Homophobia and spirituality

Hari Aum.

I'd like to share my views on homophobia and spirituality. In the past few years, I have met some people who have told me that they developed severe mental health issues, particularly depression, because their families were strongly against them due to their being homosexual/gay/lesbian.

In some cases, these people even felt their life was being threatened due to the strong religious opposition to their sexual preferences. They were socially isolated and experienced great mental suffering as a result of the negative reaction from their families and society. Some of them were forced to marry people of the opposite gender against their wish. This lead to even greater misery.

I find it extremely sad that people who are gay are judged and criticised by those who are 'straight' (heterosexual) to varying degrees in all countries in the world. So many people, both religious and atheistic, seem to have strong negative opinions on this subject.

The fact is that sexuality is not a choice. People are naturally attracted to a particular gender (whether the same or opposite gender).

The scriptures of some religions strongly condemn gay people and advise violence against them. Other religions do not comment on the subject, but many of their followers still have negative views of gay people. This is very sad and completely against the principles of religion which is meant to promote love between people, with the understanding that all is divine.

I would like to share my views on being gay or straight, from a yogic perspective. Part of yogic discipline involves control of the senses. This includes gradual, mature transformation of sexual energy to spiritual energy (tejas).

From the yogic perspective, excessive sexual thoughts are counterproductive to spiritual progress. This applies equally regardless of whether one is gay or straight. There is nothing superior about having sexual straight thoughts versus sexual gay thoughts. Obviously sex needs to be between consenting adults, and should involve some respect between partners. Without this, it would be unethical from a yogic perspective. Also while it is true that straight sex is needed to conceive children naturally, there is nothing inherently superior about this- it is a biological fact, that is all.

These days it is unacceptable to be openly racist, sexist or against any religion in many countries.

However, unfortunately, it seems it is still fairly common, even in liberal Western societies, to openly make fun of people who are gay.

When I was at university in the UK about ten years ago, it was not unusual for the male students (who always seemed more homophobic than the women) to use the phrase "that's so gay" when they wanted to indicate their contempt for something.

Imagine saying "that's so black" or "that's so Hindu/Muslim/Jewish/Christian" as an insult. It would be regarded as absolutely outrageous. Nobody uses those phrases. But saying "that's so gay" is still not unusual today. This is absolutely disgraceful.

We need to be sensible about this. Gender, race, sexuality, height, eye colour etc are not choices. They are part of our natural physical-mental design. We are pretty much born with these features and they cannot be changed by force.

We would not like other people to treat us badly based on these, so we should naturally avoid being judgemental towards other when it comes to these factors.

We cannot change our natural physical-sexual characteristics. But what we can control is our character. And this is what really matters in spiritual life.

There is nothing wrong with being gay, from a spiritual perspective. But there is everything wrong with being homophobic, with disliking people because of their natural sexual preference, with being superior and judgemental towards others. These are very unspiritual attitudes.

Let us remember that one God resides in all beings, whatever the physical or mental characteristics, whatever the sexual preferences of a person. Let us therefore give all living beings the respect that is their due as divine beings, whether gay or straight.

I hope, one day, gay people all over the world are treated well by the straight majority and with the respect that they deserve.

I certainly believe that no spiritual progress is possible for those people who are cruel and judgemental towards others based on sexual preferences, race, gender etc. Straight people who look down upon gay people are sadly ignorant and will not be able to make any serious spiritual progress due to their negative attitude (a form of 'himsa' or violence towards others).

If one feels superior to other human beings, for any reason, one has a serious spiritual problem. Because one has forgotten that one God exists in all beings. And that God alone is the origin of whatever we are proud of in ourselves, and whatever we look down upon in others.

Let us reflect upon this well, and treat everyone with the respect they deserve.

Hari Aum Tat Sat

Intellect- a vital tool

Hari Aum.

I am going to write about the human intellect in the context of spiritual life today. This is based on a recent experience that I had.

The human intellect is valued by society. Those who are intelligent are considered fortunate and blessed, by materialists and spiritualists alike.

Interestingly though, some people use the term 'intellectual' as a sort of insult in spiritual life. We hear quotations such as "spiritual life is a journey from the head to the heart" and similar. There is truth in this statement. However, the intellect also has an important role in spiritual life.

Those who are labelled as 'too intellectual' are often looked down upon in spiritual circles, whereas those who talk a lot about devotion are smiled upon, regardless of whether or not they are really devotional.

I would like to share my views on the intellect here.

The intellect is like a knife. It can be used to help, it can be used to harm (like a knife in the hand of a surgeon versus a criminal). This applies to both in material and spiritual life.

In spiritual life, the intellect can be very helpful when it performs certain functions, for example:

1. It recognises the futility of trying to find happiness in material life. This is called 'viveka', spiritual intelligence. This is a fundamental quality required in any spiritual seeker.

