed alone against this Power of God. Instead, gradually try to sublimate these feelings. Ask help from the Divine. Do not lament, beat your chest and feel guilty about these natural feelings.
But at the same time recognise that sublimation is essential for spiritual progress. Accept that while sex is not a sadhana, sex can be offered to God like any other act. God is present in your sexual partner- may be one should try to have some awareness of this. At least never treat your sexual partner like some object and thus insult God within him/her.
Privately always remember that s/he is a manifestation of the Divine (as we all are). In this way, we can take small steps towards the Divine.
As a final note, the intellect, rational mind and human personality are inherently weak and liable to fail in the face of temptation. The Gurus say there is no more potent tonic to strengthen us than the Name of God. So when sexual or any other sensual desires get out of control, and we feel like we are faltering in the spiritual path, it is a good idea to just sit down and repeat a Name or mantra of God with determination for even 10-20 minutes. It brings peace of mind, clarity, stability and purity without doubt.
Hari Aum Tat Sat. Prostrations to that God who is present everywhere in the form of men and women, and husbands and wives. :)
The subject of sex is one that troubles many a spiritual aspirant. At some point, we start to think about this subject in relation to our spiritual life.
The traditional Gurus (of the right hand path) are very clear on this subject. They say "Where there is kama (desire), there is no Rama (God)". "Where there trishna (craving), there is no Krishna". Be absolutely clear on this they tell us; the greater the degree of sensual indulgence, the lesser the closeness one feels to God.
Control your senses they exhort us! Control your mind! Beware of Maya, beware of Moha (delusion)! Maya appears before a woman in the form of a handsome man, maya appears before a man in the form of a stunning woman. So the Gurus say.
Now what are we aspirants to do? Maya is everywhere. Even if one runs away to a lonely Himalayan cave in the hope of avoiding Maya, the mind (the greatest seat of Maya) is with us there. We cannot leave it behind. It follows us mercilessly. Sitting in a cave, one's mind still wanders to sensual indulgences. What then shall we do?
These questions commonly affect us spiritual aspirants: Shall I stop having sex completely? Shall I break-up with my boy/girl-friend (as s/he is an obstacle)? Shall I leave my husband/wife (as did Lord Buddha)? Shall I continue having sex but in great moderation? Shall I make sex into a spiritual path and continue it happily? What shall I do?
There is no one answer for everyone. We all have to experiment, make mistakes, and through these mistakes discover the path that is right for us.
For some, the path of absolute celibacy feels right and is right. Such people are very rare. Some people, out of an egoistic sense of wanting accomplishment, decide to try this and fail miserably. They forcefully want to control their sexual feelings. This often involves repression/suppression- and has disastrous unpleasant results (we hear of monks engaging in sexual abuse etc). People become cold automatons, afraid of the opposite sex, hating the opposite sex, and hating themselves for being attracted to the opposite sex. This leads to pain, fear and misery, none of which are helpful in spiritual life. In fact, these feelings seriously block our spiritual progress.
Some others hope that sex can be made into a sadhana. They hope that while continuing to have plenty of sex, they can also make solid spiritual progress.
This is a tricky one - for many reasons. The Gurus are emphatic on this subject (see above). Kama and Rama do not go hand-in-hand. They take you in opposite directions. You cannot go North and South at the same time. This brings us to the subject of kundalini. The Gurus say, on a psychic level, our sexual energy (ojas) needs to be transformed into spiritual energy (tejas) in order for the kundalini to rise, and for us to experience God.
Sex involves loss of ojas, depletion of ojas- so tejas cannot be made. No tejas means no spiritual progress. You cannot save and spend energy at the same time. Also if one is continuously thinking about sex, there is no space to think of God. So from the bhakti perspective also, it is clear that sex cannot on its own be an effective sadhana.
What about the middle way? Having sex but in moderation, with some self-control? This probably suits most people. When following this path, let us be honest and accept that sex is a form of sensual indulgence. Let us not lie to ourselves and say that when having sex, we are doing a great sadhana. We clearly are not. At the same time, let us not feel guilty, sad and miserable about it. Let us aim to gradually sublimate sexual energy into spiritual energy - through the process of japa, and other practices.
Sexual life has many layers. There is some craving, some desire for one's own pleasure, some desire to give the other pleasure. In many people, sex is not merely mechanical, not just about pleasure- it is emotional, it can be about making two people feel closer together. All this is nice. But it is not sadhana. So what to do?
The Gurus say, never repress sex. Never try to violently suppress these feelings. Have respect for this force. It is the great force of Creation, the primeval energy of God, the great Shakti Herself, the Power of Shiva and Vishnu. Never think you can succeed alone against this Power of God. Instead, gradually try to sublimate these feelings. Ask help from the Divine. Do not lament, beat your chest and feel guilty about these natural feelings.
But at the same time recognise that sublimation is essential for spiritual progress. Accept that while sex is not a sadhana, sex can be offered to God like any other act. God is present in your sexual partner- may be one should try to have some awareness of this. At least never treat your sexual partner like some object and thus insult God within him/her.
Privately always remember that s/he is a manifestation of the Divine (as we all are). In this way, we can take small steps towards the Divine.
As a final note, the intellect, rational mind and human personality are inherently weak and liable to fail in the face of temptation. The Gurus say there is no more potent tonic to strengthen us than the Name of God. So when sexual or any other sensual desires get out of control, and we feel like we are faltering in the spiritual path, it is a good idea to just sit down and repeat a Name or mantra of God with determination for even 10-20 minutes. It brings peace of mind, clarity, stability and purity without doubt.
Hari Aum Tat Sat. Prostrations to that God who is present everywhere in the form of men and women, and husbands and wives. :)
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