2. It helps us with the practicalities of organising our sadhana- deciding where to do sadhana, calculating the time required for completion of the sadhana, helping us to obtain the materials required to perform this.

3. It recognises its own limitations. It recognises that there is something beyond it, that it cannot understand. It accepts this.

4. It recognises the difference between right and wrong.


In spiritual life, the intellect can be harmful, an obstacle to sadhana, when it acts in certain ways, for example:

1. All theory and no practice- when it refuses to practice any sadhana but spends all the time therorising and arguing with others about sadhana.

2. When it procrastinates and makes up excuses for not doing sadhana

3.When it becomes impatient and looks for results too soon, saying "I've been doing all this practice, why haven't I got the results yet?"


But. Let us be clear. The intellect is absolutely vital and necessary. There are a large number of fake Gurus and babas on this planet. Not a day goes by when, in some part of the world or the other, somebody is exploiting others in the name of religion- physical, sexual, mental, emotional, financial exploitation.

Here, the head and the heart must together recognise the problem of exploitation.

As the saying goes, "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck!".

Similarly, if a so-called spiritual teacher looks arrogant, speaks arrogantly, and behaves arrogantly, then they probably are arrogant. And therefore, not a real Guru.

Often in spiritual circles, people become very gullible. When a so-called 'Guru' behaves negatively towards themselves or especially towards others, they quickly say, "Oh, he/she is probably doing for a good reason. They are probably treating that person badly, because that person needs this bad treatment for their spiritual development".

The world abounds in such fake Gurus today. As spiritual seekers, we need to take care when faced with them.

Let us remind ourselves of Krishna's description of a self-realised soul as "Sarva bhuta hite ratah"- one who works for the welfare of all beings. This is a real Guru. Such Gurus are rare but they have existed and do exist on our planet. We take inspiration from their actions and try to emulate their noble example. This benefits us as seekers.

When we follow fake Gurus, and start copying them, particularly in their nasty, arrogant ways, we harm ourselves spiritually.

I will explain this with an example. Recently, I attended a two-day session given by a spiritual Guru, who teaches a form of pranayama and chakra meditation as a spiritual practice. I had read a book by him and found it interesting. He says all the right things, sounds absolutely fine - on paper. He also does social work, as many Gurus today do. All of this looked positive and I wanted to meet him.

I am also aware that real Gurus cannot be easily understood by the intellect. A Guru may appear angry but it may be an act of compassion. We cannot easily judge.

Having said that, as mentioned above, this world is currently full of exploitative and unscrupulous fake Gurus. Therefore, we cannot simply throw out our intellectual function altogether. It alerts us when something is wrong and is a vitally important tool. It enables us to follow the right path spiritually.

This Guru held an interactive session after his talk. During this session, some people asked him questions. He answered some questions reasonably politely. However, to other people, he was extraordinarily rude, mocking their questions (even though these were fairly reasonable), making sarcastic comments about their appearance and sounding unnecessarily angry.

I was surprised at the 'Jekyll and Hyde' behaviour - he seemed quite normal one moment (particularly with his known followers who were very respectful to him) and very rude to others (who seemed to be new-comers and addressed him politely but not as their Guru).

Even more bizarrely, when he publicly insulted one the people who had made a harmless statement, his followers who were listening, loudly applauded his negative comments in approval and glee- thus adding to the humiliation of the person who had asked the question.

What astonishes me is that this person is a well-regarded Guru. He has a reasonably large following both among the rich and poor in society, all over the world. I am not naming him here as I do not wish to offend anyone. I leave it to readers to make their own opinion of him if they meet him.

After the interactive discussion ended, one woman and I had a discussion about the session. I mentioned that I found the Guru rather rude and hurtful to one of the questioners in particular and that this seemed unwarranted. This lady laughingly dismissed the episode saying that the humiliated person "probably needed it". I wondered whether she would be so accepting if she had been the target of the public humiliation.

I thought about this for a while and tried to convince myself that this Guru was probably really great and that my small intellect just could not comprehend his greatness, despite his seeming display of arrogance and lack of compassion- but both my head and my heart rebelled against this.

Finally, I gave in and said to God "I'm sorry. If this person is a true Guru, and his display of arrogance and cruelty to those people is just a show, then I'm sorry, I am not at a level when I can perceive it.  I can only act based on the understanding I have now. I have to use the faculties available to me to understand the world- my current intelligence and conscience. And both of these tell me that this person's behaviour is unacceptable."

I then offered an obeisance to all true Gurus in the universe and said "I'm sorry if I don't understand you and if I have ever criticised or judged you in my ignorance. Please forgive me if I am lacking in my understanding of you. But I cannot currently bring myself to accept this sort of behaviour in a Guru, especially when there are so many fake Gurus around. I'm sure you can understand my position."

This Guru taught a pranayama and meditation practice which I cannot bring myself to practice. I ask myself- "If his practice has made him so arrogant, what is the use of my practising it?" I cannot bring myself to practice any teaching from him due to his negative behaviour.

I asked the Swami in the Sivananda Ashram (with whom I have a weekly online satsang) about his opinion of my experience.

I explained that I am not changing my main 'deeksha' (initiating) Guru- that will always be Swami Sivananda. I see all other teachers as 'shiksha' Gurus- who teach a specific subject. In all spiritual lineages, there can only be one main/deeksha Guru, but there can be unlimited 'shiksha' Gurus (from whom one learns a variety of material and spiritual subjects). The Swami from the Sivananda Ashram agreed with this approach- he told me that if there is something good in this person's teaching then I can accept it, if not, I should let it go. I have decided to let it go as it does not sit well with me.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself and my readers- to say that "All that glitters is not gold". Do not be fooled by talk of siddhis, pretence of humility and impressive talks and books.

And do not switch off your intellect. Keep it with you and switched on at all times. It is very important in this world of exploitative Gurus. As Sivananda says, "Use your common sense always".

Recognise a duck by its quack, and recognise a fake, quack Guru, by his arrogance, lack of compassion in practice -even if it all looks good on paper. Remember, many fake Gurus pretend to be genuine by speaking well and doing social work.

Beware particularly of those who show off a lot of siddhis (mystical powers such as materialising things, controlling weather, reading minds etc). Although all saints have siddhis, all those with siddhis are not saints. Real saints rarely discuss siddhis- rather they emphasise devotion to God and service of living beings as a manifestation of God. My Guru Sivananda was like this, and other genuine Gurus were like this too.

The essence of Guru is "sarva bhuta hite ratah"- one who wishes the welfare of all beings- and practices this in daily life at all times.

So, keep your intellect sharp, and keep your heart kind. And keep up the spiritual practice (be it japa or some other practice). This keeps the head and heart spiritually healthy. This formula, I feel, will be helpful on the spiritual path.

Do not be gullible and blindly accepting of everything- especially of cruelty or other negative qualities displayed by so-called spiritual Gurus. Remember, real Gurus are always compassionate and kind. They may be firm sometimes, but never cruel.

If the head and heart are both taken care of, then all will be well in spiritual life. This is my advice to myself and to you, based on my recent experience.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

P.S. The true Guru is God, who as Krishna says in the Gita, resides within each one of us in our own hearts. The real Guru is so near to us. So, regardless of whether or not one has found an external Guru, it is wise to cultivate a relationship with the Inner Guru through spiritual practices, especially mantra japa (the way advised for Kali Yuga), and development of good character, which pleases the Inner Guru.

Faith in the name of Narayana

Hari Aum.

It takes faith in the name or mantra of God to continue this practice day after day, month after month, year after year. For some, the faith comes naturally and one takes to mantra practice like a fish to water. For others, the mantra may appear in one's life due to some crisis- after which faith and trust in it develops.

Whatever the manner in which it comes, faith is undoubtedly important. Faith is a sort of trust, a hope- and in the end, it is replaced by experience. Faith is only needed initially, it helps one continue a practice until when gets one's own experience.

In my case, the mantra sort of barged its way into my life through some events. I reflect upon these from time to time, especially when I feel sluggish on the spiritual path. Remembering these events, kindles my motivation and keeps me going.

I am going to write about these events here. Because they showed me the mantra is more than an ordinary sound. I hope this will be inspirational to others also walking the path of mantra japa.

I am not one of those people who worshipped God from childhood. I grew up in a modern family filled with professionals. There was no time for any spiritual talk- all discussion at home was related to material subjects. I was encouraged to study modern subjects and had no real exposure to any philosophy.

I also had zero interest in spiritual matters myself as a child and found temples very boring (only went when dragged by some relative and eating 'prasad' was the only thing I enjoyed while there).

Years later, while I was in my early teens in Delhi, my grandparents came to stay for some years. They had the habit of saying "Narayana, Narayana" periodically (a habit common among people of their generation in Kerala). I used to find this odd but thought it was probably a learned habit.

This was the first time that the name of Narayana regularly fell upon my ears. I took little notice and did not give it any importance. Thus, while I lived in India, I had no interest whatsoever in spiritual matters.

Then, at the age of 16, I left India for good and moved to Europe with my family. Here I focussed on studying hard at school in order to be able to study medicine at university. Things were generally going well from a material perspective.

God continued to have no place in my life, until one day, I had to go to hospital for some invasive tests. While I was in hospital, a trainee nurse injected a sharp needle into the wrong part of my arm and probably hit a nerve instead of a vessel. As a result, I felt the most excruciating pain and blacked out (a common response to pain).

This is when the mantra made a grand entry into my life. When I blacked out, it wasn't just like a 'normal' black-out, when one doesn't remember anything. This is where it will probably sound a bit odd but it happened, what can I say.

This world disappeared completely and there was no memory of it (like a dream vanishes). Even worse, there was no me. No 16 year-old girl, no family, no name, no place, no nothing. It was very frightening. Not least because I felt that I was dying. Obviously I was not (the doctors later said it was an atypical faint). But that was the feeling. My mother, who saw this, said I went stiff, eyes rolling and stopped breathing, there was almost no pulse either. I was, however, not aware of any of this.

The only thing I was aware of was a roaring blackness, huge, fast, moving at tremendous speed. And I was in this black state, feeling utterly helpless. I could not snap out of this state back to the familiar world I know and like. There was a strong yearning to come back.

In this state, of utter fear, in this ghastly void beyond all description, there came the sound "Narayana". I don't know where it came from. I didn't say "Narayana" in my mind. Because my mind did not exist. The person I am now, did not exist.

So this person could not have said "Narayana". Anyway, there was consciousness of this sound. (Maybe it went deep into my consciousness somehow because of hearing my grandparents say this years ago, and it surfaced now, I don't know.)

A while later, I regained consciousness, but not calmly. I came around in the hospital, screaming "Narayana, Narayana" at the top of my lungs (was also crying due to feeling fear due to the feeling of dying). I had never called upon Narayana so desperately in my life until then.

The poor doctor and nurse had no idea what I was saying. My mother was also puzzled by my calling Narayana, as I had certainly never voluntarily called Him ever before up to that point.

After that, the memory of that experience stayed with me. A change came about in me. I gradually became more interested in spiritual matters. I started reading spiritual books instead of fiction. And developed an attachment to Krishna in particular. I later discovered my Guru in 2004 and became very interested in spiritual life and mantras in particular. I became a spiritual seeker.

I had the same scary experience a few more times, the latest being in May 2011- that was probably one of the worst. That time, the words "Keshava, please help me" arose in my consciousness while I was blacked out and went stiff. I then came around undignifiedly shouting "Keshava, Keshava" and woke up the entire household with the name of God - it happened at night and they were all asleep. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it), they all heard the name of God loud and clear that night, a name they were not used to hearing!

After reflecting upon that occasion in 2011, I decided I must have a daily mantra practice (my mantra practice had become very sporadic at this stage due to being busy with my medical training). Some months later, I started a very regular daily practice in November 2011 doing just 1 mala a day, and began the first purascharana in January 2012. And from then till the present, I have continued a daily practice without missing a single day of reciting His names. His name remains a priority even when life is very busy with work and other activities.

I have not had the scary experiences since 2011. No idea if they will happen again (and privately, I hope they do not, unless God wants them to). While the memory of these events creates awe and fear in me, I am forever grateful to God for them. In the form of His name, He barged into my life in this way.

These scary experiences taught me two valuable lessons:

1. The name or mantra of God is powerful and protects. My experience of this is the reason I repeat it daily with reverence. I now understand the words of my Guru Sivandana, in his book 'Japa yoga', when he says "In the darkest hour of your trial, only the name of God will save you".
In this kali yuga, where the name of God is the primary sadhana advised in the scriptures, I feel very blessed to have been given strong faith in the name of God as a result of these experiences.

2. He is the real doer (for everyone). Me, my name, my personality, can be erased as easily as a piece of software can be deleted off a computer. My mind, my being is very, very temporary. I know this now- by my own experience.
I don't dare to say "I", my personality, had this scary experience. Because my current personality was not there to experience it. It was deleted, albeit temporarily.
 I am grateful to God, that He allowed me to understand that my personality is fragile and can evaporate at any moment. That He is the underlying basis of my existence, as He is for everyone.

So, when I say "Narayana" in this waking state, I say this name with reverence. I remember that this name alone existed when nothing else in the world did.

I respect this name more than I respect anything else in this world. This name is my true Guru (Sivananda is an embodiment of this name for me), this name is my God. And God willing, I will never let it go. I've seen its power myself and nobody can persuade me otherwise. This name is precious. It is not a 'normal' sound, it exists where no other sound can exist. I feel it it is the key to my spiritual discovery.

After I discovered Sivananda and had to pick my mantra for initiation in 2005, it was no surprise that I chose "Om Namo Narayanaya".

I trust that this mantra will continue to reveal its secrets to me little by little as I continue the practice. I have no doubt that your mantra will also do the same for you if you have a regular, daily practice.

So in summary, faith is indeed important in spiritual life. And the mantra is a very precious gift.

Hari Aum Tat Sat